The Two Supermarkets
I live less than half a mile away from a supermarket and I loathe going to it. Every time I step in there I begin to wish for a quick death. However, if I drive an extra mile I can go to a better supermarket that is part of the same chain and it always ends up being a much more enjoyable experience. (It is no Wegmans, but I will survive.) Sometimes though that extra mile just doesn’t make sense, like last week when I had to go and buy toilet paper because I ran out and had to use paper towels. (My ass hated me for that.)
The thing is they are the exact same store. Sure one might be a few years older but it isn’t like one end of town is higher end than the other. They are both in the same middle to upper middle class area and they sell the same products, however each leave me with a totally different feeling after stepping in them.
So yesterday during the second half of the Patriots game, which was about as entertaining as a Mormon wedding reception, I decided to go to both stores and see what the exact reasons were why I liked one so much better. I walked around the store and bought a couple of items at each one, I felt like one of those secret shoppers except with more discerning taste.
Here is what I came up with:
1) Less old people- The store that I like going to has less old people in it per visit. In general I don’t mind old people but when you involve them and anything that includes an inordinate amount of time you are screwed. They have zero desire to shop quickly because this is their weekly highlight.
Add to that old people’s “I don’t give a fuck attitude” and it makes for a bad situation. They leave their carts in the middle of the aisle. They double park next to each other blocking anyone from passing. In general they have zero concern that they are adding 10-20 minutes to your shopping experience because old people just don’t give a fuck. (Frankly they have earned it. It just sucks to have to take it.)
The worst though is when they decide to get daring and use the self-checkout. You would think that I would learn not to get behind a geriatric when they have even one item while using the self checkout but I do every time and each time I want to see if I can jam each section of a kit kat into one of my orifices. (I swear they do it just to rip off the supermarket, one out of every seven items they have scans.)
2) No retarded baggers- I totally love people that are learning disabled/special that go out and get a job. You have to admire their work ethic, attitude, and desire to try but please for the love of God understand that large jug of OJ should not be put with the bread. The one store that I dislike has a bunch of differently-abled people doing the bagging and each time I go they completely destroy what I just bought.
The thing is I don’t want to correct them and be the dick that nit picks someone that’s handicapped. But at the same time I don’t like dryer sheets placed in a bag my apples. The other store doesn’t put me in that situation.
3) It doesn’t have a mystery aisle- In the supermarket I don’t like they have an aisle that must be an overflow aisle for items that they don’t have room for in the sections the items belong. I don’t get if that is really the purpose of the aisle or if it is items that are expiring soon or perhaps they give you special mutant powers if you eat them. It isn’t clearly defined but I feel like these are all the cast offs that nobody wants… Wait… Perhaps they are letting the kids from the front stock shelves as well.
Whatever the case may be I can’t figure the aisle out and frankly it scares me a little bit.
4) An Asian cashier- Oh… That has to be the answer. You can ignore the other three.
Do you have a store you try and avoid?
Would you rather shop at that one store or Big Lots?
Also I don’t think I ever shopped at a store then tried to avoid it.
You had to bring up Big Lots didn’t you?
I have to travel because my large neighborhood store is a freakshow.
Differently-abled doesn’t really begin to describe the help there…I prefer to use the term differently-chromosomed.
Isn’t that the preferred nomenclature?
i have the two supermarkets dilemna too. in my case, it’s go to the one where the cashier bags and takes forever or the one where you’re supposed to help out and bag your own shit. i invariably end up behind some douche that just stands there and waits for the cashier to bag everything once he or she is done ringing. are your fucking arms broken?
That is why I have a love hate relationship with self checkout. Some people can handle the bagging part of it and others can’t, the ones that can’t either wait for someone or bag super slowly.
Walmart…I HATE Walmart, and avoid going to any at all costs. Every time you go, it’s clearly the world’s biggest freakshow. You alsways have at least 1 pimp, 3 whores who are far too large for their far too small clothing, 10 guys named bubba wearing flannel shirts with the sleevs ripped off and the collective IQ of a head of cabbage, and a plethora of folks with more tattoos than teeth
WalMart is my least favorite place on earth.
we have two bel air supermarkets that are about a mile and a half apart. one has wonderful produce and a pretty good natural food section which is why i will go the extra distance even though the other is closer. it is so strange that the same market, just a little over a mile away, is so much of a better store.
I fucking hate going to Wal-Mart. I moved from Illinois, where you can regularly find Wal-marts, to California, where there is one in the area I live. The problem with my Wal-Mart is that there’s a large amount of obese mexicans (actual mexicans who don’t speak english at all) and their obese and obnoxious kids.
we have chains up here in Canada that work the same way; higher priced and lower priced… cosmetically different branding, but the same company… I tend to go to the slightly more expensive grocery stores because I won’t find idiots who park their carts in the middle in the aisle like the world owes them something… but it is safe to do swift, fast shopping at the lower priced grocery stores on Whopper Wednesday
basically you pay a little more so you don’t have to deal with obtuse cashiers would have to count on the fingers or smelly, unemployable types
I wonder how long it will be before we have our groceries delivered by robots. We’re close now, but they’ll need to make sure my refrigerator isn’t going to attack me for eating too much junk food.
“Groceries delivered… robots… attack… junk food”
I just described a wife.
LOL #4… have you been to the stores in san francisco??
i do try to avoid our wholefoods on sunday because of the old people/people with lil kids. they all do stand around in the way and youre the mean one if you happen to trip over one.
Unfortunately I live in an upscale area where the women are air heads! I call it “The Starbucks Factor”. Explanation of the “Factor”.. These air heads will stand in line for 10 minutes, then get up to the counter and ask, ” Do you have coffee”? No numbnuts, Starbucks is an auto dealership! But my husband is a doctor and that is my Lexes parked out front so I can be stupid, hold up the line AND after you tell me you do sell coffee because YOU ARE A COFFEE SHOP, then she will ask what the danish are made from and my favorite,,,” Its organic isn’t it?” Kill me! Then her, her doctor husband, and burn the Lexes. My time is not important, just yours is!!!