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Michael Jackson Ceremony… The Running Diary Recap

By: Bobby Finstock on 07/7/09 @ 3:01 pm

So I decided to stop doing work and watch the Michael Jackson ceremony today. I figure so many of you have real jobs and couldn’t spend you afternoon watching one last way for people to exploit his name… err… I mean a celebration of his life. Now before I get started like I said the other day the dude was a great performer and have accomplished a lot but this production and the entire situation around his death has really gone over the top. I decided to keep a running diary of this event/debacle.

(Some of these were things I posted on Twitter and Facebook to a mild reaction of displeasure and hate.)

1: 00- Sweet ready to go. Decided to watch NBC news just because I like Brian Williams and they have the best “black reporters that sound like white guys”. Yes Lester I am looking directly in your direction.


1: 14- Smokey Robinson reads a note from Dinah Ross and then Nelson Mandela. Glad to know those to uppity assholes couldn’t make.

1:24-Uh nothing for ten minutes, this is well planned.

1:30- This is supposed to go 90 minutes, glad to see it is on time and ready to go.

1:35- I wonder if his father is going to wear a t-shirt promoting his new record label. Or at least mention a new album is dropping on the 15th.

1:37- They are wheeling in the casket, kind of creepy.

1:40- Mariah Carey and some other dude. A total mess of a situation, potential train wreck event, and a ton of cameras… Of course Mariah is there.

1:45- How did they get Queen Latifah? I am sure her schedule is packed with uh… Nothing.  She is reading a poem by Maya Angelou written especially for Michael. I wonder if she had this ready to go like Elton John does of versions for Candle in the Wind?

(Friend’s Tweet: cynical_redhead@pointlessbanter i’m sure she has Pizza Hut and Jenny Craig commercials to do…why is it only me that sees the contradiction there?

1:50- Lionel Richie is there… I hope he locked up his liquor cabinet before heading over. You never know what Nicole is capable of doing. The good thing is he doesn’t have to worry about her eating that plate of leftovers he has been hankering for since this morning.

1:54- I have no idea who is speaking, someone from Mowtown maybe? Berry Gordy maybe? (yes it is) They just panned to Smokey Robinson who was surrounded by two of the hottest women ever… Apparently “Tears of a Clown” still pulls in some tail. Gordy just mentioned Tito, the first time anyone has mentioned Tito in years.

2:02- Berry Gordy is still talking… I am already bored.

2:04- Video tribute to MJ even with a reference to the press… I wonder if they are going to show the extended crotch grab and car smack up at the end of “Black and White”?

2:07- Stevie Wonder… Even I can’t make fun of Stevie Wonder. See I am human. Well Stevie can’t, but whatever.

2:15- Magic and Kobe Bryant take the stage. If I ever really wanted HIV to be an airborne disease it is right now. I hate Bryant. Magic is telling a story about how Michael Jackson ate KFC in front of him, saying it was the greatest day in his life… Wow, I can’t understand why he doesn’t have a TV show anymore.

(Note: I had this exchange with a friend on FB.)

Seth: I like that the best moment of his life was eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, sitting on the floor…really???

Me: I guess his kids, NBA titles, and not getting full blown Aids all take a back seat.

2:21- Bad year for Jennifer Hudson… Family murdered, then she was in the Sex and the City movie, and now singing a song that mentions “feed me” repeatedly.

2:25- Al Sharpton sighting. Not surprising, whenever he has a chance to exploit another legacy of an African American he surfaces. Do black people even like him?

2:34- John Mayer? Really? It is nice to see John Mayer take a break from making Jennifer Aniston batshit crazy and actually play music

2:39- Brooke Shields… Is she going to clear up about the time they spent together? Were they dating? Ah she said it was a friendship… She then went onto say that they met when she was 13… a little old for him. She just said that he loved to be teased… uh… I am not even touching that one.

She actually gave a heartfelt speech, much more touching than the other crap that we have seen.

2:47- Nice to Jermaine Jackson getting some work. Is this about honoring his brother or the hope of getting a new recording deal? Do you think his dad will sign him?

2:53- Martin Luther King III- I didn’t even know he existed, I knew about his daughter. You can’t make fun of the King family. Well except that they are there but whatever.

2:59- Congresswomen Shelia Jackson Lee from Houston, you don’t have anything better to do? Glad Congress could spare a member to tell us that Michael Jackson is innocent. (Cough) $22 million settlement (Cough)… I don’t want to get political but uh I think there are some more pressing problems we have to deal with.

3:07- Usher has to be the “headliner” of the service. No Justin Timberlake? Wait… Janet and him probably can’t be in the same room for legal reasons. I thought there would be a higher star wattage. No real heavyweights that were his contemporaries in the 80s.


3:12- Another video tribute. I will give them this they but together a much better show than I thought over the last week…

3:13- Smokey Robinson talking about young kids at his concerts telling him he stole a song from Michael Jackson. Really? What is young at this point 35?

3:19-Shaneneda Jaradjad… Some kid singing. Longest name ever, I am too lazy to pause the TIVO. Nice heartfelt speech from the kid. You have to appreciate that. Apparently he was supposed to be a part of the Jackson show in London.

3:22- Kenny Ortega the producer of his shows explains who the kid is. He just said the Staples Center was Michael’s house. I am waiting for Kobe to jump on stage and rape him… wait this isn’t Colorado.

3:25- The crew from his show is doing a version of “We Are the World” including a guy with the freakiest eyes I have ever seen.  I have to say the song doesn’t as good without Huey Lewis. How pissed do you think this band has to be? No world tour? Do you think they are getting paid for this? Also do you think Lionel Richie is pissed that the entire world thinks Jackson wrote that song now?

All the performers and family members get on stage now singing “Heal the World”… I have to ask, for a guy that protected his kids from the view of cameras do you think he would be happy having his kids photographed multiple times during this?

(Best comment of the day from Mike aka Armand Assante’s Left Ventricle: He’d only care if they didn’t bring friends over. Sorry.)

3:35- Jermaine thanks everyone and tells everyone that he was his voice and backbone. The other family members are now getting their television time. I wonder if we are going to see another Janet nipple slip. Wait that is why JT is not there!!!!

Marlon keeps talking and talking… Now his daughter Paris spoke and truly gave a touching, heartwarming comment, which probably would have been better served in private. That clip is going to get replayed over and over, probably not what he would have wanted. I guess it kind of sums up the entire mess that the last 15 years of his life has become.

Alright so there you go…. The running diary for one of the largest pop culture events of our lives.

Let the hate mail begin.

P.S.- When I die if someone live blogs the event… well I just would like to say you are an asshole.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

19 Responses to “Michael Jackson Ceremony… The Running Diary Recap”

  1. Chrissa says:

    Loved the running commentary with you.

  2. Caroline says:

    Clever way to watch, as you clearly wanted to do, without subjecting yourself to criticism for being one of the ones who participated in the final exploitation of Michael Jackson.

  3. Rick says:

    It’s about time MJ showed up to one of his sold-out arena shows.

  4. Aaron Dietz says:

    Hilarious. “That is why JT is not there.” Heh.

  5. jman says:

    Your ignorance is astounding. For referring to Shaheen Jafargoli as whatyamacallit. I recall Jade Goody referring to Shilpa Shetty as Shilpa poppadum. Learn the name, fool!

  6. Sophie says:

    You are incredibly mean! You are so gonna rot in hell for this! Even if some do not consider this to be the best way to tell him good-bye we all must appreciate their initiative to commemorate a great life and person! Plus he only didn’t want his kids in the public eye when they were very lil! I have seen his children be4 that! You are an ignorant mean person and you should learn there are things that you can’t make fun of! That was so not funny it’s just crap! Get a life!

    • I’m going to rot in hell? Really? I never touched a kid inappropriately.

      • Ema says:

        - so you are one of these idiots that says to someone that says “jump” – HOW HIGH.. are you trying to be funny? paying someone dead out? GET A LIFE – and good bye arse hole

    • Natalie says:

      Actually Sophie, almost everything can be made fun of. Does it hurt your feelings that good ol’ Bob Finstock is mocking a dead child molester? Look up the definition of satire and get back to us with your informed opinion.

  7. kate says:

    I can’t stand Al Sharpton. Not because of his political beliefs…its because of his damn hair.

    Beside the fact that it started late like most black events, it was pretty good. Paris talking about her dad at the end got to me.

    Love the commentary, Bobby

  8. Molly says:

    Nice, this sounds about like the text messaging commentary my friend and I were running. I watched at work with it turned down really low so no one would judge me. That was until I heard Al Sharpton’s voice coming from the office across the hall…and heard the crying of a worker…

    That was when I began judging.

  9. Meghan says:

    Initially I was all upset about missing this tribute until I realized I only wanted to watch it LIVE in case anyone went completely shit house and made a spectacle of themselves.

    Which makes me kind of an insensitive asshole, but if you live your life in the way someone like ME wants your funeral to be a complete fuck show you may have made a few wrong turns.

  10. JW says:

    Jacko was broke, who paid for the gold coffin, Jermaine??

  11. Ema says:

    You are one selfish, ignorant, boring arse sad sack. Truly it amazes me the lengths you haters go to to pay out someone that has given back to the world. What have you done for the whole you jerk? Have you saved a child’s life? have you even given to charity I wonder. I seriously doubt it because if you had of – you would have a heart and you obviously dont have one.

  12. MissT says:

    uhh we should stope celebrating the life of a pedofile… just a thought

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