Nothing’s Shocking When You Hang Out With Hookers

We all know my penchant for making fun of hookers on Craigslist. After discovering the erotic services section in the last couple of years it has led to some hijinks, shenanigans, and tomfoolery. On one of the posts I noticed that I was getting a ton of traffic from a message board, when I looked into that message board I uncovered a social network essentially for guys looking for hookers and hookers looking for customers. While it was plenty ripe for comedic interpretation I held off writing about it because it was fascinating on an academic level. In grad school last year I wrote a paper about how the sex industry, specifically escorts, use social media better than corporate America. (I posted the paper on my social media blog.)

Since I wrote that paper I was approached by a friend to potentially expand on the paper and turn it into a documentary, which has fell through. I even toyed with expanding it into a book or something of that nature, even doing some research on these social networks, the legality, and how people are leveraging it. (Who am I kidding I don’t have the chops to write an actual book.) In that period of time I have exchanged messages with some people in “the hobby”. Two weeks ago a friend in the “hobby” invited me to a meet and greet. This is where people get together as friends (no business transactions or other illegal activities) and they have a few beers in the backroom of a well-respected establishment.

At first I declined, then I accepted, then I hesitated… I kind of felt dirty going to something like this, like I am doing something seedy or maybe I thought I was above it? Then I thought, “When the hell am I ever going to have an opportunity to go something like this again? There is going to be some good material.” I manned up, took a shower, drank enough beer to kill a small horse, and headed over to the event.

Here are my observations:

1) Women in the business like to grab your junk- The person that invited me told me that I would be the youngest and best looking guy there. Which I was, but it was like the equivalent of me going to a Mormon summer camp and being the biggest drinker. This made me semi popular with the ladies there. Apparently women in the hobby don’t run into a lot of guys like the old Bobby Finstock. So they greeted me in a different way, I guess they don’t shake hands they just grab your junk… Mine was grabbed a little too much for my taste.

2) The men weren’t complete freak shows- Except for the strange Indian guy that was super short and apparently had a thing for feet. Who would have thought the creepy looking short guy would have an odd fetish? Shocker.

3) Their stories are like car wrecks, I don’t want to look or listen but I just can’t turn away- There were so many great stories that they shared with me. One included a guy that asked to borrow a skirt from the “provider” and proceeded to release his love junk in said skirt, while attempting to wear it, after some heavy petting. Apparently the girl didn’t want it back, I wonder why?

The next night I returned to the world of dating and Match.com dates, it felt like I had just returned from a foreign country. Well a foreign country where men wearing skirts and jizzing in them  is the norm… (I am looking at you Scotland.)

Would you have gone to this event?