Dell Unveils New Site That Even My Dumb Vagina Can Understand.
Dell has launched Della, a site geared toward women. Because apparently I needed a penis to surf the regular Dell site.
The Della site is chock full of female-friendly information to help me buy my new Dell computer. It even offers handy Tech Tips, geared to women! Let’s check them out, shall we?
1. Get smarter: It’s easy to turn your netbook into a completely portable eBook reader. You can download the free Adobe Digital Editions software to manage your eBooks or access more than 28,000 free books at Project Gutenburg.
Books? I thought it was just my job to shut up and look pretty.
2. Get healthier: Track your exercise and food intake at free online sites like Fitday. Use your mini to track calories, carbs and protein with ease, watch online fitness videos, map your running routes and more.
Sitting behind a computer screen has long been the key to fitness.
3. Eat better: Find recipes online, store and organize them, and watch cooking videos.
Wait, I thought I was supposed to be watching my food intake. Now I’m supposed to be in the kitchen. This computer stuff is awfully confusing. No wonder Cathy is always so stressed.
Tina Fey is the only person who ever made this funny.
4. Get organized: Remember the Milk is a free, tweakable online task manager that’s easy to use: you track your time, make lists and send yourself remembers with Google Calendar and Google Tasks. Lifehacker is a great place to find out about the latest online productivity tools to make your life simpler, easier and better.
Clearly men have superior intellect that has no need of task managers and time management tools. But as a woman, I need to “send myself remembers” to remind me of my “brain ideas” (men, you have these too, but they are known as “thoughts.”)
Malibu Stacy knows! "Thinking gives you wrinkles!"
5. Chill out: Stressed? Your mini can be your meditation buddy as you take mini-breaks throughout your day (schedule them, with reminders, on your calendar). You can find free guided meditations, download meditation podcasts, watch yoga videos, create soothing slideshows of images and music and even bliss out to Visible Earth images courtesy of NASA.
Hang on, ladies, there’s too much thinking going on! We don’t want you putting together too many of those brain ideas into coherent thought sentences that may spell out trouble in the long run. Here, look at the pretty pictures!
6. Travel smarter: Your lightweight, packable netbook can transform your traveling experience, whether you’re commuting across town or backpacking the globe. Use your netbook to vlog and blog about your journey; translate your blogs into other languages; help you convert currency; track the weather; collect, edit and upload photos; entertain you in airports, trains and buses.
A computer can keep me connected while I travel? Next you’re going to be telling me that they make phones that don’t have to be plugged into the wall!
7. Stay in the clouds: “Cloud computing” is a buzzword for what your mini does best: save money and time by using free online apps for everything you need-meaning you don’t need to buy, install or update a bunch of space- and memory-hogging applications on your computer itself. No matter what operating system you have, it’s easy to find free and low-cost streaming media and online apps. Use Google Docs to create and share spreadsheets, presentations, reports, forms and more; edit, store and share your photos online as well. Any time you need to transfer data to or from your mini, you can stream it, port it via removable SD cards or USB flash drives or plug in an external drive.
Wait, I thought it was a diet, exercise, productivity planner and relaxation device. You mean that I CAN USE IT LIKE AN ACTUAL COMPUTER?!
As a woman, I understand that companies are going to want to market to me as a vagina with legs, but does it have to be a dumb vagina with legs?
Dear Dell: I want a computer that’s fast. That’s cheap. That’s plug and play and comes with a built-in video camera.
And maybe that’s pink.
(I am a woman, after all.)
What do you think?
I talked about the new Dell site today too. Not quite like this. LOL. Although, I do understand this point of view, it’s just not mine.
I do like the pink laptop. I am totally upfront about that!
I’m glad I’m not the only gnarly feminist type that loves pink. I’m quite unashamedly enamoured of the colour. But it has to be viciously pink. I wasn’t happy with my pink DS till I added a VERY sparkly plastic protection case and aggressively decorated it wit 90s holographic stickers of cool animals.
oh my god. i have to go look at this site so i can LOL. you know i was thinking of getting a mini from dell and this site actually may make me change my mind. seriously.
You should let them know!
How thoughtful of them. *Bats eyes, makes them a sammich and works on my gag reflex*.
I’m hoping someday they launch a site called ‘New Dell-i’ that helps me better understand their fucking customer service reps when I call overseas for troubleshooting. Nobody named ‘Jessica Smith’ sounds like that.
El. Oh. El.
Funny stuff! I especially like how Dell offers to explain things like: “…saving money and time by using free online apps…”, which I thought was pretty much self-explanatory in the first place.
By the way, if you still believe that you might need a penis, I can loan you mine. I haven’t done much with it lately and probably could spare it for a while.
Thanks, Dave! It’s always nice to have a spare penis in one’s back pocket.
erm…
Wait, you are telling me women do not use a computer like that?
This has to go to CNN
It’s why I use a Mac! ;p
a Mac
YOU are the Woman of my dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is THE AWESOME.
Della was such the cherry on top of a total sexist week.
Until this article kicked it off and shouted CHOCOLATE.
Love it, agree with it, fabulous.
Merci!
Only if I can get one with Swarovski crystals all over it, and a miniature version for my chihuahua.
books at Project Gutenburg, eh? Any relation to Gutenberg, that pesky printing press inventor?
To be fair, Dell’s site is a pain in the ass to navigate now, especially if you know what you want to buy (ex: you can get linux/ubuntu installed on a laptop but that feature isn’t available in the featured areas, along with a lot of other customization stuff. They do make good desktop computers though. I’ve had mine for 4-5 years and it still works without issue (and I bought it used from my college’s Computer Science Dept, meaning that it’s more like 6-7 years old).
You should check my LJ…I issued a challenge to find the women that these are supposedly marketed to. Sadly, some people have:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Ka5HUb7qg&feature=player_embedded
*rolls eyes*
fokin women’s lib movement….*sigh*
Dell: Dude, you’re not getting any tonight!
You were on the internet? Who keeps a computer in the kitchen?
How to guantee to piss off and alienate your client base? Condescending crap like this. Way to go Dell, you’ve totally blown your chance at luring me away from HP.
Now I just have to return to my email and send the disturbing news of the condensending way Dell is treating women. Most of my contacts are to retired women who for years used computers in their work places ie: engineers, editors of various publications, teachers, doctors (both Dr’s and Phd’s) and even a pilot. I guess what we used and trained on and with were not good enough for the GEEKS at DELL who can not even speak English, let alone try to interact with women.
This whole idea has fail written all over it. I tried pulling up the new Dell site and it’s not loading. Maybe they got the hint?
Maybe Dell’s just trying to segment their target audience more. I can’t wait to see the site they build for men, which basically will just say that Dell can’t be beat for image quality and speedy download of porn.
Now see, the female gender-bender page needs a porn page. I would totally be behand that. They can follow the careers of starlets blogging like Jenna Jameson and Sophia Rossi.
1. Get smarter: It’s easy to turn your netbook into a completely portable eBook reader. You can download the free Adobe Digital Editions software to manage your eBooks or access more than 28,000 free books at Project Gutenburg.
Books? I thought it was just my job to shut up and look pretty.
——
Wow, you obviously just want to pick a fight; I was quite done with your article at that point in reading. Pity, you may have actually had a point but instead drove me away with the sort of blather that gives feminists a bad name. Good work.
Honey, please, sit down and STFU. As someone published via epress, I do appreciate new audiences but using that as the initial basis of investing yet another couple hundred dollars in another trendy designed piece of techno garbage is trite. Did you even take a moment to read the site let alone the rest of this blog? No. Why? Because it may have required you to exercise that militant microbial brain to do more than admire the length of you pitt and leg hair as it wafts in the warm spring breezes. How many *REAL* feminists are going to buy a product that, as it its primary sales points; catalogues recipes to help you lose weight, track websites with meditation exercises and pretty mind-numbing pictures, while keeping track of your exercise proogram (so you can look svelte and pretty for him at all times, and explain how you can use real computer programs *gasp*.
The whole damned site was an insult to anyone who spent the time going through engineering school let alone worked in the trenches in construction. Remember the “career Barbie” this fuckign thing is her computer. It comes in pretty polka dots and other fashion conscious colors. Gimme a fucking break you presumptive twat.
AMEN.
Wow. The things that they think we want… And that men don’t want. :S
Wow. Even as a food-blogger, someone who DOES use her computer to collect and file recipes, I’m just ever so glad I use Mac right now! I love your acidic wit!
SulaBlue @ TheYeastICouldDo
Hee heh! Shame on Dell. I do like the pink…almost got one. ^^
This is positively fantastic. What’s next, Googla?
Methinks that it’s quite ironic that there’s currently a Dell banner ad at the top of the page… They may be patronizing you through their marketing, but hey, their ads pay the bills!
It is a Google ad…. Contextual which we have zero control over, we might make a whopping four cents if someone clicks.