Stephen King’s 10 Best and 10 Worst

Today marks the release of Stephen King’s new novel, Under the Dome, a doorstopper of a book that I cannot WAIT to sink my teeth into.  To celebrate its release, here is a list of King’s best and worst work, as judged by me, a famed literary critic.

 King’s 10 Best

10.

This is probably going to be a controversial pick. I think King is at his literary best when his novels have deeper themes intertwined with the horror. And that’s where Cujo is brilliant: it’s really a book about Small-town life vs. Big-City, as well as a huge slobbery dog that kills people.

9.

Same goes with Christine, a novel that deals with difficulties of being a teenager, growing up, and finding your own way in life. Genius.

8.

King’s first collection of short stories remains his best. With little to no filler, and alternating from humorous to skin-crawling terror, this is a master storyteller in top form.

7.

I decided to pick just one Dark Tower book to represent the whole series. It was a toss up between this one and Wolves of the Calla, but I decided to choose this one because to me, the ending was just so bizarre and ultimately satisfactory. The Dark Tower series as a whole is a tour de force of fucked-up imagination.

6.

Excellent themes, fantastically executed. Human greed knows no bounds.

5.

From just a pure writing standpoint, this is King’s best novel. A real page turner, with tight, gorgeous prose and a stellar plot.

4.

This collection of Novellas yielded the movies Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption. Nuff said.

3.

Epic, epic stuff. While the ending may be somewhat of a disappointment, the 1,000 pages of symbolic struggle between good and evil is most assuredly not.

2.

When this came out in serialized installments, I was jonesing hard every month for the next one. This book, perhaps more than any other King book, deserves the mantle of “Literature.”

1.

The best Stephen King Book, hands down, and one of the best books of the 20th Century, horror or otherwise. King brilliantly takes the themes of growing up, losing your innocence, and leaving your childhood behind, and embodies them into a clown that kills children. King will never top this one.

 King’s 10 Worst

10.

King rips himself off in this one, borrowing themes from It and Tommyknockers, among others. I gotta say though, there are some stunningly nasty little passages in this book. Ass Weasels anyone? The bathroom scene is burnt into my mind forever. That being said, the book is a big, bloated, unruly mess (no pun intended). It’s King’s first attempt at fiction post-near death car accident, and the pain killers REALLY show.

9.

Rose Madder is King’s attempt at “feminist” fiction, and while it succeeds on some levels, it is just a little too bizarre for my tastes. The whole painting angle I found to be annoying, and the prose stilted. I will say this though: a very scary villain.

8.

While I feel Desperation is a pretty darn good book, it’s Richard Bachman companion piece reads like a bizarre, ultra-violent dream. While the theme of suburbia under attack by outside forces is intriguing, the messy plot and writing ruins it in the end. The two-book “mirror” thing was a very bold move, so I’ll give King that much.

7.

This collection of novellas is like Different Seasons……accept it blows. The four novellas within for the most part read like throwaway ideas, which I’m guessing they are.

6.

This book is a sloppy mess. While King does end up tying it into the Dark Tower series, and thus saving it a little, to me this is a book that couldn’t decide WHAT it wanted to say, do, or be.

5.

Now we’re starting to move into really foul territory, so put on that gas mask. King wrote Tommyknockers while in the throes of alcohol and cocaine addiction, and BOY does it show. It’s a confusing mess of a read, with a horrible ending. King returns to a similar theme a few years later with MUCH better results in Needful Things.

4.

I’m not sure what possessed King to write a 300 page book about a woman handcuffed to a bed….alone, but the results are as boring as they sound. You know it’s a bad King book when no attempt has EVER been made to turn it into a movie (much like other books on this list).

3.

I actually wasn’t a huge fan of the Talisman, but this sequel sucks ass!! I actually didn’t even make it all the way through. Pure shite.

2.

What the F was he thinking with that title? King stretches what should have been a 50-60 page novella into a 200 page novel. Like Gerald’s Game, we’re forced to spend time with one boring character – a little girl lost in the woods. I’m actually falling asleep just writing about it, so let’s move on.

1.

I challenge someone to make it all the way through this book without needing to go to the emergency room for vomiting and rectal bleeding. Torturously boring, pointless, and derivative, this book almost made me give up hope that King would ever put out anything good again. After 200 pages, I put the book down and wept many bitter tears, never to return to it.