So it has come to this Boy Scouts?
I have a pretty bad weakness when kids try and sell me shit that I don’t want. Not because I love children (in either type of way you are thinking) but because I remember how shitty it was to go door to door peddling shit that NOBODY wanted to support be it a sports league, school activity, or cub scouts. Even though I was young I was acutely aware that the 90 year old lady that lived down the street whom couldn’t leave her house didn’t need $25 in McDonald’s sundaes gift certificates.
My personal policy has been to just buy the cheapest thing possible and get the hell out of their way. They feel happy because they pushed some crappy stuff on me and I feel okay because I boosted their spirits so that they can be told “no” for the next two hours.
This was a pretty harmonious balance until Saturday when it all got messed up.
The Boy Scouts have deployed a new technique that I don’t approve of but it totally work… Yup, you guessed it, station the one MILF out of the entire group of parents to work with the boys.
On Saturday I went to the supermarket to pick up a few things so I could stay glued to the couch for the remainder of the weekend convalescing. After grabbing what I needed and breezing through the self checkout line I was giddy that I was going to get home to watch the start of college football when I was approached by two kids. In fact that kids didn’t really say anything, they just kind of stood there and looked awkward while the MILF came in and started pitching me popcorn.
Her slightly unbuttoned shirt and rosy demeanor wasn’t something I was expecting or prepared for. In fact it was overwhelming. Within two minutes I was buying $25 worth of microwave popcorn that I could probably buy in a supermarket for under $10.
As one of the snot filled kids handed me the box, probably giving me H1N1 I stumbled out of the store not knowing what hit me. With each step I took to the car I grew more and more upset. The kids didn’t sell me or even ASK me to buy anything it was the MILF and she was using stripper-selling techniques.
Stripper selling techniques 101
1) Shove tits in face
2) Smile
3) Talk in a sexy voice
4) Get guy to buy you anything you want
How did I fall for this? How was I blinded to what was going on? It boiled down to the fact that her breasts were utterly fantastic and they were deployed in an area where I wasn’t expecting them. In a strip club you can resist the stripper selling techniques, in a bar with some trashy girls you can as well, Vegas… sure. You expect cleavage to be shoved at you. Outside of a supermarket on a Saturday morning… well that is just a sneak attack.
So Boy Scouts of America I have to say it is on. Next time a scout comes to my door to sell me anything I am pissing on them from the second floor. That is of course unless you send a MILF out with them. Bastards.
They still use the Milf on potential female sales…I was told at Stop n Shop how much she luvvvved my nail color and actually leaned in and said my hair was ‘goddamned gorgeous’ before I noticed two blank eyed 10 year olds in uniforms behind her.
My other favorite, over the summer some jackass coach had a 12 year old boy panning for donations outside a liquor store entrance! How am I expected to spend my good money on alcohol when some doughy child needs new cleats?
Sons a bitches.
I feel like I have been taken advantage of.
They are nothing but shameless. And some poor saps fall for it hook line and sinker.
Yeah I know… those idiots… Hey wait a second.
Shoulda told her you’d by the popcorn if she threw in a free motorboat.
Now that is negotiating.
This is why you should volunteer to be a Scout leader.
I am rethinking my entire life right now
That was clever with a link to your site and everything.
The only way out of that scenario is the Elvis mindset: believing that, once a woman has children, she is no longer viable for fornication.
You’ll be telling them, “No, thank you, MA’AM,” in no time.
Hey really was the king wasn’t he?
Just imagine how many “pocket” fisherman Popeil would’ve sold if he used a Milf.
Sweet Jeebus, they’ve hit upon a goldmine.
You know, they do this in reverse, too. I got hit up by the good looking Dad helping out his cub scout son. What woman doesn’t appreciate being flirted with by a gorgeous younger man, even if it is with the ultimate goal of buying way overpriced lowfat caramel corn? Loved every second of this short encounter; the caramel corn almost as much.