Why Saudi Arabia Rocks: Domestic Abuse In Shades of Grey
Recently I have become a little depressed about the situation here in the United States. Things just aren’t very good right now our economy is in shambles, the news is depressing, the political discourse has turned idiotic (I’m looking at you Tea Party people), every baseball player is on steroids, Jimmy Fallon has his own late night program, and we are all going to die because of Swine Flu. So I have started to look into moving to other countries and after reading this little nugget on cnn.com Saudi Arabia has moved to the front of the list.
Husbands are allowed to slap their wives if they spend lavishly, a Saudi judge said recently during a seminar on domestic violence, Saudi media reported Sunday.
Arab News, a Saudi English-language daily newspaper based in Riyadh, reported that Judge Hamad Al-Razine said that “if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment.”
That is pretty awesome. I didn’t know there were times where it is perfectly okay to kick the ever-living shit out of your wife. Hell if a judge said that situation was okay then it really must be okay. Apparently the reaction to his statement drew the ire of some females in the room, fortunately though most people could hear them through their abaya.
Besides this proclamation there were other tidbits about spousal abuse and when it is okay to deploy it to “keep your bitch in line” that came out at this conference. You can totally see why this is the most progressive Arab country and why they are our friends. (It has NOTHING to do with the amount of oil they have.) I want to share some of my favorites.
It is perfectly okay to shove your wife down a flight of stairs in public or in the privacy of your own home if she doesn’t deny the Holocaust happened. This really applies to anything where she acknowledges that Jews aren’t that bad.
You can totally punch or kick your wife (who said you don’t have choices in Arab countries?) in the stomach if she doesn’t mail the check supporting terrorist organizations targeting the United States a day after a business dinner with American businessmen. Just because you both thought Mr. Smith was very nice and didn’t hate him you still need to shake his hand, stab him in the back, and hope that your cousin poisons his water supply…. They need your money to make that happen and without your small donation to fund their terrorist organization dirty American Pigs will live on!
If your wife gets upset when you kiss another man or do other vague homoerotic things that Arabs do, burns your fatar slightly, or shaves her legs you have every right to kill her. What judge in their right minds wouldn’t side with you if any of these occurrences happen?
So there you have it. Saudi Arabia seems like a particularly good place to move to. (Well unless of course if you are a woman.)
Who is ready to move with me? (They even have McDonalds!!!!)
I just read about this…nice. Friends of mine got Nanny offers for Saudi families, there are SOOOO many out there – big palaces, big salaries, big human rights violations and then you’re stuck in Saudi Arabia!…I am encouraging them to PASS!
I think I am kinda a hard bitch to keep in line…I guess I haven’t been slapped around enough.
You’d like the slapping a little too much.
Domestic slapping has nothing on international slapping. No Thanks.
They don’t have class rings there though.
Don’t really know what that means…but I know I don’t need ‘Mecca Class’09′ or ‘Fuck Yemen’ branded into my hips. Yes…I still pass.
Is that like when I slapped my wife for spending the rent money on puppies?
I’m sorry but that isn’t appropriate. We all know a purchase like that requires you to throw a shoe at her.
So not only do they have to wear degrading face covers but they have to wear cheap degrading face covers or run the risk of getting hit. Nice. Which seriously. Are there brands?? Different designs? Can they even see each others’ for it to make a difference? These are things I need to know!!
Apparently some have better protective padding to help out against their husbands.
if thats the case I’ll spend the extra so when i get hit i wont feel it as bad
Is this true? Does Jimmy Fallon really have his own nightly talk show?
Sadly… yes
Don’t get too excited. Though wife beating may be perfectly fine in that country, the McDonalds will not be like American McDonalds. They always have all sorts of kooky shit in foreign DcMonalds.
Ha! Like the McRib isn’t “kooky shit”? LOL
Finstock…wouldn’t you need to GET a wife first?
Burns your food slightly??
Now that’s freakin’ strange dude.
what do you think the arabs will do to you then bobby when they read your ignorant racist shit? they’ll probably send over some petrol for you to sniff you wanker.
Bob, I know it is hard for the English to understand humor, after all you guys think Mister Bean is funny but this is a satirical piece. I know… I know… I will give you a second to look it up. Go fucking watch Ab Fab.