The wheels go around and around but sometimes they fall off
Yesterday I gave a little introduction to this piece in talking about my favorite car ever, Big Amanda.
Big Amanda went through many experiences with me. We were almost destroyed by a snow plow, we caused a man to run a red light to get away from us after we gave him the finger when he cut us off, and Big Amanda was present for the worst group date in the history of mankind.
In the winter of 1995 I was hanging out with a girl from another school named BH (I would list her name but I googled it and she was the first person that came up, I could just change it but I am way too lazy at this point of the evening). BH was attractive, intelligent, blond, athletic, well off, classy, and totally out of my league. I still would run into her from time to time up until I moved out here and I would think, “what the fuck was she thinking?”
Anyways, we lived about ten minutes away from each other in small towns south of Rochester, NY. In the dead of winter during a horrible snow storm we decided to get together and drive up to Rochester to hang out and do something. What this something was escapes me in my old age but I am sure it was one of the following:
1) Go up to the ghetto and score some rock
2) Get a hotel room and have a massive orgy
3) Drive around pretending we have someplace to go but because we were high school kids we would probably end up at Denny’s ordering something really cheap off of the menu
BH told me that she had two friends that she was hanging out with and that I should round up a couple of my buddies. I called Mark and Marty (remember Marty is the guy that screwed the retarded girl, if you need to get caught up on that story you can read it here) and said that BH had two friends and wanted to hang out, they knew the quality of BH so I figured they wouldn’t say no. Both of my friends were down for it so we headed over to BH’s friends house to pick them up. All of this is so pure and innocent to this point, it all changed as soon as we pulled up.
While I am an asshole, Marty is a supreme asshole, he always was a supreme asshole and because he is such an asshole our friendship is null and void at this point in my life. Back then I just ignored the level of asshole that he was, he wasn’t just an asshole he was a RACIST asshole. When we pulled up to BH’s friends house we noticed that one of her friends was Asian. Marty immediately started saying things like, “Oh great I get stuck with the shovel head.” This was not a good sign because Marty likes to carry things to far, you know like screwing a retarded girl. So when they got into the car he talked about shoveling his driveway for ten minutes, each time he mentioned the word shovel he over emphasized it. The thing is I couldn’t call him out for it without making everything even more uncomfortable than it was so the night had started out shitty.
None of us were supposed to be going up to Rochester this evening because there was a massive snowstorm hitting the area. Since we were cool and utterly stupid we all decided to ignore our parents and go up there anyways. Things were going well after the rocky start, we all were talking about what we could be doing and other important topics such as gossip about the bitchiest girls at BH’s school. The night was going well and the idea that maybe I would get to feel some tit over the shirt began to dance in my head, when all of a sudden my car began to wobble a bit.
My back left tire shot off the car and rolled through traffic as sparks shot from the back. I managed to pull the car over safely as Mark said, “Your tire… it just… fell…. off.”
A police officer pulled over and called a tow truck for us. As we sat there and waited we just figured that the tow truck driver might be able to attach the wheel back on and we would be on our merry way, ah the ignorance of youth. When he pulled up and looked at the car he informed us that, “You guys are totally, utterly, and completely screwed.” He towed the car to his station and dropped us off at the bowling alley down the street, which was in the heart of the ghetto.
Out of the 100 people in there 15 were white and of those 15 we were 5 of them. BH and her friends being from the richest school district in the county where we lived were probably were seeing African Americans for the first time (ok that is a bit of an exaggeration but none of us went to racially diverse school districts). We sat in the bowling alley and debated who would call their parents to come pick them up. Since none of us were supposed to be up in Rochester nobody was exactly stepping forward.
Then a guys pager goes off and BH pulls a Julie from the original season of the Real World and asks, “Do you think he is a drug dealer?” This was loud enough for everyone around us to hear it, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife at this point. I was sitting there thinking that I was about to get the shit kicked out of me because princess over here had never seen a black person. (See living in California for two years did pay off. I got to see people with different skin colors, oh and the LA Riots.)
The debate continued about how we were going to get home. One idea was to have Mark’s sister drive us but she had a smaller car and when called said, “I’ll take you home but not those stuck up bitches.” So this left us with a choice to make we could get the ride home and get the hell out of the bowling alley, in the ghetto, at 1 am or we could say no and hold out for a way to get everyone home. Mark told his sister he would give her a call back so we could figure this out. Our debate lasted all about five seconds when one of the girls said, “We shouldn’t have to call our parents at all because we shouldn’t be the ones getting in trouble. It’s all the boys’ faults.”
Mark was on the phone shortly thereafter and one of the girls had to call their parents. I had survived a date with Ava Braun, lost my car, and was about to be grounded for a month…. and no over the shirt titty feel. It was the worst group date ever.
What was your worst date ever?
On 10/27/06 at 5:17 am
said:
First
On 10/27/06 at 5:19 am
said:
[quote comment="976"]First[/quote]
See nothing really has changed
On 10/27/06 at 5:19 am
said:
OK I am first I think?? Thanks for all the extra work but you are worth it
On 10/27/06 at 5:21 am
said:
Sounds like fun. Wheels falling off of cars is always a good time.
We don’t “date” here.
I did go out with an American for 2 1/2 years. He claims we went on dates in the beginning, but I didn’t think kicking his ass at pool and getting drunk was a date.
On 10/27/06 at 5:22 am
said:
You have officially sold out you whore. That turns me on!
On 10/27/06 at 5:23 am
said:
why oh why are people bitching about you blogging outside of myspace?
Tools
My worst date?.. hmmm Cant say I’ve ever had a bad date really. I’m just lucky
Mst
x
On 10/27/06 at 5:24 am
said:
Last I knew Gravitar was down for like two weeks with a polite tough shit note. So all I get is that gruesome lady face when I comment on Donkster’s rants and revelations.
And since your a bugger and making me come here, well all I can say is if that damn wheel rolls past my car when I’m moseying my way down my highway - I’ll pick it up for ya, even if I do look like a horrid old hag.
(and only girls name cars)
Oh - and thank God my Google speel chexs works here.
Peace out.
On 10/27/06 at 5:26 am
said:
That’s it?? no ground meat beating?? No Sexual encounters with the rich bitch kind??? oiy .. that was a bad date … But rest assure there are people that have had it worse!
On 10/27/06 at 5:27 am
said:
Oh dear. How could u. making me push my backspace button. I’ll NEVER forgive u. Wait, what were we talking about.. hmm… why do I feel like buying tires?
Hannah
On 10/27/06 at 5:32 am
said:
I don’t know. It isn’t TOO bad over here.
On 10/27/06 at 5:33 am
said:
There’s a way to cheat in the blog ratings???? Explain how???
On 10/27/06 at 5:35 am
said:
nice place Kevin! I forgot now what I wrote originally in the myspace blog - OH yeah my shitty chevette, fire engine red that looked like mailbox tearing down the street sounding like a weedwacker
On 10/27/06 at 5:53 am
said:
Worst date ever…EASY.
We met at a mutual friends party, made dinner plans for the next week at our* favorite restaurant.
He was an 45 minutes late, because I gave him bad directions. Then we get to Destination 1. After we are seated and preparing to order, he asks me what’s good. It was our* favorite restaurant.
He proceeds to tell me he used to hit his ex and approximately 30 minutes to an hour are spent talking about why and her. I order a drink and he asks for me to order him one too, hmmmm. Thought we were all 21. Fast forward a few irritating hours, we go to a party at the mutual friends house, my friend was at work, his friend was throwing the party. After insisting we take separate cars, we arrive. He then proceeds to stare down any guy that looks twice at me (my friends, his too), and becomes stuck to me like glue. I’m talking waiting outside the bathroom every time I go, including while I hide and call begging my friend Keefe to come home and make it end. He then attacked me in the drive way with a kiss, comparable only to David Guest and Liza Minnelli’s. After he begs me to go back to his dorm to play video games, swearing it’s innocent. I decide to go (HOME), only then does he follow me out and harass me saying I hate him and will never call (I did, but I lied). Then he trumps every crazy thing and blocks my truck in. Being in a large SUV, I hit his car anyway and left. Oh and he pointed out some broad he fucked, who hated him and thought he was an ass, but she was a “dyke” anyway. I should have bounced when I had the chance, before dinner.
On 10/27/06 at 5:54 am
said:
I’ve had many “worst dates ever.” Considering I’ve only been on a total of about 5 real dates in my entire life… my worst dates have taken place in drive thrus and in the electronics department at Walmart.
Yeah, I’ve dated some real classy guys, lemme tell ya.
On 10/27/06 at 5:58 am
said:
“Kevin,
Besides the GREAT content, the ‘move’ to this site is / was inspirational…I totally agree with your reasoning. And while it may not be as colorful here as ‘over there’, you are still THE master! Would you consider adopting me???
Since there are no ‘fromal’ kudos here to give, I give you a “Bear” (that’s my dog in my MySpace profile picture) rating of FOUR paws!!!”
On 10/27/06 at 6:00 am
said:
I had a bad date when I was too young to date so I was dropped off and picked up at the local movie theatre by my Mom. At the time the local theatre had only one screen thus only one movie choice. (The multi-plex was 30 minutes away and no way Mom was driving me that far for a movie.) Went to see “Alive” which is not a very romantic movie anyway. The date itself was pretty boring but I found out the next day in Chemistry class that my date had taken Sylvia to the same movie the night before and used all the same lines on her as me. Including the fake stretch / arm over the shoulder move and the fish-like kiss during the same scene. I’m still friends with this guy and we laughed about this over a beer at a football game recently.
Kevin, your stories from high school and college crack me up! Whenever you mention movies or music it takes me back to those years, us being the same age and all.
On 10/27/06 at 6:05 am
said:
My worst date was in high school. I was 16 and this guy had wanted to take me out for a long time, so i agreeded. we went out to a party and at the end of the night I was so wasted that when he went to kiss me I said ” just a second” and then proceeded to puke out the side of his jeep. I thought the date was over then but he still wanted a kiss. YUK! He did ask me out again but, I said no. Not a very great date but memorable. Nice site!
On 10/27/06 at 6:07 am
said:
Funny stuff. I mean hell! That was some excitement for a small town boy, huh? Anyways - worse date - was out to dinner with a guy that I really liked and had an allergic reaction to the shrimp that we ate at dinner, within a manner of 5 minutes after eating. Not a great time.
On 10/27/06 at 6:08 am
said:
[quote comment="979"] but I didn’t think kicking his ass at pool and getting drunk was a date.[/quote]
Fiona…kicking ass at pool and getting drunk IS a date.
On 10/27/06 at 6:13 am
said:
yeah I rode in a car once that the wheel fell off. I was asleep at time… talk about a wake up.
On 10/27/06 at 6:23 am
said:
See, only the best things happen in Rochester!!
On 10/27/06 at 6:34 am
said:
Man, that’s harsh. I woulda dumped them up there too man. So, were you able to get Big Amanda back, or was that her untimely end?
On 10/27/06 at 6:39 am
said:
This is me bitching. j/k I remember most of the high school group dates I went on to keep my friend company, I would end up with some guy who thought I’d be a free lay just because I was there. So most the dates were spent trying to avoid any close contact with said person. I don’t know why I did this more then once but I did. Glutton for punishment and such.
PS love your blogs.
On 10/27/06 at 6:40 am
said:
okay so i have played on here before and as someone else mentioned i got the haggy old lady pic on donk’s site but this was a quality blog. no kudos though
if i could i would give you some but no space
On 10/27/06 at 6:53 am
said:
How do you cheat on blogging on Myspace?
On 10/27/06 at 6:55 am
said:
my worst date ever was new year’s eve 1998. my boyfriend and i were trying to make it to meet up with friends in san francisco. well, they kept travelling around so we were always one step behind them. instead of being smart and just saying fuck it and staying at one of the clubs, we were in the cab at the stroke of midnight. so we had a shitty night doing nothing, and paid like 60 dollars in cab fair to do it.
On 10/27/06 at 7:13 am
said:
LMAO…Good story, but I loved your FAQs more. You crack me up.
On 10/27/06 at 7:14 am
said:
You suck for doing this… sellout.
hahaha
That’s some funny shit, though. Bitches always saying things too loud. I can’t think of anything terribly bad that ever happened while I was out, but I can think of tons of good things.
On 10/27/06 at 7:24 am
said:
hahahaha
Great blog Kevin
On 10/27/06 at 7:52 am
said:
Ha that really was the worst date ever. Being stranded is the worst feeling ever…a friend of mine had just been dumped by a guy she had deemed the love of her life and when he brought his new lady out to the cabin to share the bed he and my friend were supposed to share - a mere four days after the breakup. Jenn was devestated so we opted to drive the four hours from Green Water home in the middle of the night. Apparently gas stations in small towns, not open after 11:00 pm. Yeah, we plum ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere while Semi’s passed us by and trucks full of large men pulled over to see if we needed help. Thankfully my better half has CAA and within an hour a tow truck pulled up with some chuckle head who thought it was comical we were stuck in the Outter Limits. He pumped $7.00 worth of gas in our car then followed us to the nearest town where he filled our tank from a truck stop….
On 10/27/06 at 7:55 am
said:
I once went out with a guy who got so drunk that when he was following me home from a club he decided playing bumper cars with our vehicles was a good idea. At first I thought I was just drunk when I felt my car rocking at a stop light…then I realized he was repeatedly slightly hitting me from behind and laughing his ass off the whole time.
On 10/27/06 at 8:10 am
said:
my date…too young to really call it a date and too young to drive, so I was dropped off to meet her at the local movie theatre….I only hae really one memory that I remember and it hounts me to this day..why? I kissed her and it tasted like Dial soap….
Needless to say I cannot hear the word, see the soap, ect. the taste comes right back to my mouth…yuck
On 10/27/06 at 8:35 am
said:
Worst date ended when I got thrown up on.
On 10/27/06 at 8:43 am
said:
I just came over here to bitch at you. Gravatar is down so you can’t see my sexy pic. Damn.
On 10/27/06 at 8:45 am
said:
[quote comment="978"]OK I am first I think?? Thanks for all the extra work but you are worth it :)[/quote]
I know that link is a killer…
but thanks for coming over I appreciate it.
On 10/27/06 at 8:47 am
said:
[quote comment="979"]Sounds like fun. Wheels falling off of cars is always a good time.
We don’t “date” here.
I did go out with an American for 2 1/2 years. He claims we went on dates in the beginning, but I didn’t think kicking his ass at pool and getting drunk was a date.[/quote]
I call that foreplay
On 10/27/06 at 8:47 am
said:
[quote comment="980"]You have officially sold out you whore. That turns me on![/quote]
What doesn’t turn you on?
On 10/27/06 at 8:48 am
said:
I’ll give you the cliff notes. This happened well after my high years had ended. “He” asked me out. Wanted to take me “shootin’”! You know, line up the empty cans and shoot at them? Gads. He also mentioned having an old vaccuum for us to shoot at. Then he planned to take us roller skating. Oh brother. Another good one, different guy, was the one who decided to run from the cops when we were on our way home. Pulled into some random driveway and tried to get me to get into the drivers seat. I did end up driving, but only after they arrested him and I needed to get home. On his way to the squad car, he asks, “can I call you again?” uh….NO! Give me a minute to think…I’m sure I can list a dozen more. Sad but true.
On 10/27/06 at 8:48 am
said:
[quote comment="981"]why oh why are people bitching about you blogging outside of myspace?
Tools
My worst date?.. hmmm Cant say I’ve ever had a bad date really. I’m just lucky
Mst
x[/quote]
People don’t like to leave the friendly confines of the space.
On 10/27/06 at 8:49 am
said:
[quote comment="982"]Last I knew Gravitar was down for like two weeks with a polite tough shit note. So all I get is that gruesome lady face when I comment on Donkster’s rants and revelations.
And since your a bugger and making me come here, well all I can say is if that damn wheel rolls past my car when I’m moseying my way down my highway - I’ll pick it up for ya, even if I do look like a horrid old hag.
(and only girls name cars)
Oh - and thank God my Google speel chexs works here.
Peace out.[/quote]
Only girls name cars?… at least we dont feminise them and say things like ’she’s my baby’
maybe is air bag companies actually painted nipples on air begs to make them at least look feminie, I could understand it
hey now there’s a marketing idea
On 10/27/06 at 8:49 am
said:
[quote comment="982"]Last I knew Gravitar was down for like two weeks with a polite tough shit note. So all I get is that gruesome lady face when I comment on Donkster’s rants and revelations.
And since your a bugger and making me come here, well all I can say is if that damn wheel rolls past my car when I’m moseying my way down my highway - I’ll pick it up for ya, even if I do look like a horrid old hag.
(and only girls name cars)
Oh - and thank God my Google speel chexs works here.
Peace out.[/quote]
Gravatar is down while they upgrade. Thanks for pointing that out. I kind of forgot about it.
On 10/27/06 at 8:49 am
said:
OMG!!! TYPO!!! That would be after my HIGH SCHOOL YEARS had ended!! Not my “high years”, they hadn’t started yet, hehehe
On 10/27/06 at 8:50 am
said:
[quote comment="983"]That’s it?? no ground meat beating?? No Sexual encounters with the rich bitch kind??? oiy .. that was a bad date … But rest assure there are people that have had it worse![/quote]
Oh I am sure… But that was a pretty shitty night the whole way around.
On 10/27/06 at 8:52 am
said:
[quote comment="984"]Oh dear. How could u. making me push my backspace button. I’ll NEVER forgive u. Wait, what were we talking about.. hmm… why do I feel like buying tires?
Hannah[/quote]
I have a nice set of radials I can sell you cheap
On 10/27/06 at 8:52 am
said:
i cant get pass the marty and the retarded girl part…
On 10/27/06 at 8:55 am
said:
[quote comment="1020"]OMG!!! TYPO!!! That would be after my HIGH SCHOOL YEARS had ended!! Not my “high years”, they hadn’t started yet, hehehe[/quote]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
On 10/27/06 at 8:56 am
said:
[quote comment="1023"]i cant get pass the marty and the retarded girl part…[/quote]
yeah that blog tends to do that
On 10/27/06 at 8:57 am
said:
[quote comment="986"]I don’t know. It isn’t TOO bad over here.[/quote]
You aren’t going to get herpes or anything
On 10/27/06 at 8:58 am
said:
[quote comment="987"]There’s a way to cheat in the blog ratings???? Explain how???[/quote]
It would require charts and diagrams it would get way out of hand
On 10/27/06 at 9:00 am
said:
This sucks. That date sucked too.
Dammit, why am I here?
On 10/27/06 at 9:00 am
said:
[quote comment="989"]Worst date ever…EASY.
We met at a mutual friends party, made dinner plans for the next week at our* favorite restaurant.
He was an 45 minutes late, because I gave him bad directions. Then we get to Destination 1. After we are seated and preparing to order, he asks me what’s good. It was our* favorite restaurant.
[/quote]
It took me a second to get the our thing… my god… I was really hoping that it turned around in the end and you two ended up getting married.
On 10/27/06 at 9:01 am
said:
[quote comment="990"]I’ve had many “worst dates ever.” Considering I’ve only been on a total of about 5 real dates in my entire life… my worst dates have taken place in drive thrus and in the electronics department at Walmart.
Yeah, I’ve dated some real classy guys, lemme tell ya.[/quote]
Nothing like looking at shitty cd players at Wallie World
On 10/27/06 at 9:02 am
said:
[quote comment="991"]“Kevin,
Besides the GREAT content, the ‘move’ to this site is / was inspirational…I totally agree with your reasoning. And while it may not be as colorful here as ‘over there’, you are still THE master! Would you consider adopting me???
Since there are no ‘fromal’ kudos here to give, I give you a “Bear” (that’s my dog in my MySpace profile picture) rating of FOUR paws!!!”[/quote]
I have never been called inspirational before I don’t know how to handle it
On 10/27/06 at 9:10 am
said:
good story Kevin “Kudos” but don’t feel bad about your car I had a old car to called Good Charlotte that busted wheels all the time. But I was little older when I had it so I didn’t get in trouble for be stranded far away. But I did steal my moms car when I was 14 then try to cover it up so I wouldn’t get caught, because at the time she was gone and left the keys at the house. As soon as I left and got the courage to leave I passed my mom and her friend on the road. My ass was like black and blue that night. but it was a treasured adolescent memory.
On 10/27/06 at 9:10 am
said:
That’s horrible!! Teenagers are such fucktards. I know I was (I’m much better now though-HA)
My worst date was for a friend (she was going out with this guy and his cousin had just moved to town…) He had really bad tooth decay with some teeth missing. Thinning mullet. And he kinda smelled. We all went to play pool and he informed me (jokingly, I think) up front that he “don’t pay unless he knows he’s goin’ get paid back” wink wink nudge nudge. I just left. I had insisted on driving (Christine the posessed car.) He actually followed me out and tried to kiss… Ugh… It was hideous. I’m not even too obsessed with appearance. But bad hygeine is just not ok.
I still love you out of the myspace realm.
On 10/27/06 at 9:14 am
said:
My worst date ever. I had just moved from Orange County, Ca, where I had grown up, to the middle of nowhere, Indiana. My new boss, at my new job, thought I would be “perfect” for her brother, so she set me up on a blind date with him. After an hour at a restaurant and mind-numbingly boring conversation about tractors and combines, of which, being a city girl, I had absolutely no knowledge, he was supposed to take me home, where I could quickly make my escape. Instead, he drives around, and next thing I know, we’re in the middle of the forest, and he’s telling me I can’t get out of the car, because the wild animals will attack me, (being young and naive, not knowing the only wild animals in the area were deer, I believed him and started to cry, which he thought was hilarious). Needless to say, for a while, I didn’t think I would survive the night. Try explaining to your boss that you won’t go back out with her brother because he is Psycho!!! I never went on a blind date again.
On 10/27/06 at 9:30 am
said:
[quote comment="1033"]
I still love you out of the myspace realm.[/quote]
Thanks Joni I appreciate it!
On 10/27/06 at 9:34 am
said:
[quote comment="1014"][quote comment="979"]Sounds like fun. Wheels falling off of cars is always a good time.
We don’t “date” here.
I did go out with an American for 2 1/2 years. He claims we went on dates in the beginning, but I didn’t think kicking his ass at pool and getting drunk was a date.[/quote]
I call that foreplay[/quote]
That’s what I thought it was….
On 10/27/06 at 10:18 am
said:
[quote comment="988"]nice place Kevin! I forgot now what I wrote originally in the myspace blog - OH yeah my shitty chevette, fire engine red that looked like mailbox tearing down the street sounding like a weedwacker[/quote]
ooops, the original blog was about What Was the Worst Car You Ever Owned which somehow became The Worst Date you Ever Had… coincidentally that shitty chevette of mine had a hatchback, with my long legs that was great but one night my girl and I took advantage of that car’s feature in a conservation area and my ass was bitten by mosquitos
On 10/27/06 at 10:26 am
said:
Im 26 and the worst date ever happend about months ago. My current boyfriend and I were just startig t ose eachother and my best friend knew he hadnt kissed me yet… I told her prior to the date that if he didnt grow some balls and kiss me then this shit was over. The tension was mounting towards the end of the date, as she kept making sly rude ass comments about balls and my mouth (tact Im telling you) and at the end of the night when he was just leaning in to kiss me she yells “fucking finally you pussy!” Yeah, that stopped him mid track, he walked over to her and said “you have the foulest mouth I’ve ever seen on a woman. If and I eman If I ever take her out again, you will not be invited, do you understand?” He tipped his hat towards me and said “I’ll call you tomorrow, you have a good night” and got in his truck. I was humiliated. She is still my best friend and I think that we’ll end uo getting married one day lol. Anyone who can put this girl in her place holds a special place in my heart
On 10/27/06 at 1:26 pm
said:
Ok this really sucks and stop being a cry baby about myspace… i miss my myspace kevin and these comment boxes suck too. nice blog though..
On 10/27/06 at 1:48 pm
said:
[quote comment="1042"]Ok this really sucks and stop being a cry baby about myspace… i miss my myspace kevin and these comment boxes suck too. nice blog though..[/quote]
I am going to be splitting time between the two… Myspace does nothing for me at this point
On 10/27/06 at 2:08 pm
said:
My best friend is gay, and so he loved the movie “Brokeback Mountain”. I really liked this guy, and he asked me out to go see a movie. I didn’t read any of the reviews of the movies playing at the time, so I asked my best friend what I should see. He said to go see Brokeback Mountain, so for our first date we went to see brokeback mountain.
On 10/27/06 at 2:15 pm
said:
I think the worst thing is when one of your friends lies to some girl and tells them that you like them. Then either her or her friends end up getting ahold of you and asking you about it. That right there is a really awkward moment. But afterward, if you’re lucky, you can kick your friend’s ass.
On 10/27/06 at 2:57 pm
said:
Shovel head? WTF? I have never heard that one before…jeeez that’s bad.