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To Fleshlight or not to Fleshlight, that is the question

By: Bobby Finstock on 08/4/09 @ 7:43 am

Currently I am involved in the planning of the single greatest practical joke of all time that will be conducted at the end of the month. I can’t go into details of it now but after it is deployed you can be sure there will be a blog, pictures, and perhaps even diagrams. (Who doesn’t love diagrams?)

One of the parts of the practical joke involves an infamous Fleshlight. For those of you who don’t know what a Fleshlight (NSFW) is it is basically a Flashlight where the light parts are removed and replaced with a plastic vagina, mouth, butt, or for the private types the “stealth” model. I ordered the Fleshlight for this joke and it is now sitting on my kitchen table staring at me through its single eye. In my lifetime I have never created a contraption to screw or used any type of toys for my solo personal “play with myself” time but I am debating if I should take the plunge.


Basically I have had no desire to bang plastic, although I did briefly have a desire to screw Pam Anderson, which may count as the same thing in the minds of some people. However I haven’t had an opportunity to and I wonder if I should man up and just use it once to see what it is like. I sat down and wrote out a “for” and “against” list on why I should use the fleshlight.


-I may like it

-I try new things all the time to document it for this website, why stop now?

-I won’ t have to take it to dinner

-How funny will it be that when we use it in the practical joke I can throw this comment in, “Yeah I fucked it too”?


-I may like it leading to an obsession with banging inanimate objects.

-I am going to have to clean it

-Will their psychological ramifications?

-How many times will I be able to take people bringing it up to end arguments or potential girlfriends reading it?

So I leave it up to you good readers, Fleshlight or No Fleshlight?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

23 Responses to “To Fleshlight or not to Fleshlight, that is the question”

  1. D-Willy says:

    You must do it, or you will go to where the Devil lives!

  2. David says:

    I so want you to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh…er fleshlight so I can tell everyone I know that I have a friend, using the term loosely, who has been partaking of carnal pleasures with his own battery operated device – assuming of course that you ordered the vibrating model.


  3. Meghan says:

    I was sent the product infomercial on Stumble …After 10 years in Boston and multiple male roommates I’m glad I dodged the bullet of seeing the fleshlight soaking in my bathroom sink.

    Honestly, if I was a guy I don’t think I could resist. Do It….I would.

  4. Rogue says:

    “-I may like it leading to an obsession with banging inanimate objects.”

    UMMM dont women who masturbate with dildos and vibrators technically have an “obsession with banging inanimate objects?”

  5. Vince says:

    I say go for it. It will definitely make the practical joke much funnier when you tell the person your dick was in there first. there is also a sloppy seconds joke in there I just know it.

  6. Chachi says:

    Please properly sterilize after use. When you execute said joke and the mass carnage follows, I would like to know that the fleshlight that is being used to beat everyone in proximity is not dripping with your toxic man juice.

  7. LOTNorm says:

    As you accurately stated, “who doesn’t love diagrams”? Therefore, I’m saddened that you didn’t take advantage of the venn diagram opportunity to aid in this decision.

    You so know you’ve already banged that fleshlight and now you’re fishing for confirmation that you’re not a pervert. Of course, we already know you’re a pervert, but if banging inanimate objects is so terrible; then what shall become of my necrophilia?

    Although, if it remains unused, you’re victim could always use it for salsa… or guacamole… gravy?

  8. bethany says:

    “Yes and I don’t want to be a bitter, cosmo swilling, sex and the city fan”

    Most of the uber Sex & the City fans I know are bored housewives who want to live vicariously through the characters… which means they stop short of partaking in the actual products.

    Since I’m President and Co-Founder of the Buy A Fucking Vibrator and Use It! Club, I say, for women, there is no choice. Either (1) you have a man that completely satisfies your every sexual gratification, in which case, all of your female friends secretly hate you, (2) you don’t have a vibrator, for one of two reasons: you are married and feel masturbation is a dirty, awful thing or you think vibrators / sex aids are “dirty” things and even if you’re curious you would never stoop to using it, in which case you’re a bitter, shriveled up hag who, honestly needs to BAFVaUI to at least smile once in a while, or (3) you enjoy sex, you enjoy pleasure… if that means that from time to time you have to use something – anything – to get off, so be it… at least you’re not a part of the BAFVaUI Club.

    Not being a guy, I can’t relate. I can tell you that it’s been proven that women who masturbate and use a vibrator are better at sex, in general…

    Don’t think there’s a study been done for men, but gee, why not take this opportunity to start your own? ;oP

  9. Wynn says:

    I would totally do it! But hell, if I were a dude I would probably bang whatever just to see how it works. I wanna buy my boyfriend one, he’s skeptical :D

    DO IT!

  10. JW says:

    It’s a scientific study, you owe it to your readers. DO IT.

  11. Judah103 says:

    As an alternative check this out….
    The Incredible, Pleasurable Egg
    Watch the video.. SFW (sorta)

  12. Goodness Gracie says:

    DO IT!!!

  13. Charlotte says:

    So, which model Fleshlight did you end up fuc… er purchasing for this *cough* alleged practical joke? *wink* *nudge*

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