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What TV has taught me in the last few months

By: Bobby Finstock on 01/22/10 @ 9:21 am

Our generation, one that has been raised on television, has drawn a lot of lessons from TV over the years that has formed us as people and kept us safe. Important things like, “Say no, then go, then tell.” As well as if you go on the Real World and want to get in a fight it is perfectly okay to fight someone that doesn’t live with you, drive drunk, and participate in other high risk activity just don’t lay your hand on a roommate.

Over the last few months, due to complete sleep deprivation, I have been watching way more television than usual. Here are some of the key lessons that TV has taught me.

Here are some great lessons from “Teen Mom” on MTV:

-That knocking up a 16-year-old girl would probably be a bad move.

-Never have kids because they will just grow up to horribly disappoint you.

-If I do have daughter and she gets pregnant as a teenager I need to kick her out of the house immediately so she doesn’t make me watch her kid all the time while she continually goes out and chases boys. Leading to me kicking the crap out of her. (Where have I heard this before?)

Someone didn't learn their lesson the first time

Jersey Shore taught me some valuable lessons at as well:

-If someone is nice that means they must be clean.

-Never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.

-Never go out in a bar or a club with a camera crew following you repeatedly for an entire summer. It can only lead to the following things:

1) Multiple fights

2) Every single girl knowing who you are and whom you take home.

3) It makes it easier for crazy Israeli girls to stalk you.

-If a girl self labels herself as a “sweetheart” she is you an attention starved, trouble-making bitch.

-Don’t put coal and lighter fluid into a gas grill and try to light it.

What lessons have you learned from television in the last few months?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

7 Responses to “What TV has taught me in the last few months”

  1. stockyirish says:

    just last night I learned that a Wraith will show it’s true self in a mirror and silver will kill it, a prehistoric virus can take over your mind, the CDC will try to kill people instead of finding a cure, and that pretending to be a hick is a good way to make people hire you for insurance scams.

  2. Meghan says:

    I learned that I crossed a threshold that I’m too old to participate in these shows ever again…but that makes them all that much more enjoyable to watch. Its a little bittersweet…but with lots of judgment. I like it.

  3. Patty Punker says:

    the bachelor taught me that you can be as slutty as you want as long as you don’t slum it with one of the crew. always keep your skankiness on the up and up.

  4. LOTNorm says:

    I’ve learned my ABCs: A-B-C-D-E-G wait, dammit! Damn you, Sesame Street!

    I’ve also learned to keep my pants off the ground, which sounds more like marital advice than anything else.

  5. AALV says:

    You forgot “If you’re Italian and from New Jersey, you are an idiot”. Also, “Apparently fake tans now come in orange AND stupid”. There’s all sorts of stuff.

  6. kiki says:

    i learned to abbreviate everything i do, just like my friends on the Jersey Shore, such as G.T.L. {“Gym, Tan, Laundry, Baby!”}. i go to the gym, i have a fake tan, and i do all the laundry. i heard Snickers might get her own “Bachelorette” type show, too. i watched a few eps of Teen Mom. i couldn’t handle it, especially Amber and Farrah. when the time is right, i will tell my son his penis will fall off if he has premarital sex. take care.

  7. Amy says:

    I’ve learned that the Fresh Beat Band can pop AND hip hop. I watch a lot of Nick. I had too many kids.

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