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Yahoo Wants To Turn Women Into Human Lie Detectors

By: Bobby Finstock on 06/30/09 @ 7:03 am

Yahoo in conjunction with “Whore in Training” magazine aka Cosmopolitan offered up some advice on how to tell if the guy you are talking to is lying. Their post was entitled “Dating Advice: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Liars” which of course like all their other trash is displayed on the front page of Yahoo.

I read the list and here are the ten points without a description:

1. Their Legs Say a Lot

2. They’ll Give You Pause

3. Their Thumbs Betray Discomfort

4. They Can’t Lie in Reverse

5. They’ll Shrug at Odd Times


6. They Have Big Buts

7. Their Tongues Don’t Lie

8. They’ll Hold Your Gaze

9. They Can’t Adapt

10. They’ll Give You a Hand

Now my problem isn’t the list itself because most of these are standard run of the mill things that body language experts say are tells for lying. (Most of the physical traits are considered tells in poker or so I have read in the dozens of books I have read but can’t apply successfully.)

There are two things about this that bug me.

1) Telling women that these are all signs of lying and then having them apply it in their relationship is not only annoying but also dangerous. (“I thought he was lying because he was licking his lips and then he dumped me for asking 15,000 questions about his 12 mile run. Maybe looking back on it he was just dehydrated.”)

2) Some of the descriptions they use for the signs are typical Cosmopolitan shit stirring tips that ultimately are phrased to cause discord in a relationship.

Let’s take point number three as one example: “If he’s standing with his entire hand in his pockets — in other words, his thumbs are in, not out — he’s feeling nervous. It’s up to you to figure out why.” It is up to YOU to figure out why? If that doesn’t feed the psycho part of a women’s brain I don’t know what does. Why didn’t they follow that up with, “we suggest that you smell his penis for foreign vaginal secretions.”

My favorite example though goes with point four, “If someone is telling a story you find fishy, ask questions that force him to relate events in a different order. While a person who’s concocted a false story can tell it in a,b,c,d order, he’ll often find it almost impossible to tell it in d,c,b,a order.” Holy crap, there is nothing worse than getting grilled about something you did by a significant other be it what happened at work or a night out with the boys, the last thing I want to deal with is getting the initial round of questions and then having 15 more pop up like a quiz game to see if slip up.

Whatever happening to trusting someone and then if you begin not to trust him or her just flat out ask them a question? When did a relationship require you to be a water-boarding trained inquisitor?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

9 Responses to “Yahoo Wants To Turn Women Into Human Lie Detectors”

  1. Meghan says:

    Bah! I just got in this discussion with a body language/language buff.

    Sometimes when I say ‘what are you talking about??’ I’m really NOT trying to buy time to make something up in my own defense…I probably mean ‘what are you talking about…are you retarded? Hand me something to knock you back into reality.’

    And now that I know which direction eyes look during recall, inner dialog, etc I get all jumbled.

    Do we really need more excuses to pick someone apart? I say again…Bah!

  2. David says:

    I’ll need to read this article while standing around at the supermarket to find out what my legs are saying…well other than “I’m leaving you” when they start walking me away.

  3. rogue says:

    “Some of the descriptions they use for the signs are typical Cosmopolitan shit stirring tips that ultimately are phrased to cause discord in a relationship.”

    LMAO thats true. Sadly there are some regularities in our body language that says red flag but its normal. theres no need to grill someone about it.

    • Rick says:

      Besides, Cosmo wouldn’t stay in business if women were happy in their relationships/with themselves.

      “How to Know He’s Lying” = Dump Your Man and Start Over from Square One with a New One. (Here’s an article about what to wear on a first date.)

      “10 Ways to Excite Him in Bed” = You are terrible at sex, and he’s probably going to cheat on you with a whore. (See: above.)

  4. Melissa says:

    Wait, I thought women were already human lie detectors? I do believe that Yahoo is attempting to gum up our powers, it’s a plot I tell you!

  5. Wynn says:

    That’s why I never read pages that are for women. They’re so full of all kinds of shit I would never pull on my boyfriend(s) under no circumstances. So much lies!

  6. James says:

    So funny, I bet their next issue will be “Dating Advice: 10 Ways to introduce your boyfriend to your parents on your first date!”

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