Harry Potter is Racist
So everyone is all excited about the new Harry Potter movie that came out this past weekend. Adults that have never had sex are dusting off their homemade Hogwarts uniforms to wear to the movie theaters where they can brag with other geeks in line that they read a child’s book all in one weekend.
Wow look at me I read “Fox in Socks” from cover to cover in a morning that makes me smart…. Losers.
I have to say that Harry Potter sucks, I think I have made that clear. I want to update my thoughts on why. It now boils down to two simple reasons.
Reason number one is that the bad guys are kind of lame. The villains in the batman television show had their shit together more than these guys. How hard is it to kill a kid? Apparently not that hard because that redneck whore in Florida Casey Anthony (who I wold totally bang) could figure it out but not these acclaimed masters of the dark arts? What gives? I can’t take any bad guy seriously if he can’t take out a kid.
The second reason is that the entire movie series is racist. Think about it. How many little black Hogwarts students do you see running around? Yeah… none. Sure they have whatever the fuck Hagrid is running around but not a little black dude rocking some nikes and a magical New Era Yankees hat? If there WERE some black students you know Harry wouldn’t have his honkey ass on the quidditch team. No instead his position would be held by little Lebron who is thinking about skipping University to go right to the pros, all while tapping Hermoine’s ass. Of course she would be four months pregnant with their bastard child and angling to get on MTV.
That isn’t enough for you to prove that this entire series is racist? How about this, what do you become when you finish Hogwarts? A wizard. You know what else has wizards… The Klu Klux Klan. That’s right… They have robes too. Let me guess on graduation day at Hogwarts you get a white robe with a hood.
Hogwarts Class of 2014
What about Sirius Black… Sure a white guy plays him but where does he end up? Prison. How racist is that? A black guys ends up in prison. How come he isn’t President? At the very least the school could have a “cool urban teacher” that was also the kids friend. Kind of like Mark Curry in “Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper” in fact I am sure he would be available for the roll.
And what type of magic do the bad guys practice? Dark arts… hmmm why don’t they just call it “black people aren’t welcome at our school and we hate them so much that we named the most evil magic after them” arts?
All I am saying is that if you like Harry Potter you are racist.
Well . . . color me racist then.
Heh.
I knew it.
I know this is a Nerd Quiz, and I’m gonna fail but…
Lee Jordan, the HP Quidditch Announcer is black.
http://www.hp-lexicon.org/images/film/leejordan-film.jpg
Yes, and so is Dean Thomas and there was a black girl on the Quidditch team… she took over when the captain graduated.
Oh, and Shacklebot is black and he works at the Ministry of Magic.
So, there.
Now you are going to tell me that JK Rowlings has a black friend so she can’t be racist.
Look the announcer is black…. A black “color commentator” doing sporting events.
Just feeding into the stereotype.
The chickens are coming home to roost slackmistress….
You HACK! What a poor attempt at writing. Unoriginality will get you nowhere Bob.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq0LviBeV1A
Stu… your inability to grasp a pop culture pen name only shows your intelligence level.
Sirius Black played by a white man reminds me of the Darth Vader quote in Chasing Amy.
Hooper: “And Jedi’s the most insulting installment! Because Vader’s beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin’ to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!”
Banky Edwards: “Well, isn’t that true?”
What’s a Nubian?
That line cracks me up every time.
I almost added the Nubian line, but that comes 1st.
Oddly, Chasing Amy ending up being on IFC tonight…serendipity.
BLACK RAGE
You have opened my eyes to the truth.
The truth shall set you free.
Lee Jordan: black
Dean Thomas: black and played quidditch
Angelina Johnson: black and played quidditch
James A: black and loves harry potter
If you’re gonna hate it, hate it, but make sure your reasons are legitimate.
Angelina Johnson! Thank you. See my comment above where I couldn’t remember her name.
Figures…the only blacks are on a sports team…pffft!
Exactly
The only black people around can play sports? Racist.
Oh, I can’t wait to see how Nina responds to this particular piece. Her Potter-loving, kinda-black-in-a-talks-like-a-white-girl-way ass is gonna be on you like white on… um, a quidich broomstick.
She is too busy watching BSG.
I bet this was written by a black guy.
freakin harry potter nerds.
Aren’t you a white guy? Why are you so worried about whether a movie has black kids in it? It’s a good movie the way it is. Is it really that important for us to worry whether every television show and movie has representatives from each race or ethnicity? I don’t get it. Who really cares? Honestly, it’s a movie. Get over it. Maybe not enough black actors auditioned for the roles that were available, or the ones who did audition didn’t fit the vision the director had for the movie. I don’t agree with arbitrarily dropping someone into a movie, a show, or even a job, just because he or she checks a race/ethnicity box other than white/Caucasian. Stop counting that which doesn’t concern you and just start enjoying.
Holy shit… get a fucking life.
Dude! You’re just pissed because you want to bang Hermione and Ron hit on you instead. Stop trying to intellectualize it. Love the Gingers!!!
You know, I always thought that the magic school in Harry Potter was a metaphor for retardation. I mean, it’s a school for ’special children’ right? School for the ‘gifted’?
Anyway, this reminds me of my theory that Dave Mathews is a racist. Here’s my evidence:
1. Left South Africa after Apartheid was banned. Then came to the USA
2. Is practically the only white guy in the band for which he is named. I mean, why would the frontman mention anything about “the help” anyway? Why not call it Dave Matthews Plantation?
3. When LeRoi Moore died (the black saxophone player) Dave Matthews called him “proudest monkey.”
4. Sounds like Kermit the Frog when he sings.
Sorry, but he’s a racist. And if you like his music, you’re a racist too (as well as retarded, which has been scientifically documented for a decade now).
Wow a white guy saying how Harry Potter is racist towards black people? Do you know that this is British literature, where atleast it’s better than Twilight. And Being British, Britain is one of the most multiracial countries in the world. Black people in Britain don’t give a shit if there are no black characters in British literary works. I’m serious. Except for the BNP and the Daily Mail, racism in Britain is less outrageous compared to America. And 1 out 5 British kids are born to multiracial parents.
And did you even watch the movies? There are like a number of black characters in the movies. I even went to a Harry Potter film set, and the number of non-whites there are amazing. It’s a very multiracial set. There’s Asians, Blacks, Indians, Pakistanis, and even Polish Immigrants on the set, wearing the same Hogwarts robes.
So your attempt to make Harry Potter look bad(again) makes you look like a dumbass who can’t see things past race. Congratulations, you fail.
I think that not seeing that this is a humor blog means someone else fails…
While being a humor blog, are you also saying it doesn’t express his true feelings? It may have been a joke, but I doubt something that he wasn’t already thinking popped into his head for him to type up.
Good points.
And I wish America was more like Britain. Everything that happens between two people of a different race (primarily black and white) is considered racist.
A black person and a white person get into a fight. The reason this happened was because the white man hated the other guy for being black. It’s impossible that he could have valid reasons for hating the man, and impossible that the other man started the fight. (odd thought, people never see a black person beating up a white person as being racist).
You’re right, people, such as this blogger, see things only as black and white…in more than one way.
Lighten up, people. I thought it was a hilarious blog and I love the books. Plus, I’m Black and married to a White woman. Do I get extra points for that? Pleeeeeease…?
I’m glad not all people are as narrow minded as you are.
First of all, as it’s been pointed out a number of times…There are black people in the Harry Potter series, not only in the films but noted to be black in the books.
Second, to point out how narrow minded you and others with that opinion are…Since when does not having other cultures involved in something make it “racist”? Idiots like you feel that if its not multi-cultural, it’s racist.
Also, your quote, “At the very least the school could have a ‘cool urban teacher’ that was also the kids friend,” should be checked on. He wasn’t Indian (although there were Indians, that were good, in the series, such as Parvati Patil) and his turban served a different purpose than most use them for.
To add on to your narrow-mindedness, a “child’s” book? While this book may have been intended to interest children, there was nothing mentioned about adults that shouldn’t enjoy it. Please, tell people what else they are and are not allowed to enjoy, Hitler.
People have a right to enjoy whatever they want to enjoy. Do adults not like candy? Isn’t candy for children, or thought to be, too? I’m sick of seeing people disgusted that other adults can enjoy something they don’t, something that children also like. I could understand it if Harry Potter was something with a plot like spongebob, but it’s not. It elaborates enough to have a plot that can appeal to many people.
I’m not against people having opinions. I’m against fools with excessively narrow minds. If you don’t like Harry Potter, fine. You don’t, however, have to hate people because they like something you don’t. You also don’t have to hate them because you have an uneducated, invalid, and set opinion on something that others contradict.
As half of his “banter” was light-hearted, I’d like to remind people that this goes out to the other fools like this person.
Chris you are seriously functionally retarded and care a little too much about a racist book.
The books are soo not racist. Why do you hate nerds? Is it cuz we can read?
[...] know what other word has two “g’s” in it and is used as an insult? Written by Rick [...]
Nice try, but I liked it better when I saw (redacted) do it on stage a couple years ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq0LviBeV1A
Heard this same point/joke on XM’s comedy channel like 50 times. Do u have XM/Sirius? Is that how you write?
I don’t own XM sorry….
Dude…this was in his head from hearing comedian (redacted) do this bit on radio or at a club or saw the clip online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq0LviBeV1A
Matt has been doing this since 2004/2005
I think you are giving Matt’s exposure level way too much credit.
You are like the Dane Cook of the wizard world. You should check out this comedian named (redacted). Looks like you two have a lot in common.
http://www.daviscomedy.com
Please. If I was going to steal content from someone I would go after a guy that is funny.
You left out the part about a cobra jumping out of the bush…oh wait…you’re not (redacted) era 2004/05. Do your homework – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq0LviBeV1A
Thank christ for that.
Hack.
This is an old (redacted) bit.
This is a (redacted) bit. Stop hacking and write something original
I don’t even know who (redacted) is. I have written this site for over 5 years and haven’t bitten a bit yet.
Plagiarism of the worst kind.. the kind that happens to be extracted from my friend (redacted)’ material..
One would have to know or care who (redacted) is before you could rip him off.
I just watched the video on his site. He mentioned the Klan once and that there are no black people of the school…. Holy shit i must have ripped him off. He should just go join the Blue Collar Comedy tour then hang himself.
As one, among many, who knows and cares who (redacted) is, I find it amusing and disturbing that a grown man who is a self-confessed “encyclopedia on the life and times of Scott Baio” would have the temerity to comment on anyone. Of course I imagine he can’t sit around masturbating in his underwear all the time.
You know the funny thing is that more people have read my site than have ever watched him do standup.
Based on your Alexa rating I’d say those calculations are incorrect. My favorite part is the less than 2 minutes the average visitor spends on your site. It’s nice to see that americans are intelligent enough to recognize complete shit before they finish the entire article.
He has a nine million alexa rating… I am in the hundreds of thousands… Glad to see you don’t know shit about math.
Coming from someone with a 14 million rating it is kind of sad. Besides your family does anyone go to your site?
I went but just so I could see what kind of a douche bag he was. I like how he calls himself a comedian but the only gig he has is for 3 days in Louisiana.
The reference to your alexa rating was more of a statement about the number of people visiting your site vs. the number of people seeing Matt in clubs which is the exact comparison you made. As we’ve both only been blogging for a short time I would expect our ratings to be below anyone who’s actively been at it longer. Mine especially since I’m no where near as active online as I’d like to be.
As far as my “status” as a comedian and my schedule. Could it be that I haven’t had time to update my schedule? It could also be that I haven’t booked winter gigs yet. I’ll let my past schedule speak for itself if you care to back and find dates at various A rooms around the country. If you would like a personal invitation next time I’m in your area feel free to contact me and I’ll pass it right along.
I have no interest in a flame war. My only issue is that you crossed a line that those of us with integrity value greatly. That and after you crossed it and were called out on it you failed to respond appropriately. In the end you’re a blogger, I’m a comic, but we are both writers and should act accordingly.
I think you assholes crossed the line by coming here and blindly throwing accusations around that I lifted someone’s content. As a writer that is the most insulting thing possible.
Not to stick around and provide you unearned attention but you really need to be aware that you’re a hack. In our industry there is a group of respected individuals that still performs the “joke check.” When we come up with a premise we actually try to think back and see if we came up with it or if we’re just forgetting the memory of the last time we heard it. We call other comics to check with them, and we ask google as well. It appears you don’t possess that same level of integrity. You don’t care if the subjects of your posts were worn out in the 80’s. It doesn’t occur to you to take the time to conduct real research. You’ve never even thought to rewrite anything enough times to actually output something creative and worthy of your reader’s time. You strike me as a person who has started many a conversation with the phrase, “Have you heard this one?” to which every sensible person on earth should reply by slamming a door in your face.
Listen Julian…. You don’t know the first thing about me.
First of all I have had MILLIONS of people read my shit. I get paid to freelance and I write almost everyday. Instead of honing together some crappy seven minute set that nobody will ever see.
Say what you want but I didn’t steal his shit, I have never heard of him, his bit, and the few similarities between the two are so small that it is ridiculous to even think it.
I’ve done stand up in LA, I have gone head to head with Andy Dick, and I hate to say it you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about.
I don’t know you, but I’m learning.
As far as your reference to me honing a showcase set… do you really know me?
I never accused you of stealing, but you can hardly argue the similarities are too few when the premise is exactly the same.
Here, you dropped a hack’s name on the floor while you were ignoring the fact that I’m right.
I’m not here to do anything more than point out the fact that the post should be removed.
How is the execution even close? We both say that it is racist… beyond that what are the similarities in execution and style? He mentioned the klan and I mention it in a totally different way.
It is totally bullshit to throw out the accusation off of the bat and it is even worse…
See my post from today it sums up my feelings.
Because you have presented the premise in blog form and he has done so from the stage the execution isn’t the same and no one has made the point that it is. The premise is the same. Exactly the same. If you followed Matt on stage by reading that blog you would be in the wrong just as you are now.
I read your second post and it changes nothing. The fact that you felt it was necessary to litter your home page with slams against Matt and his “idiot friends” shows me what kind of person you are and that you do not get the point behind our complaints. Attacking us on your home court doesn’t increase your readership and it doesn’t support your argument. In your world we are just a bunch of comics whose acts you’ve never seen and in our world you’re a blogger who has no integrity. The difference is none of us will be mentioning this situation on stage because we’re completely aware of the fact that our audiences don’t give a shit about you.
In my world you guys are hack comedians coming in and throwing out accusations about something that is totally different. By your logic if someone does a President Bush being stupid joke or why airplane food sucks joke you should cite whomever thinks they are the first person to conceive of the idea. That is absolutely ludicrous. My integrity is in tact because I didn’t fucking steal shit from anyone. I have to question your morality, tact, and logic when you come here and throw around baseless accusations.
You guys come in and start throwing around accusations, making a big deal out of something nobody hear cares about involving people none of us have ever heard of.
Ummm… I can’t believe you pustules… you’ve caused a chain reaction of time wasting jargon. Good, really good for you. 1.) it’s all after experience so if one’s a hack, both are hacks. 2.) i don’t see one negative comment on that shitty stand up routine of his on you tube… no one attacked him… ahem… like you fucktards did to Bobby. How’s the saying go? “If someone breaks into my house, I’ll shoot them.”
I and plenty of other people read this blog for it’s originality and crass humor. Now that i know of Matty Matt Matt from Alllabamaaa!, i still will have nothing to do with him… other than help continue a feud that some cunt friend/fan started by suggesting Matt is the originator of this thought. He isn’t… and if you want him to claim something as TM, it should have impact like the first fucking steam engine, and not some useless space wasting gadget of a joke. You all do realize this has transcended the Matt/Bobby problem, right? Oh and Julian? You are the fattest, thinning hair, anal leakage, dick so small it looks like a clit that almost formed into a cock bitch i have ever hypothesized an existence for…
See how that works?
Look, bottom line is you all are insulting to every reader on here. (and there is a fucking lot of us) So what does someone do when they feel backed into a corner? Idk, something about don’t mess with a cobra or something… yea i watched a few, and objectively, he just isn’t funny… subjectively he is an inbred southerner who’s fans have a proclivity for their cousins and the mutation of what once could have been super funny genes that they pass on to each other… kerplunk…