Ode To The Lonely 80s Rocker
On Saturday night I had a date with a girl at an establishment that had music on the second floor. After we got done with dinner I headed to the restroom and a bunch of guys were in there putting on wigs for their performance. They told me they covered 80s hair metal and asked if I was going to go to the show. I told them that I would attend if they played all the racist songs off the “G N R Lies”. (Which was obviously a joke because nobody wants to hear a song off of that album in general.)
Need more botox
I told my date about the show and we decided to head up stairs and watch. On our way up stairs there was a guy ahead of us that looked like Nikki Sixx but a little bit younger and less strung out. He was there with a girl that wasn’t very attractive but I think when you look like a 80s hair metal guy your dating pool shrinks considerably. Kind of like if you have a hunchback, a sixth finger, acne, or an extra nipple.
As we drank heavily while watching the band go through the standard fair of 80s hair metal I couldn’t take my eyes of 80s rocker guy who was sitting in the corner with his date. This was no small task when you had the train wreck of a collection of women in their mid 40s dancing without a care in the world and without rhythm. Or you had the recent divorcee with her acid washed jeans trying to flirt with me every time my date went to the bathroom. When all I wanted from her is to know if that she purchased those acid washed jeans recently because there is no way they are still in production.
Back to 80s rocker guy… The stoic look on his face mixed with the occasional grimace when the band played certain songs made me think he was watching a piece of himself die. I really wondered what was going trough his head during the performance.
“These dicks with their wigs and campy attitude are killing the music I love.”
“I wonder if my guy liner is running?”
“You know what I think I totally could bang that chick in the acid washed jeans.”
He stayed through the whole show and didn’t leave his little corner. In fact he sent the women he was with to get any drinks that they had. (I guess that is one of the privileges of kind of looking like Nikki Sixx.) He never moved though, I don’t know if he was hating life upset that he was there or being taken on a trip down memory lane? We then parted ways. I went to drop my date off and I am willing to bet he drove off in a Fiero.
The American Ferrari
Have you seen anyone that you feel was distinctly out of place?
You find an extra nipple a turn off?
I went on a date @ a concert in Hartford that was some Finnish Rock Band with a very underground punk/goth following. So I guess I was the one out of place. If only I had gotten something pierced that day.
You didn’t show off your hood piercing?
He kind of looked liked Nikki Sixx but a little bit younger and less strung out?
Dude you totally just got mind freaked. That was Criss Angel. He was trying to figure out how those other deuchebags could say things without a lisp.
I didn’t recognize him because he wasn’t wearing one of those jackass type t-shirts with the crappy lettering on it.
If it was him you’d have recognized him by the stinch of deuche radiating from his – no doubt – acid washed jeans… and I bet he wears crocs…
mind freak!
Nobody wears crocs…. nobody
Nobody wears crocs? For real? You mean I can come out of my bunker?
I shouldn’t. The fallout might rot my feet off.
My hood piercing? You know, you tell a guy something in confidence…
By tell do you mean show?
You must’ve been terrible at kindergarten.
Meghan did get booted out for showing her hood.
Free Play and Circle Time were never the same after me.
It wasn’t for showing it but for her inadequately telling skills.
My telling skills were just fine. You try explaining 2 plus a pinky to kids who eat paste.
Amateurs.
Don’t think I haven’t tried that. I don’t have to live away from schools for nothing, you know.
Here I was thinking I’d read some terrible article about 80’s Rockers and I get treated to all this pierced hood talk, which is coincidentally exactly what I search for after reading PointlessBanter anyway. You’ve saved me some embarrassing Google history!
Also, I’m now stalking Meghan, but only on this site for the next ten minutes. I’m a pretty lazy stalker.
I miss hair bands. Spandex makes me happy. Or should I say…MANdex! YEAH!
Oh my god, I need coffee so bad.
Watching Pauly Shore do stand up at the Seminole Hard Rock last year. Someone should tell him the constant sniffling and forgetting jokes is a sign of a problem.
Talk about out of place. Eeeeeek.
I run into Ted at the local coffee shop now and then…
Its cool.
Does he attempt to kill you and stuff you?
Nope. But he does talk to people.
Maybe the grimace on his face was because of the smell of the wash-out groupies vagina’s, shaking their rhythm-less hips to the unskinny bop while wishing they were still young enough to get some syphilitic glam penis back stage.