Throughout this week I have been studying who reads this blog, who I am friends with on Facebook, and who follows me on Twiter. The one conclusion I arrived at is that everyone is old and will probably being dying at some point in the future.
You dying does not help me out. That means less traffic, less fame, and me one step further away from making a sex tape with Carrie Prejean entitled, “We All Mistakes: Breast Implants, Sex Tapes, and Screwing Bobby Finstock are all Christian-like”. In order to prevent the slide that could happen I have decided to take matters into my own hands and copy the strategy of Saturday Night Live and the Country Music Awards to attract a younger audience…. More Taylor Swift.
Now I know some of us older folks are sitting there saying, “Why not Miley Cyrus?” I thought she was the teenage girl of the moment. Oh it couldn’t be further from the truth there are three simple reasons why Taylor Swift is the way to go:
1) She has better teeth.
2) Her father isn’t Billy Ray Cyrus.
3) Taylor Swift shits unicorn tears mixed with fairy dust and baby laughter. While Miley is a bratty Disney stooge that will be pregnant before she is twenty and will be yet another cautionary tale of why we don’t let rednecks get famous. (See the Spears family.)
So from here on out each blog post will have a gratuitous Taylor Swift mention and picture. Perhaps even throwing in a video a week.
Additionally there will be other changes.
1) More Boy Talk- Who ‘s hot and who’s not? Who is your weekly crush object? You can’t say the werewolf from Twilight because he is mine.
2) Increased news about “sexy vampires”- Between True Blood, Twilight, a new movie that I have zero desire to see, and a show on a network that I didn’t know existed except for it having three-way sex on the Gossip Girl. Nobody is sick of the sexy vampire thing… Hot? You bet. Brooding? Of course. Mysterious? No doubt. Logical stories and a replacement for all your failed relationships? YES!
3) Sparkles. Lots and lots of sparkles.
What is your level of excitement when it comes to these changes?