Bobby Finstock vs. the Automatic Soap Dispenser
My parents have a lot of gadgets in their home. Personally I am a big fan of many of the gadgets but there is one that I think is either demonically possessed or is just screwing with me, the automatic soap dispenser.
In the bathroom there is an automatic soap dispenser that shoots soap out when you put your hand next to the sensor just like you see in some classy bathrooms like airports and truck stops. Normally I would be all for not having to waste the extra energy in pushing down the top of the soap container to get my clean on but this machine makes me long for the days of having to pick up bar soap and scrub my hands.
You see whenever I get within four feet of it the dispenser goes off. When I go to brush my teeth and turn on the sink water the dispenser sprays soap covering the toothbrush in soap. So I decided to move it away from the sink in order to brush my teeth without soap shooting at me. It didn’t work…. When I approached the counter the dispenser went off again this time leaving a trail of soap all over. I had to use so much Kleenex to clean it up my parents are going to thing I am 15 again.
“Why is there so much Kleenex in the trash Bobby?”
“DON’T JUDGE ME… I HAVE NEEDS.”
The thing is the soap dispenser problem has grown well past me approaching the counter. I could be taking a shit with the dispenser’s back towards me and it is still shooting soap all over the bathroom.
So soap dispenser you win. I am not going to shower for the next week I am here and will poop outside. You win… This time.
Have you ever been at war with a gadget?
I gave 2 of those as a gift last year! And then spent 3 weeks ducking and running from the fucker! I finally decided to bag the one up from my guest bathroom and stash it in a room in my parents basement where they keep their dehumidifier. Worst.Gift.Ever!
I am constantly at war with the automatic paper towel dispensers in public bathrooms. They never spit out enough paper towel to dry you hands and when you try to wave in front of the sensor it takes 10 waves just to get it to move. God damn jerk machine.
So what you’re really telling us is that you have a masturbation problem??
Essentially yes.