So last night I was trying to think about what I was going to write about today and I threw up a post on twitter asking for some suggestions. Steve said that he wanted to hear a gambling story. I have a lot of them but really have never written about them. Of course just like stories about fighting or sex the best gambling stories are filled with failure and embarrassment.
A few years back I went to Las Vegas with my then girlfriend or girl that I refused to call my girlfriend yet had sex with multiple times a week and slept over at her house almost every other day. This was my first real trip to Vegas where I was going to rip it up. I was going to drink heavily, I was going to carouse, and I was going to really experience Vegas. So when we arrived in the early afternoon on Friday we went directly to a bar and started drinking.
That evening we were going to see the Black Crowes at the Hard Rock Hotel and I decided to drink through dinner so we would be primed at ready to go. While at the show my lovely companion continued to feed me a steady diet of captain and cokes. The show was excellent and might have been one of the best shows I have ever seen; a good time was had by all.
As we exited the concert venue at the Hard Rock I made a beeline for the blackjack tables. At this point in the evening I could barely speak but blackjack sounded like a good idea.
Now in my head this is how I thought things went:
I am really social when I am drunk and playing blackjack. I want everyone at the table to get rolling. So I start fist pounding everyone and calling it the “fun and good times” table. We were cheering for each other and some people were winning money. (Of course I wasn’t.) Every time the waitress came around I ordered a drink and pounded it down, showing off how much of a stud I was. While I didn’t win money (I lost over $600 bucks in that one sitting) we still had fun and I was a source of entertainment for everyone at our table.
In reality this is probably what really happened:
When I am drunk and playing blackjack I am loud and annoying. While I think I want everyone at the table to feel the mojo and get rolling I really am distracting them from playing and ruining their time. Because of this I am end up costing myself money and everyone else at the table. The hotel kept feeding me drinks because I was hammered and gambling. Everyone at the table pretty much wanted me to walk away to salvage some dignity.
I prefer to remember things in the first version.
To top things off I drank so much that I couldn’t really drink rest of the weekend because I was hung over for three days. Plus on my way out of the hotel that night I:
-Attempted to grab the ass of a cocktail waitress in front of my girlfriend and missing, just grabbing air.
-Fell while getting into the cab.
Well done Kevin… Well done.
You’re so money and you don’t even know it…. Indeed.
Have you ever ruined a trip by your drunken antics?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
(I did return there this fall and won back some of the money I lost to them… I will get all of the money I spent back before I die. Bastards.)
Now most logical people would just go to a different place for their birthday, where they know other large groups of people are going to be. But my friends and I were pretty loyal to the bar we always went to plus add in the factor that we didn’t have to drive and we were hooked. So for a few years in a row my birthday really kind of blew in the fun category, it was just us going out to the same bar getting hammered with no people to annoy with our reveling. Basically it was just like any other night out on the town.
The night went on and I kept drinking and offering. Drinking and offering, then just drinking, and then even more drinking…. Then finally drinking to a point where I blacked out. Everything was kind of a blur from about 1am on; I woke up at 6 am naked on the bottom of a bunk bed with my junk and stomach covered in pudding and empty pudding cups next to the bed. I look beside me and see a girl that could politely be described is horribly unattractive even for a mutant.
Around this time at work I had been hooking up with this girl named Loretta that I worked with. Loretta was going to college in the area and our seduction dance was stuff legends are made of. In fact I think it makes the ‘Notebook’ look heartless. We both would occasionally flirt with each other at work, but that wasn’t really significant as everyone there flirted with everyone else. I didn’t really think much of it until one night we were closing the store and stocking the shelves and had this deep and meaningful conversation.
After the party ended we all ended up in my friend Dennis’s room for an after party where we were going to have a few more drinks. I headed to the bathroom and Loretta jumped up to follow behind me, grabbing me and kissing me once I entered the bathroom. Shortly there after the other girl walked into the bathroom stating that she didn’t want to be left out. At that point it finally registered in my head what was about to take place as we headed off to my room for the night.
I write about the stuff we all think but don't like to talk about.
