Comedy | Pointless Banter

Tag Archive for 'comedy'

Time To Piss Away All The Goodwill I Built Up Yesterday

Published by Kevin on May 16, 2008 in Dating. 31 Comments

Thanks for all the kind messages, comments, and pats on the back yesterday for getting on CNN. I really appreciate it.

I thought long and hard about what I can do with all this good will. The question that was bugging me last night was, “What should I do for a follow-up?”

The answer: Piss it all away of course!

As I have documented in the past there is one thing that I amazes me more than anything else. It is the simple face that Hitler essentially destroyed an entire style of facial hair. There is nothing in history that equals this. Nobody can grow that style of facial hair again because of the negative connotations that it brings.

A person that could be wearing that style of facial hair could be totally clueless to history. This person might be the nicest and most caring person on the planet, yet society would probably shun them because of how they shave their upper lip. There is no other facial hair that has this impact!

Continue reading ‘Time To Piss Away All The Goodwill I Built Up Yesterday’

Other Crap Like This:

Looking for love in all the wrong places- Match.com

Wait Can I Just Switch Tables?

Damn…

When Do I Tell A Date About Pointless Banter?

The Results are in Tits=Ratings

Craigslist Creep of the Week-1

Published by Kevin on May 14, 2008 in Creep of the Week. 18 Comments

A little break from the word of the day as I introduce a new segment called the Craigslist Creep of the Week.

If you want to submit an ad for the craigslist creep of the week just hit the contact tab on the top of the page and send me the link.

Other Crap Like This:

I love Craigslist Hookers

The Quality of Your Cities Craigslist Hookers is Proportionate to the Quality of the Women in Your City

Guest Blog- Porn and Chicken Girl Gets Her Time

My Entry For Doodle Week

Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist?

Do you really want to read crappy corporate pitches?

Published by Kevin on May 14, 2008 in Blogging. 28 Comments

In the last few days one of the hot topics on the interweb has been how PR people pitch bloggers. Some bloggers have begun to “out” these pr firms and create a list so people can put them into their spam filters and not receive e-mails from them. They are calling it a blacklist. Now PR people are pissed and there is a little argument going on about the ego of bloggers and how the process works. (I have to say I love the internet. It is like high school. You have people in different groups that bash people in other groups and then name-calling commences.)

I get a lot of e-mails daily with press releases or reminder e-mails about certain topics that companies want me to blog about. These e-mails always start in the same style, “Hey you know what your readers might think is really cool?” This is where I get annoyed because I don’t think they have your best interest at heart. In fact they don’t even know you guys. Because I have a feeling that you have zero interest these following pitches: Continue reading ‘Do you really want to read crappy corporate pitches?’

Other Crap Like This:

My First Official Post for b5media

A note to other myspace bloggers

Crappy Arguments

Screw the Pampered Chef

Places I Don’t Shop

A 12 year old dominatrix, 18 kids, and a trach ring

Published by Kevin on May 13, 2008 in News. 21 Comments

People send me stories all the time and I try to blog about them but I don’t always get to them. instead of just forgetting about the stories I want put in a little effort and share them with you.

Here are a few stories that I was sent in the last week.

Man Uses Steak Knife to Perform Self-Tracheotomy- I feel like a pussy because I hate even dealing with an ingrown toe nail.

Feds: Girl, 12, trained to work as a dominatrix- I thought it sucked that I had to get a paper route at 12, I guess it is better than shoving pokers into guys asses and putting cigarettes out on their tongues. Her job probably pays a little more.

Woman Pregnant with 18th Child- At this point you have to believe that her vagina is like a slip and slide. Talk about throwing a hot dog down a hallway while having sex.

A Massive Bill O’Riley Meltdown- I love the shift from raging lunatic to normal newscaster back to complete psycho.

If you have any news stories you want to share just use the contact button at the top of the page.

What story do you find most disturbing out of the 3?

Other Crap Like This:

Make a Wish

At What Age Can You Start Making Fun of Other Peoples Kids?

The Long Lost “Ring My Bell” Appearance

Random Thoughts…

The answer to the question you are all asking

My Letter to Internet Qatar

Published by Kevin on May 13, 2008 in Pointless Banter Stuff. 15 Comments

Back story: So the other day I was banned by internet Qatar, basically an entire country can’t read my website. So here is my letter to them.

Dear Internet Qatar,

Hi from the United States!

I am just writing to talk about your recent decision to ban my site from your country. Personally I feel like your actions were a little harsh. Honestly there are a lot of things we share in common. I think once you get to know me a little bit better that you will quickly unban my site and allow the people of your great country to experience fun and good times.

1) Your country produces a ton of natural gas and so do I. The only difference is that you guys make a ton of money off it while the only thing I get out of my production is watching my girlfriend get upset when I give her a dutch oven.

2) Your country was born in the 1970s and so was I.

3) The British have regularly pissed you off and they have annoyed the ever living crap out of me. Especially the McCann family. In your country what would the punishment be if two parents left their kids unattended so they could go out to dinner? My guess is beheading and you know what? We are totally on the same page.

4) You served as a launching point for our invasion of Iraq… And I have a cousin in the military. So that is kind of the same thing.

5) Before you got into natural gas you were into pearling and I enjoy making pearl necklace references.

6) You believe that women should be allowed to drive… Okay maybe we don’t have EVERYTHING in common.

7) Your laws allow for a moderate consumption of alcohol… We aren’t doing very good here… maybe I will just scrap listing out more stuff.

Anyways I know it is your job to protect the people of your country against things you deem as inappropriate. I get that. I won’t let my nephew watch things like Evil Dead, Basic Instinct, or Jade because I don’t think they are appropriate for him. So I get where you are coming from. However I don’t think I am inappropriate at all. Sure I might make an off color joke here or there but how can you find some inappropriate that wears a princess hat at Disneyland? Come on.

princess

In closing I just want you to know I don’t dislike you guys or anything. In fact I see this as a chance as a way from us to come together. I can teach you guys about American culture and you can allow your residents to read this blog and share their views on what I have to say. (As long as they speak English and have never watched the movie “American Dreamz”.)

Actually why not take this a step further. I will allow you to post a “Jihad of the Week” post on my blog as long as I can get five minutes on Al-Jazeera each week. How isn’t that a win/win situation?

I hope to hear back from you.

Your new friend,

Kevin

this is going up at humor-blogs.com

Other Crap Like This:

Screw You Qatar- Not that you can read this

I’ve got mail… convict love returns

5 Things the Interweb Has Ruined For Me

Never Again

The Letter