The 10 Ugliest Gobots Ever Made
In 1983, Tonka unleashed Gobots upon an unsuspecting populace of pre-pubescent boys hungry for something to replace their soon to be moldering Return of the Jedi toys. The concept was strong: vehicles that transformed into robots. The execution: um, not so much. The line of toys turned out to be one of the most laughably uninspired and poorly designed toys ever made. Thankfully, Transformers would soon come along and improve upon the concept exponentially, but unfortunately by then millions of us little 80s boys were stuck with these plastic piles of shit. Here are the worst of the worst.
1. Cy-Kill
Cy-Kill was the leader of the evil “Renegades.” I don’t know what’s scarier about old Cy-Kill, his vaguely penis shaped head or his spindly arms and legs. And can we talk about names for a second? Cy-Kill Tonka, really? Cy-Kill? That’s the best name you could come up with for an evil robot motorcycle? Laughable names are another recurring theme with the Gobot line.
2. Leader-1
OK, so how is it possible for Leader-1, the head of the good guy Guardians, to effectively fight evil when he has what are apparently huge cement blocks attached to his lower legs? And his pea-sized head is not exactly giving me a ton of confidence in his leadership abilities.
3.Turbo
While Turbo is certainly far from the worst example of Gobot ridiculousness, I hated the piss out of him as a kid. There was just something about him that made me want to slap the taste from his mouth. His douchey smile maybe? His big block of a head? The fact that he was getting so much robot poon? I don’t know, but whatever it was, it was enough for me to later build a tiny concentration camp, buy up all of the Turbos on Ebay, and imprison them there.
4. Pocket
Hahahaha. Leave it to the Gobots to take perhaps the coolest car of the 1980s, the Lamborghini, and turn it into this travesty of a robot. Poor Pocket. The other Gobots teased him incessantly, calling him such cruel names as “Tyrannosaurus arms.” A lack of creativity is a theme with Gobots: Pocket “transforms” by pulling down his legs and pulling out his little gimpy arms.
5. Mr. Moto
OH. MY. GOD.
6. Zeemon
Zeemon is sporting some dope-ass ostrich legs there. I mean from an engineering standpoint, I’m SURE those legs can support the weight of his body.
Tonka designer 1: Shit, we forgot the head.
Tonka designer 2: Ahh fuck it, just like make the head the windshield or something.
Tonka designer 1: God I love you. Make love to me.
7. Treds
So like how does Treds climb a set of stairs? Put a pair of jeans on? Live with himself?
(we know … it is a transformer…. our bad.)
8. Psycho
My God Psycho, just look at those saddlebags. You are an embarrassment to the Renegade cause. I mean would it kill you to lay off the Ho Hos and do some squat thrusts?
9. Screw Head
Screw Head and I have a love/hate thing going on, as he may or may not have been the first and only inanimate object I put into my anus as a child, leading to months of reconstructive surgery and awkward explanations to my parents.
10. Gobot Command Center
Tonka couldn’t even get the Gobot storage case right, as this travesty looks like a cross between an At-At and a pregnant Dachshund.
I love how Psycho has the words “future machine” written on him. I hope our transformable robotic overlords in 2000 years find that toy and all have a good laugh around the coolant cooler.
I agree 100% with the list. Did you ever see the YouTube vid of Megatron and Optimus Prime eating lunch and Leader 1 is their waiter? F-ing hilarious.
One note – #7 is a Transformer (you can tell by the symbol). Just an FYI.
well i’ll be bukkaked if you aren’t right. still, that’s one ugly sumbitch
Another theory about why you hated Turbo? He’s clearly sporting a popped collar.
God you’re right. what a douchebag
We had turbo and pocket….. *sigh* Those were the days….
im glad i missed out on that being born in 85i was much to young to play with anything but barbies and sharp objects my mother called toys
“My God Psycho, just look at those saddlebags. You are an embarrassment to the Renegade cause. I mean would it kill you to lay off the Ho Hos and do some squat thrusts?”
“Screw Head and I have a love/hate thing going on, as he may or may not have been the first and only inanimate object I put into my anus as a child, leading to months of reconstructive surgery and awkward explanations to my parents.”
Jesus those were fuckin great…us good ol NH folk have great sense of humor
My brother had almost all of those. As I recall, they broke pretty easily. I had to keep putting them back together for him.
10. Gobot Command Center reminds me a little of K-9 from Dr. Who http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K-9_%28Doctor_Who%29
much love for the good Doctor
Until the Lamborghini People stepped in, Pocket was originally supposed to transform from a Short Bus for Mentally Retarded children…if you look closely you can see it.
OMG, i SEE it
Haha, these do look quite silly!
Does anyone remember Zod? I had that toy as a kid. It was kind of part dinosaur, part soma the electronic dog. It didn’t transform at all, though it it looked kind of menacing.
Here it is:
http://www.toyarchive.com/Gobots/Zod.html
Dude, I used to have Zeemon! OMG!!
Yeah, Transformers were waaaaaaaay fuckin’ better! I remember they also had a Go-Bots cartoon, and it always killed me that the leader was called “Leader-1″. I mean WTF?!! Seriously?!?!?!
Ha ha!! Thanks for the blast from the past!
This essay just proves an important point (one that toy engineers refuse to heed): machines cannot turn into convincing, 2-legged humanoids. To resolve this issue, they always have to tuck their wheels behind them, which must be quite cumbersome when trying to use the bathroom.
I laughed harder at this article than I’ve laughed in a long, long time. When I got to number 6, I just lost it – I woke my wife up.
I was with you donk, right up until I read that you believe Dane Cook is a comedic genius. Rip-off, perhaps, but no genius.
Um…. do you think he is serious with everything else in that profile?
Transformers were gobot knockoffs.
Somebody had to say it!
I have to agree here. I remember being pissed when Transformers came out. I had my parents buy them for me anyway, but that still didn’t ease the pain in my 8 year-old mind. I thought the GoBots had been cheated. Then I realized two things: Transformers were actually a hell of a lot better, and this thing between my legs is good for more than just pissing on trees.
Nice review. Thanks!
It was so disappointing when I thought I had Transformers action figures but found out that they were actually Gobots.
Same here, my grandmother gave me her son’s old Transformers Hound and my little brother got a smaller figure that I did not know who it was until recently i found out that he got a Gobot called Scratch. I laughed at him for getting a shitty figure
[...] In 1983, Tonka unleashed Gobots upon an unsuspecting populace of pre-pubescent boys hungry for something to replace their soon to be moldering Return of the Jedi toys. Now, they’re a thing of the past but still, we remember the ugly ones. [...]
I had a gobot that was a rock that turned into a robot. Shitty as hell.
http://www.tfu.info/Gobots/Guardians/Nuggit/nuggit.htm
this was hilarious, i had zeemon when i was a kid. comparing gobots to G1 transformers there is little difference. Hasbro didnt get it right IMHO until several generations of the toy line later. compare G1 starscream to leader1. there is hardly any difference.
In the photo, it looks like Treds has the outline of the Autobot symbol on the base. Foreshadowing?
I’m pretty certain that Mr Moto’s name was actually “Scooter.” I remember seeing the animated cartoon show numerous times and they always called the three-wheeled robot with the ridiculous face and spindly arms “Scooter.”
This may need to be corrected.
Why does 7 have a Transformers sticker?
You might as well just say GoBots sucks, because I had the large Leader-1 and it was the coolest of the GoBots…which doesn’t say much. Leader-1 is not top 2 though.
I remember in 4th grade, this kid had Psycho. He pronounced it Pie-show. He was supposed to be one of those “Smart” kids.
I remember having a tank that the turret was the head. I don’t remember if it was a go-bot, transformer or a knock off, but it was bad-ass.
Shit, I need to bookmark this blog. Too entertaining.
His name was Destroyer and he was a Gobot
Gobots were the poor kids Transformers.
they left out the army jeep, I forget his name. His head popped up from the gas can on the back, but after a couple times in and out his head wouldn’t stay up.
Man, my life story.
Jeepers Creepers. Most of the shitty gobots were like that. Either there was something that would stay right when in robot more or vehicle mode.
I always liked the dinobots from transformers, even though they were extremely retarded.
You know you love them.
Transformers are much better than Go-Bots! At least in the cartoon. We have to look from 1980s point of view, where all toys are designed without Computer Aided Design.
In toys… Only the premium G1 Toys are slightly better. like Optimus Prime, Megatron, Soundwave.
For regular sized, they are pretty much the same for G1 regular size vs Go-Bots regular.
Starscream is even crappier than Leader 1; Ironhide and Rachet – OMFG, was that even look like a robot at all? Zeemon looks more cooler than Ironhide and Rachet.
One reason I hate Go-Bots is face are still visible in alternate mode. Like Cy-Kill. In fact, Cy-Kill alternate mode looks nothing like a motorbike, more like the silly robot (Bender) bending over waiting for some doggy style, or waiting to be ass wooped.
If hasbro bought over Go-Bots as part of the Transformers, it would be different story. People buy even the worst Transformers as long as Autobot logo is attached; but unwilling to pay even a quarter for a three times much better and well designed transformable robot than a Binaltech.
If you actually go to hyerstore, pay attention to the non-Transformers robots in the toys department, lots of them are actually way cooler, more complex, more articulation, well designed, and costs no more than 25% of a Transformers-branded with the same size of it. If Binaltech costs $40, it would cost only $10. Some are even fully diecast.
i agree with the list but i still don’t understand the difference between transformers and gobots. they both transform right?
i almost died laughing wen i saw mr. moto
This is what happens when autism goes unchecked.
The description of the storage case is priceless.
turbo and mr. moto are definitely my favorite ones haha brb ebay
They´re god awfull, but they make me feel so nostalgic i can´t stop loving them