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If you are an adult and excited to see New Moon you are a moron

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/20/09 @ 1:16 pm

(If you are under 18 this doesn’t apply to you. Everyone expects you to have horrible taste when it comes to pop culture. Your mom had it. Your mother’s mother had it. It is just a fact of life. Now go paint tear drops on something.)

Last year when Twilight came out I wrote a blog entitled “If you are an adult and excited to see Twilight you are an idiot”. Over the year since that abortion of a film came out things have changed. The world has been taken over by “sexy vampires” in fact I think every show in the CW lineup next year is going to involve different mythical creatures but with the spin that they are hot. I can’t wait to see Heather Locklear get banged by the Loch Ness Monster.


Also the adults… wait when I say adults I should just say lonely women with a gaping void in their life….  Their supporting of Twilight has increased leading to levels of defensiveness that is amazing to me. Here are some of my favorite excuses of why adults are getting sucked into the Twilight series have been:

It is an easy read- So is Clifford the big red dog. It doesn’t make it okay as an adult to have it on your night stand.

Remember just because something is easy doesn’t mean it is right. I had to have that explained to me after taking home a girl that was blacked out drunk at the bar one time in college. Apparently “easy” in that case could potentially double for date rape. So using that logic when you read “New Moon” and the other Twilight books you are date raping your mind… Or something like that.

The book wasn’t as good as the movie; I’m really only a book fan-This is my favorite defense of an adult’s love of the Twilight series. Everyone readily admits the first movie wasn’t the best quality film so they defend the book is something high brow and high quality, which it isn’t.

If I give you a piece of shit to eat and you microwave said piece of shit it is still a piece of shit. Saying that the original piece of shit tastes better is kind of a pointless debate because no matter what you are defending a hot pile of dung.

Let’s say you go see “The Road” which is based off of an award winning book and say that the movie wasn’t as good as the book. That is logical. That is okay because we are talking about a grown up book with adult themes and written for someone with a reading level above one of a tweens.

I’m into the whole vampire thing- Fair enough but why pay attention to crappy Vampire stuff when you can watch something like “True Blood”? Wait you are reading the Twilight series which leads me to think you aren’t smart so you don’t have a good job and thus can’t afford HBO. Sorry.

If you said you were a “True Blood” fan I could understand it is so much better than the Twilight series because:

-People have sex (Abstinence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder)

-Kristen Stewart isn’t anywhere near the series… Worst. Actress. Ever. My right nut has more personality.

-Dakota Fanning isn’t in it. I have clearly determined that Dakota Fanning is an evil robot, we can’t let the evil robots take over the world.

-A gay man is behind it. (I guess in more ways than one.) You see the Twilight series is created by a Mormon woman and really what have the Mormons given us culturally? The Osmonds… Did we ever really need the Osmonds? The Mormons also can’t dress, they have no sense of style, no sense of humor, no personality, and believe in magic underwear.

On the other hand gay people gave us Richard Simmons and Portia de Rossi. They are hilarious, have an amazing sense of fashion, and continually contribute culturally.

Really where would you rather live Utah or Fire Island? Nobody wants to live in Utah.

In summation if you are an adult and excite to see New Moon you are a moron.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

15 Responses to “If you are an adult and excited to see New Moon you are a moron”

  1. Meghan says:

    You know…if Clay Aiken would just put out another album these middle aged twats would have something even more gay to add to their masturbation material than a whole island of slightly photosensitive teenage boys.

  2. Alegra says:


  3. Atta boy Bobby. I knew you’d come through on this one. Anyone who wants to see “The Lost Boys-Part Three” is a moron.

  4. Caroline says:

    I did like this follow up sequel to your initial post.

  5. Taylor Blue says:

    Thanks for insulting us adults. I plan on going to see it with the kids..for work purposes. Not because I want to go see Kristen act horribly or watch for the shirtless guys. NO. For work. You will deny me that?

  6. David says:

    Amazing is indeed one word to describe the fashion sense of Richard Simmons…not one I would likely use.

    Fun post. Thanks

  7. Kenson says:

    I’ve actually applied to a school in Utah, so I may be stuck there if all the better schools reject me.

    Unless theres a liberal arts college in Fire Island..?

  8. Branwyn says:

    SO….is Kristen Stewart mormon? Maybe that’s the problem…. Well, part of it anyway.

  9. [...] of my favourite bloggers and he was the one who alerted me to my error in his post titled “if you are an adult and you go to see new moon then you are a moron” Enough said, the title of the post certainly speaks for itself. I am glad to know that I am [...]

  10. melanie d says:

    i think twilight is good in the sense that it is getting young kids to read. but yeah, any adult who’s in to it kind of weirds me out. i actually took a gander at twilight ’cause i try not to hate anything unless i’ve attempted to read it. she is a horrible writer. she’s like the nora roberts of sexy vampire land. blech.

  11. orion says:

    you are so right .. and i hate kristin stewart she can not change her face she is the worst actress i have ever seen

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