Along with Jersey Shore MTV scored another breakout hit with their show “Teen Mom” which depicts the lives of four girls from their series “16 and Pregnant”. Allegedly the show is supposed to turn teens off from getting knocked up but when they think they might be able to score a reality TV show deal out of it… well I think it kind of defeats the purpose. (Also it doesn’t hurt that the website has huge baby picture galleries and writes about their stories in such a positive light).
Last night they held the reunion show, which I saved on my DVR. (BTW, saw like four minutes of it. Who the hell put on their makeup? It looks like their face was blasted by the clown makeup gun.) Before I sit down and watch it I want to put on my judgmental prick hat and make some fearless predictions for the future of these girls.
The big news from this season for Maci was that she was splitting up with her boyfriend/baby daddy Ryan. These two absolutely despise each other and tried to gut it out for “the sake of their child” but it isn’t happening. Now Maci faces an unknown future while watching all her friends go away to school and her dreams getting crushed.
Prediction: Out of all the girls on the show Maci will be fine. I could cite her motivation and drive, which she has, but in reality it comes down to one thing… her parents have money and are supportive. Money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure as shit provides a way to bail your daughter out of a costly mistake that could have haunted her for the rest of her life. I think she will live a fairly solid life and stay off the pole.
Probably the least likable person on the show in my opinion, Farrah lives with her parents and attempts to continue to lead the same life she did before getting knocked up. With no baby daddy in the picture she relies on and shits all over her parents. She is currently in Junior College for some restaurant management bullshit and slaves at Buffalo Wild Wings instead of getting a real job that has more consistent pay. But at least it allows for her to go out and meet boooyyyzzzzz.
Prediction: Allegedly Farrah is dating Pauly D from the Jersey Shore. (Although I don’t see how that is possible.) She is the most likely to pose for Playboy or do anything remotely possible to stay in the spotlight. Her mom got arrested for kicking the crap out of her after their 1,459,988th fight but honestly she probably deserved it on some level. She is the type of person that will skate through life never knowing the repercussions of anything she does and using people to get what she wants. She will be stripping within five years. (I guess all that time in high school cheerleading will pay off.)
Catelynn and her string bean boyfriend gave up their child for adoption when the evaluated the odds that their daughter’s life would be absolutely horrific because both families they come from are walking definitions of white trash. She is probably one of the more sympathetic people on the show because she did the right thing by giving the kid up for adoption. Also a tragic figure because she really already has two strikes against her in the game of life (poor + shitty family). The third strike came when her boyfriend proposed to her on the season finale and she said yes.
Prediction: You see a life of tragedy laid out ahead of these people. First of all she needs to break away from the kid she gave up for adoption, she got a tattoo of her daughter’s name and footprint that she gave up for adoption. Ugh, so classy and a really dumb permanent reminder, yet a good conversation starter for the entire rest of your life. Combine that with her getting engaged at 17, which is a divorce waiting to happen. Poor intelligence, poor family history, and just living in a messed up situation Catelynn at best can dream of managing a fast food restaurant someday and hoping her home doesn’t get wiped out by a twister again. She isn’t cute enough to strip and take the Farrah path. The sad thing is she is probably the most sympathetic person on the show and overall has a really good spirit.
Amber was a “party girl” that dropped out of high school and got knocked up. She along with her babby daddy Gary has fueled the concept of “fat people are worthless and lazy”. These two are the least likeable couple of the show and Gary is a few notches below Farrah as the least likeable person on the show, while he does work a lot to support his kid he also does nothing in the way of childcare when he is home. With no support from her parents, no ability to pay childcare, and really no ability to work Amber lives off of government assistant and is allegedly preparing for her GED. (Which she has been preparing for like two years.)
Prediction: Not too much different from Catelynn’s future except for mixing in early onset diabetes. Also you really don’t feel sorry for these two as much as Catelynn because they come off as completely horrible people that fight in front of their child constantly. The thing is this is what the show should have been about with them as the model couple. Not Farrah or Maci who have some parental support and money. After the show is done they have a life of poverty sitting in front of them.
Holy crap I just wrote the least funny and most judgmental blogpost of my entire life. A 1000 word diatribe, oh well… this is a day when comments need to save me.
So what did you think of Teen Mom on MTV?