I Was The Other Man? Part I
Awhile back I did a dating experiment where I tried out multiple ways to meet women and compared the different methods. On the tail end of that experiment one of the readers told me about Ashley Madison, she had been on the site for a few months and purchased an account but no longer wanted it. She did have some fun on there and some luck so she transferred me her credits and wished me the best of luck.
For those of you that don’t know Ashley Madison is basically a site set up for people that are married to look for some extra curricular action. Joining as a single male I kind of felt like a scumbag but out of respect for the experiment, the possibility of no strings attached sex, and ruining the lives of a bunch of people… well I had to do it. (It couldn’t have been any worse than adult friend finder right?)
Even their advertising makes me feel like I am going to hell.
After setting up my account per the rules of my little social experiment I started to go through the profiles. Now because people are there to cheat secrecy on the site is out of control. You can’t really browse pictures and people weren’t exactly forthcoming when filling out their information. (Which is to be expected.) The site was as pain in the ass to get around and it kind of looked like shit, I didn’t really have high hopes and logged off the site. (I guess when your site is the only one on the internet dedicated to people trying to run around behind the back of their significant other in a quest for kinky sex you kind of let your design slide. It isn’t like a regular dating site where there are hundreds of competitors.)
My account sat there for months filled out but untouched. I moved from Buffalo to Boston and continued to get updates in my inbox from the site. After living here for a while I changed my location on my profile but didn’t log back into the site for months again after that until one day when I got a notification that I had a message in my inbox.
The message was from an attractive, intelligent, women with a good sense of humor living in a loveless marriage and had two kids. It was the classic, “We’re staying together for the sake of our children” type of thing. We started to exchange some messages and the idea of us getting together was brought up. Now getting together on a normal dating site and getting together on a site designed for people to cheat on their spouses has total different connotations. The regular dating site it is all about the date, on this site it basically means we were going to be getting naked. We had a lot of chemistry in our conversation but at this point I had to think about the situation from a moral angle.
Let me break it down.
1) She is married.
Counter point: It is a loveless marriage heading nowhere. They haven’t had sex in over a year… Saying they are married is just a title at this point.
2) They have kids am I going to be a home-wrecker.
Counter point: This is obviously heading towards a divorce, the damage is done I am just playing the role of sexual relief at this point. Frankly I don’t know the other people involved so I could play the zero empathy card and just go with it.
3) Am I going to get killed by a jealous husband?
Counter point: She lives over half an hour away. By the sounds of it he potentially has something else going on or just doesn’t give a shit.
4) Am I going to go to hell for doing this?
Counter point: Look at my track record I am already screwed.
Upside: No string attached relationships, she is attractive, she is fun, we have chemistry, and there is no dating bullshit.
Downside: I could end up dead, in hell, and I could ruin the lives of an entire family causing a bunch of people to have to go to years of therapy.
There was a lot to think about. Did I have the balls to go through with it and morally could I justify it?
If you were a single person would you go through with it?
I think situations like this are always subject. People say, “of course I would never go through with it,” but they don’t really know if they would until they find themselves in that situation. I am the same way, so I am just going to sit back and read the comments.
I say do it! It’s not like you found this poor, sweet housewife and spent months seducing her into breaking the marriage vows. She found you! No moral ethics there. As for the dead part? Who is going to be able to find Bobby Finstock? (you did use your alias, right?)
i say do it. maybe this is what she needs in order to jump start her marriage back up.
)5 Your no-strings experiment in joyous sexual relief turns into her showing up on your doorstep with/without the kids, her bags packed because you ‘get’ her so much better than her husband.
So, husband might be after you, she is now after you, her husbands dumps her, she needs money to pay for juniors soccer uniform, and crazy ensues. Not sure about the hell part, but I do believe that strings manage to magically tie themselves up all over the place when a penis enters a vagina.
Remember the Golden Rule. Never take them to your place until you are sure you could handle a roommate or a stalker.
I bet you had the balls to go through with it, then met her and discovered she looked nothing like her pics.
Or her husband met you there.
I couldn’t. My ex cheated on me too many times to count, and I’m sure he used similar lines to those, along with “she ain’t my wife, she’s just crazy”.
BUT, my moral choices are not your moral choices and what is right in my eyes may not be in yours, so, “do what you do”, it’s not my place to judge *cough* but make it funny so I at least get a laugh while you descend into hell and camp out with my ex and all his hos.
She is the size of a 300 pound linebacker for the NY Giants with three kids by three different men and thankles.
Just a hunch.
I just have a hunch that she is 300 lbs, looks like a fur bering mammal, with four kids, four different dads and she has thankles.
Fuck internet explorer. Moving at the speed of humidity.
I like how no one is commenting on this one, haha. I’ll comment…anonymously-ish.
I have absolutely slept with married and non-single women. At times, with impunity. I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for the situation. Married and attached men and women cheat, a lot. They’re gonna do it with someone, so I don’t pretend that it is somehow ME who is compelling them to cross the line. I like the no strings and lack of drama, but I don’t kid myself that there is any future. I stay as distant from their lives as possible and if the husband/boyfriend sounds like a psycho, then I want no part of it. To me, the relationship is already broken and probably going to fall apart anyway, so I don’t feel responsible for “pushing it over the edge.”
Of course, I also have to admit to myself that I am way over the line morally. That’s nothing new in my life though, so I don’t lose too much sleep over it.
Honestly, don’t do it. If you question yourself even a tiny bit, you’re stretching your morals in the wrong direction and are better off staying off the slippery slope…that I’ve spent WAY too much time on.
You did it didn’t you?! Hahaha. If you knew your track record was already heading downhill, WHY NOT! If I was single, I would all over that ass!
If you can’t stomach the fact that its totally cool to have “platonic” sex with someone regardless of his/her status, then morally, IT’S WRONG! Cause you would be thinking about it for a long time to come, and it WILL make you more miserable would it? If you can, then I guess your track record ain’t that clean too. Its a conscience thing in the end.
Hell yeah I would. Like you said, she’s only still married for the kids. There’s no love between her and the husband so it wouldn’t be morally wrong. And if you’re worried about being the homewrecker, you can take comfort in the fact that she is attractive and after sex so would most likely just go with another person if you turn her down, so you may as well be the one who gets some.
I’m interested in seeing how this one turned out…