I don’t consider myself a great golfer. While I can go out and play well I am not going to be quitting my job, whatever that is, for the PGA tour. However I know I can go out and shoot in the 80s, tie together a solid round, and win some money off of friends. That is all I really can ask for. (Although that doesn’t happen all the time, or should I say “often”. It is more likely that I will go out, drink heavily, pout when I play bad, and lose money… But we need to look at the positive.)
This year I joined a golf league that is put together by a “social club” here in Boston. It is co-ed and not all that competitive… There is a tournament at the end of the season but it is more for fun.
Yesterday I showed up to see that I was grouped with two guys I normally play with and a female. Usually the females that I golf with in this league are horrible players, they are using the league to find a guy to date, plus they have a mild interest in golf and decided to blend it all together. (Really what silences a biological clock more than fondling a giant rod?)
However this time it was different, this girl could play. Combine her ability with me playing awful and it led to me getting destroyed by a girl. When I say destroy I mean, “Utterly humiliated beyond all recognition.” (To be fair she did beat one of the other guys in our group. Which is actually worse because he has about $2,000 worth of equipment in his bag and it looks like she picked hers up at the flea market.)
At the end of the round she asked if we wanted to go out and grab a beer. While she was attractive and this invite could have been her flirting I just couldn’t do it. All I could think about was the future where I was sitting in the shower in the fetal position crying wearing a pair of pumps after she shoved a three wood into my ass and laughed as she routinely emasculates me.
Ok… maybe not… Maybe I was just to sore of a loser to get a beer with a women that beat me in golf. The pump story sounded better though.