"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


What happens when someone that rode the short bus adds you on Facebook

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/16/09 @ 7:01 am

I have a friend that recently had someone from high school that was developmentally disabled add her on Facebook. At first my friend was a little reluctant to add the person considering they really never talked in school, they never really had a class together, and never really interacted. But my friend came to the conclusion that she:

Didn’t want to seem like a bitch- If she didn’t add them would the person think that she thought she was better than them because she wasn’t developmentally disabled? He could spread the word amongst his developmentally disabled friends and then she could be blacklisted from smiles, hugs, and free grocery bagging. Nobody wants to be a bitch to these people.

Didn’t want to screw with karma- Nobody wants to screw with developmentally disabled people. Between karma, the potential for burning in hell, and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt that you treated a developmentally disabled person like shit.

Because of these two factors she added him. At that point the following events happened:

-He wrote her a message essentially saying: “Hey girl… I finished college, I have three kids, and just want to see what was up.” He then followed up with other messages combining late 90s hip hop nomenclature, internet speak, and horribly misspelled messages.

-She found out that the children were potentially from multiple mothers. Which makes me think that the entire plot of Idiocracy is true. (Not to be a jerk but this guy should not breed… ever. The fact that he has three children is frightening.)


-He sent her pieces and items from every single Facebook game in the history of mankind. (None of which she plays.) So much so that it pretty much filled up her entire news stream.

So now the question is what does she do now? I think she has one of three options.

-Hide all of his updates and respond to 1 out of every 20 messages he sends with things like- I’m really busy at work. She doesn’t come off like a bitch and doesn’t get bothered as much.

-Delete him from her page and block him. She ultimately can live with being a bitch to one person banking that he won’t care enough to tell anyone.

Those are both logical but personally I think she should go with option number three.

-Keep conversing with him and eventually go out for a beer with him. Perhaps seducing him and saying he wants to meet all the mothers of his children and kids. When they get together she can run them through various intelligence tests including “what sound do cows make” and “which item is the square” if any of the mothers or children fail the test they will be tied to the father and loaded into a homemade rocket that took years to make then launches them into the sun.

Clearly I think this last option makes the most sense.

What would you do?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

11 Responses to “What happens when someone that rode the short bus adds you on Facebook”

  1. Meghan says:

    In 5th grade they make the ‘responsible’ kids Safetys – you stand and help the little kids cross. I saved this one disabled girls life about 150+ times because every day shed see me at my post and try and dart across the street like a retarded Muppet, arms flailing wanting to give me my morning hug. I was a 11 year old on a death watch M-F.

    But then She found out I had a birthday party and didn’t invite her – and cried like a baby in front of me to the principle, drooling on her good hand.I felt really fucking awful.

    She found me on FB, so I added, I hide and duck and run.I can’t deal with turning her down…even if it means she still comes darting into my news feed with purple clown fish and ponies and shit. Ugh.

  2. David says:

    I’m totally on-board with option 3. When the Darwin Awards fail to cleanse the gene pool, others must step-up to the plate.

  3. Melissa says:

    I’m not nice. People have turned down my friend requests, its not a biggee to do the same, no matter how retarded they are. Retard strong is something to fear only if they can find you.

  4. Uncle Finstock says:

    If you hide from them, they’ll hunt you down…..if you delete them, they’ll hunt you down…..if you befriend them, they’ll go away…..then hunt you down……they have a heightened sense of smell

  5. Dave says:

    I think Mike Judge may be the next Nostradamus! The rocket option is the only option.

  6. brookeamanda says:

    I had this happen to me, too! I must be a bitch who’s going to burn in hell because I ignored the friend request. No worries… I go to a grocery store where you have to bag your own shit :)

© 2009 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound