The Governor of the New South

I can’t write about a specific event that occurred at a certain point of my life. I was sworn to secrecy at the time of the event and have kept my promise for a long time. The thing is this event was rather fun and pretty much… awesome. But I still can’t write about it because it would either cause:

-discord in a relationship

-someone to lose political office

-a police officer to be embarrassed

-the discovery of someone’s secret porn career

Now at the event that shall not be named I was told that I was, “running for the governor of the new south” because I was being extremely sociable, buying drinks, and….

-paying for body shots off of people of the opposite sex

-leading a recreation of a donkey show I have seen in Mexico

-staging a reenactment of the Miggs greeting Clarice scene in Silence of the Lambs

-dancing to the greatest hits of Loverboy

I am disappointed that I am not allowed to talk about it. Personally my favorite part was.

-having a “sword fight” while taking a piss

-paying for a fat stripper to distract my friend while taking a billiards shot

-telling Matt LeBlanc I loved him in the monkey movie

-disproving everything about Mormonism

So you can recreate what you think the story is and know going that no matter what you chose it wasn’t as great as the actual event.