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Jon and Kate Plus 8: I want that bitch to cry

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/26/09 @ 7:23 am

I pride myself on getting in on the first few floors of a pop culture phenomenon so I can comment about it and let you guys know what I think. For example I watched my first episode of American Idol like five years in, I wrote a commentary about Twilight on the eve of the movie release, and I wrote a running diary of the Hills at the start of season four. Okay so maybe I am not really getting in on the ground floor as much as I am getting in on like the 15th floor.

Now I am up against the runaway phenomenon that is Jon and Kate Plus 8. So far I had resisted watching the show based on two strong principles:

1) I don’t give a shit about your kids- I don’t even like to hear stories about my friend’s kids and all the cute things they do. Why the hell would I want to watch an entire show about them?
2) It is on TLC- I refuse to watch anything on a channel that wants to make television watching educational.


I really didn’t know anything about the show except for the occasional reference people would make. Really I just kind of ignored everything I came across about it until I saw the reports that the dad cheated on the mom and the mom was possibly banging her bodyguard. When marital infidelity is thrown into any situation it makes it that much more interesting. For example, I didn’t really care about politics all that much and when Bill Clinton came rumbling onto the scene banging local TV reporters, cheating on his wife, and shoving cigars in the vaginas of interns I suddenly became interested. So I decided to tune into TLC this weekend and catch an episode or two leading up to the season premiere where they discuss all these internal issues.


For those of you who haven’t watched the show let me breakdown the premise for you. These two semi attractive people got married and had a set of twins; they tried for another kid (using fertilization treatments) and ended up with six more all in one shot. Sensing that this was interesting Kate videotaped some of their day to day life and sent it into TLC which they ended up turning everything into a show, she got a book deal, and now she travels and speaks all around the US leaving her husband and a few nannies to tend to the kids. So TLC tapes all the cute shit the kids do (they just turned 5) and sends them to these little events, then they interview the parents where Kate reveals herself to be the largest bitch on the planet emasculating her husband and just eating up the spotlight.

The episode last night dealt with all the gossip rag speculation that has come about since the end of season four where Jon was photographed with another women and all these allegations of cheating have been thrown around. I’m not going to give a running diary or anything but there were a few things I wanted to share about the show, specifically this episode.

1) Kate is the biggest martyr ever- Apparently Kate travels a lot now. In doing research there was one report saying she was out of town for 21 out of 31 days because of her book tour, leaving her husband home to take care of the 8 kids. (Of course they have help.) On this episode Kate came back from a trip and Jon basically took off saying he needed some “me” time, which I think is understandable. Kate had to plan for her kids birthday party BY HERSELF. She had to go to the store and buy things for the party BY HERSELF. Throughout the show she made it perfectly clear that she was doing all of this BY HERSELF. I was waiting for Kate to crawl up on the cross and nail herself to it BY HERSELF.

2) Kate is a master media manipulator- You have to give this chick credit, she turned squeezing out six kids in one shot into a cottage industry. They have endorsement deals, apparently a clothing line, a book, speaking engagement, and various other deals raking in millions of dollars while doing so. Not to mention that they get a ton of free stuff, trips, and other considerations for product placement on the show. Basically her vagina was a giant business incubator program. Last night on the show there was a lot of drama in the interviews as they talked to them each separately. Kate pulled the “I am fighting back tears” thing in her interview yet didn’t have the tell tale crying signs like puffy eyes, red eyes, or any real type of emotion on her face. She did the fake sniffle, eye rub, and the blot of the eye with tissues. It was a totally genius move to make people warm up to this ice queen.

In the end I have to say that I am interested in this situation. (And I know I am not the only one.) You have two people that have transformed their lives to one of celebrity. They both have quit their jobs and made “Jon and Kate Plus 8” their business. Now you have an unhappy marriage mixed with the raising of 8 kids and business considerations thrown in. Aside from reconciliation (Kate pointed out that people with “multiples” have a three times higher divorce rate, so that is unlikely) this isn’t going to end well at all. When everything goes to shit, the kids get a little older and a little less cute, and Kate continues to come off as shrill with no husband to play against, just children…. Well this is going to be an epic crash worth watching.

Does that make me a bad person because I am going to enjoy watching their demise and fall from the spotlight?

If you want to check out all the stuff being said about the show I invite you to check out Gosselins Without Pity

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

23 Responses to “Jon and Kate Plus 8: I want that bitch to cry”

  1. Meghan says:

    Its all going to be worth it in 10-12 years when Bravo picks up the show and its called Jon & Kate + their Socially Inept, Upper Thigh Cutting, Repressed Homosexual 8.

    Something for my own family to enjoy.

  2. Raeann says:

    Who are these people? Is their slot doomed to be filled by Octomom next.

  3. cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    But she wasn’t going it all by herself was she? – the nannies and the bodyguard did all the work, or so I am guessing since I have never seen the show.

  4. Vince says:

    I already have an idea for a show when they do get divorced “John & Kate, plus 8 date! Basically its the same kind of show where they go around with the kids doing stuff but at the same time each of them is on a date. That way we get to see the reactions of each of them while on a date with another person. Should be a pretty good train wreck.

  5. Tori says:

    I can’t stand that show. She really is a bitch. Jon should punch her in the head.

    • Deb says:

      I watched the first episode and wanted to puke. It was so obvious he was miserable and she was a bitch. I dont condone violence but,damn that woman needs a whackin the head. Those kids will end up in a psych ward in the future. And whats with all these idiots having litters, are they freaking dogs or something. Its not normal!!

  6. Lessa says:

    So, I’m wondering if we will get to watch their demise… How long till their obligatory contract is up for the show?

  7. Jeremy says:

    I bet if it weren’t for the 24hr cameras he would have killed her and buried her years ago. What a raging bitch.

  8. Branwyn says:

    I have to completely agree with Tori and Jeremy. Before that show even aired they were showing her pregnancy on another TLC show; “Bringing home baby”. My sister in law had me watch On Demand. Kate was a horrid bitch then. I hated her within the first 5 minutes. John should find someone who isn’t emasculating and lets him be a man! How about “John plus 8 Kill Kate”? She’s an emasculating, selfish, controlling, celebrity whoring bitch!

  9. Dave says:

    Someone further up gave me an idea. After John finally leaves town with his younger honey, the Ocotomom moves in with Kate to debut the program (this is only a working title, remember), “Sexadeca Shenanigans”. This also could be the title of a new porn movie, but more on that later…

  10. Nixxmom says:

    The only way to make Kate cry is to take away the cameras and the $. Then I bet she sheds a tear!

  11. Katie says:

    Next season’s new lineup on TLC:

    Jon + 4
    Kate +4

    Saw that on SNL and thought it was funny.

  12. Isha says:

    I hate the bitch. She’s milking those kids for money. I was an avid watcher of the show, only because I liked how Jon would always look like he’s gonna smack a bitch, I saw this coming from a mile away. She acts like she’s such a great mom, but the bitch is hostile. She’s always subtly dissing the dude or yelling at him or one of the kids in some kinda way. In one of the episodes he even said that after the twins he was fine with what they had but she pushed to have one more child and when they found out they were having 6, elected to keep going. He was also apprehensive about her tummy tuck. For the kids sake is the only reason why I would be like maybe they shouldnt divorce but if they are gonna be like this with each other they shouldn’t be.

    This is the only woman that I truly wish that her husband would just smack the shit outta her.

  13. Edwin D Gill says:

    Kate is the biggest c*nt I’ve ever seen on TV. You can’t blame Jon if he cheated on that vile bitch. Jon needs to bitchslap that bitch.

  14. Stephanie says:

    I was watching the show last night (and have watched a few episodes here and there from the other 4 seasons) and I could not believe how much Kate has changed. I always thought she was a bit condescending with her husband (the “right hun” pat on the knee), but now she’s acting like a little starlett. What was with the big sunglasses and the black trench? And in one scene the way she reacted to 2 of her kids was totally out of “on screen” character.

    This woman obviously loves the spotlight…

  15. katie says:

    I saw some commercials for upcoming episodes and it’s a good thing that they can pull Emeril and the Tuttles from other shows to make a go of this pathetic show now that the family is falling apart!! This show may have originated to highlight how is it to raise 8 eights, but it has clearly gotten to the point of exploitation. And, by the way, why isn’t anybody questioning the ethics of Kate’s doctor that implanted 6 embryos? According to reputable fertility specialist, implanting more that 2 is considered unethical. Sound like a plan from the get-go, eh?

  16. sally says:

    And, by the way, why isn’t anybody questioning the ethics of Kate’s doctor that implanted 6 embryos? According to reputable fertility specialist, implanting more that 2 is considered unethical. Sound like a plan from the get-go, eh?

  17. Deb says:

    There needs to be stricter regulations on invitro. This is crazy! all these mentally unstable women having litters of children. The incidence of physical, mental and psychological defects in invitro babies is extremely high. Litter moms have control issues. It’s a form of hoarding, but instead of old newspapers, they hoard babies.
    Some times you gotta listen to mother nature. If you can’t conceive, it means something is wrong and nature doesnt want you to pass on your DNA. I’m not being mean, I’m being realistic. I lost 3 had a hysterectomy at 22 and when DNA testing was avaible years later, I got checked and found out I carry 4 devastating genetic defects that are passed along thru my genes. If I had the parts to do invitro in this time, I would not do it. I would adopt.. People make fun of Angelina and Madonna for adopting kids. They should be applauded, you don’t see their kids on a freaking reality show!

  18. to says:

    this lady is a piece of dirt she is so over the top with everything she is involved in and some how she went from a nasty piece of ass to some good looking know it all. she needs to get the fat pumped back up her ass and put her back in her place.

  19. Jessie says:

    If I were in charge of a second Holocaust, this Kate bitch will be the first on the train to Auschwitz.

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