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I need to cater to a younger audience

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/13/09 @ 9:43 am

Throughout this week I have been studying who reads this blog, who I am friends with on Facebook, and who follows me on Twiter. The one conclusion I arrived at is that everyone is old and will probably being dying at some point in the future.

You dying does not help me out. That means less traffic, less fame, and me one step further away from making a sex tape with Carrie Prejean entitled, “We All Mistakes: Breast Implants, Sex Tapes, and Screwing Bobby Finstock are all Christian-like”. In order to prevent the slide that could happen I have decided to take matters into my own hands and copy the strategy of Saturday Night Live and the Country Music Awards to attract a younger audience…. More Taylor Swift.


Now I know some of us older folks are sitting there saying, “Why not Miley Cyrus?” I thought she was the teenage girl of the moment. Oh it couldn’t be further from the truth there are three simple reasons why Taylor Swift is the way to go:

1) She has better teeth.


2) Her father isn’t Billy Ray Cyrus.

3) Taylor Swift shits unicorn tears mixed with fairy dust and baby laughter. While Miley is a bratty Disney stooge that will be pregnant before she is twenty and will be yet another cautionary tale of why we don’t let rednecks get famous. (See the Spears family.)

So from here on out each blog post will have a gratuitous Taylor Swift mention and picture. Perhaps even throwing in a video a week.

Additionally there will be other changes.

1) More Boy Talk- Who ‘s hot and who’s not? Who is your weekly crush object? You can’t say the werewolf from Twilight because he is mine.

2) Increased news about “sexy vampires”- Between True Blood, Twilight, a new movie that I have zero desire to see, and a show on a network that I didn’t know existed except for it having three-way sex on the Gossip Girl. Nobody is sick of the sexy vampire thing… Hot? You bet. Brooding? Of course. Mysterious? No doubt. Logical stories and a replacement for all your failed relationships? YES!

3) Sparkles. Lots and lots of sparkles.


What is your level of excitement when it comes to these changes?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

30 Responses to “I need to cater to a younger audience”

  1. cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    I am not old thank you. Now I have to got go and apply my Just For Men to the beard.
    and yeah add some Taylor Swift pics

    • Are you kidding? You have one foot in the grave my man.

      More Taylor Swift is in the works.

      • cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

        That statement is closer to the truth than I care to admit, but then again if you smoke two cigars a day, drink from dusk til dawn and chase ass all the time what can you expect.

        I support your search for younger readers, just promise that there will be no Hello Kitty (even bukake Hello Kitty) and I will keep reading

  2. Meghan says:

    You’re older than I am…so I have that going for me. I recently realized a few of my celeb crushes are really old, which is totally depressing. (Clive Owen was simply dashing in Closer!)

    The infectious Taylor Swift is what everyone needs…I’m fairly certain she lives on a Pony farm in the clouds somewhere.

  3. Raeann says:

    Weekly crush at the moment, Abe Vigoda.

  4. Dude, did you say who is your crush OBJECT?

    It’s Who are you crushing ON?

    Jeez, grampa. Get the Extenze.

  5. Raeann says:

    Damn it’s a shame bea arthur had to go and die.

  6. Kassie says:

    Fuck. I love sparkles. Thanks for suiting my demographic!

  7. Rick says:

    You’re definitely on to something with the sparkles. Allow me to introduce you to Clitter:


  8. Taylor Blue says:

    Great sexy vampires and sparkles. You know you should have made this change along time ago. On the other hand…us OLD people like that too…so maybe it might backfire?? (Seriously, it doesn’t matter what you write I’ll always come for your awesome content.)

  9. Phillipia says:

    Okay, then…I’m outta here:)
    I kind of liked my oldness…
    Keep your sparkles…
    Others still appreciate me…

  10. Melissa says:

    I’m old, older than you even, but I’d rather eat nickels and shit razor blades than have sparkly vampire trash here. Fuck, Finstock, not you too. Say it ain’t so, man.

  11. Wynn says:

    Love the sparkles!!

  12. Nathan says:

    I’m a 13 year old boy and I read your blog.

    • And I’m probably going to hell for that.

      • C says:

        I had to break my commenting lazy streak for that one.
        by the way, the Taylor Swift shits unicorn-something or other and baby giggles was really funny. Kudos homeslice, or whatever those crazy kids are saying these days.

  13. melanie d says:

    i read your blog, and i am going to live forever. i’m working on becoming a sexy vampire.

  14. JT says:

    My level of excitement goes to 11.

  15. Kenson says:

    We’re still dressing up for the twilight premier, right?

  16. Nutz says:

    I’ve just stumbled across this blog post (and your blog in general) and I have to say… *pauses for a moment as two gorgeous young women sit down on the table next to me (I don’t have a chance in hell!)*… sorry, got distracted. Your comments are spot on about Taylor Swift.

    Oh, and with with regard to Facebook friends and Twitterers (or Tweeters) – is it just me, or is social networking breeding a new culture of self-importance? Something I might explore on my own blog for all of my… tens… of followers. ;)

    • Oh yeah… When the question that these services ask are “what are you doing?” well everyone thinks that what they are doing is actually important. Which isn’t the case in the least.

  17. Nutz says:

    Bobby – yes, that’s exactly right. I’m amazed how people blog that they’re sitting in traffic on the motorway, washing their hair or about to go out and buy a new pair of knickers. Now, if they were about to meet the Pope and gift him with the forementioned pair of knickers, I would be interested (and would probably even re-tweet it).

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