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Why Being Poor Sucks

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/23/09 @ 11:50 am

I don’t often take a stand for anyone but today I need to take a stand for the poor people across the world. Being poor sucks. Just to be clear I am not talking about the whole starvation thing or no access to clean water, I am talking about the fact that they get the shit that nobody else wants.

Poor Wang thought this was a hip American band.

Yesterday I was at Barnes and Noble buying one of the last few Christmas gifts on my list. When I went to check out the cashier asked if I wanted to buy a book for less fortunate children and I could select from a range of books behind the counter. Because she was attractive I of course told her I would. (It takes so little for me to piss away my money.)

When I looked behind the counter all the books that were there were shitty books that no kid in the world would want. You know like the Star Wars books not having anything to do with the series and that star characters that weren’t even in the movies. Then there were a bunch of books based off of crappy Japanese Anime, who the hell wants to read a book based off of a show that routinely butchers the english language? Even kids into that stuff wouldn’t want these books.

It dawned on me that Barnes and Noble were basically getting rid of all their shitty books through the guise of people buying something for the less fortunate. All I could think about was the Seinfeld episode where Elaine was giving the muffin stumps to a homeless shelter.


Just because people are poor doesn’t mean they will just take whatever you give them, they have taste and an opinion.

Think about all those kids that get the Superbowl or World Series Champion t-shirts made for the team that lost. You know that somewhere out there is a kid with an Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl Champions t-shirt from last year. Yeah it might protect him from the elements but he is being totally lied to. What is more important being warm or knowing the truth? The truth I say.

Imagine growing up and all you know about sports and who wins what is based off these t-shirts. Your entire knowledge base is created off a lie, when you finally break free of being poor and make it in the real world you will become a laughing stock because every sports reference you make will be totally incorrect. You will probably lose your job because you argued that Phillies won the World Series in 2009 leading to a fight at work thus returning you to the poor house. (See it is cyclical. Giving the shit we don’t want to the poor ultimately keeps them broke.)

So I have decided to do something about this. I am not longer going to support second hand shit  that nobody wants going to the poor. Instead of giving them the crap nobody wants I am just going to give them nothing so they don’t have to suffer the indignity of all of this. We need to bond together and help them out by doing this.

Who is with me?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

21 Responses to “Why Being Poor Sucks”

  1. Fred Pawlowakski says:

    Great shirt! And it is from The Dead Kennedy’s so that has to count for something right? Maybe Asian Zing there knew a thing or two.

  2. melanie d says:

    that shirt is hilarious. jello biafra would be proud.

    i have a problem with the shitty people during canned food drives. no, the poor do not want your creamed corn or your canned beans just because you don’t. why give at all?

    • If they are french cut green beans all is forgiven.

      I always wonder why we have these shitty cans of stuff to begin with. I have never felt the need to buy creamed corn in my life.

  3. Amy says:

    I’m with you…all the kids at the foodbank get is mac n cheese. I’m sure they hate mac n cheese.

  4. Uncle Finstock says:

    …and here in this part of the east coast, where mobile homes’ never die in this neck of the world, mac n’ cheese is still .39 cents a metric ton, and the food staple for all who are truly needy, hence, the mobile home jab, hence, idiots’, therfore the needy.

    Can’t feed the kids’, but I bought a new Buffalo Bills’ winter coat.

  5. Meghan says:

    I got a little annoyed when the kid’s name I drew for Boston Cares gift drive asked me for a $250 Electric Scooter?!?! Theres supposed to be a $30 limit??

    Come to think of it he was Vietnamese, and lived in a shelter…maybe he needed it to deliver food to pull himself out of poverty. See, now I feel bad.

  6. James says:

    The guy should just work in Philadelphia. You get fired there for arguing that the Phillies LOST the World Series.

  7. ketchup says:

    speaking of poor people….

    i live in a 100 year old building between a punk-rock bar and a 24-hour diner with a dive bar attached to it. my apartment is in the back of an art gallery, where artists that enjoy the smell of their own farts listen to bad techno music all day and night. the only entrance to my part of the unit is through the alley in the back. this is no ordinary alley. this alley has a dumpster that homeless people like to poop next to. it also harbors the drunkest people in the city…. the kind that like to smash out the windows on my car that is parked in the lot behind it. this alley also contains a bottomless pothole that the employees of the fine establishments around me lovingly refer to as “Wizard’s Creek”, as they dump garbage and unknown multi-colored liquids into it trying to fill it. beyond this, you must venture through a stagnant swamp that is prepared to become the perfect breeding ground for mosquitos. while attempting to cross the homemade bridge of chairs, you must also dodge the massive bee-hive next to the door. there are no windows, and it is 200 degrees here. i won’t let my cat outside, in fear of her getting shot or eaten. i usually name the cockroaches i meet here. a few days ago there was a monsoon that flooded the bathroom and the “kitchen”(this room consists of a shelf with a hot-plate and a minifridge next to a shower. the toilet is in a separate room). this morning the owner of the diner next door decided to shut off my water, claiming that im stealing water from his restaurant, and that he now has a $7000 water bill. *a warning to all ye who enter here: we have security bees and a moat*

  8. Nathan says:

    Funniest thing you’ve posted in awhile.

  9. Nathan says:


  10. Carl says:

    I’ve always wondered why we have always had to give to the poor. By giving things we have away we make ourselves poor. And since we are giving to people that are behond the point of salvation, we start a horrible chain of events that leads the eventual downfall of our economy. So giving to the poor, leads to a decline in how well our economy works, and we give more at Christmas time, so Christmas is the cause of every economic problem we have ever had. Merry Christmas my ass. Count me on board for the ending of the suffering.

  11. Nathan says:

    I never give to the homeless at Christmas, nor do I ever plan on it. The homeless are people, people who fucked up.

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