Craigslist Hooker Killer Brought To Justice, Girlfriend Now Available
For those of you who get your news only from this blog and the Daily Show (which I am guessing is 75% of the readership) there has been a rash of recent craigslist hooker robberies that actually led to a murder recently in the Boston Area. Yesterday the police caught and arrested a 22 year old BU grad student Philip Markoff who is the alleged perp. (I just wanted to use cop talk.)
In the fallout of all of this is the discovery that he is engaged to a BU classmate and they had a webpage dedicated to their wedding. (Which is currently down, I wonder why?) After looking at their pictures I realized that his fiance is actually kind of attractive.
"Honey give me the dead hooker look."
This got me thinking. I am “semi-single”, she is attractive, I’m attractive even with a massive sunburn, we both live in the Boston area, and I am going to assume she is going to be newly single quickly. So why not make a move right?
I figure I can just do a little compare and contrast with her former future husband and I will be coming up roses.
Undergraduate Education: We both went to SUNY Albany. While there I spent most of my time drinking, chasing women, and playing video games while working on my degree in History. While he was working on his undergraduate degree to prepare for medical school I imagine he watched “From Hell” over and over again preparing for his future.
(+1 Me, “From Hell” isn’t worth viewing multiple times.)
Craigslist hooker fascination: I love to go to the erotic services section on craigslist because of the untapped humor potential. He goes to the erotic services section scoping out his next victim.
(Wash, Nobody should spend more than 30 seconds of their life on the erotic services section on Craigslist.)
Arrest record: I got in trouble for cutting a hole in a basketball coaches pool in high school, leading to a few weekends of community service. He has a murder and a couple of robbery charges and will probably be going away for life.
(+1 Me, mine isn’t even on my permanent record. His cute ass is going to be a human pin cushion. Actually I should give myself another +1 just for that fact.)
Sexual Fantasies: He asks his girlfriend to dress up like a hooker and then binds and gags her in order to get off. Where I… Uh… Let’s just move on.
(+1 Philip, I am not going to explain something that involves a jar of jelly, some PVC pipe, and a small forrest animal.)
Intangibles: My hobby is writing a crappy humor blog. His is killing “adult massage therapists”. I lead a pretty open life, she will never have to wonder where I am on a Friday night and why I need to leave the house with a gun and zip ties. I have never tried crack. (I am sure that is a selling point right?)
He has a really nice smile and is going to be a doctor. He is known as the “creepy neighbor”…..
(+1 Me, I think the crack thing broke the tie.)
So there you have it. I think I have played my cards right and come out looking like roses. I am waiting for an e-mail or a phone call from Megan McAllister any day now.
So do you think I have a chance?
You totally have a shot!
You just need to maneuver yourself into her line of sight one night while she is out drinking with her friends, bitching about her crazy fiancee, and it occurs to her that the sunburned guy at the bar would be a great f*&% and the best way for her to get even.
This entire strategy is coming together nicely.
Well, compared to some of the women that you’ve written about and knowing some of your history that hasn’t made it to this blog, I can’t believe she didn’t call you over this past weekend while those fuzzy pictures of him were on TV.
By the way stop bragging you went to SUNY Albany, there is really no record of that except for loans not paid.
Hey like half of my credits transfered to the esteemed Cal State Channel Islands. 25k in debt and the ability to use 1/2 of the classes I took was totally a wise investment.
Okay… maybe not.
There’s more…
1. He “wouldn’t hurt a fly”…didn’t you kill someone with an errant tee shot once ?
2.He was the “boy next door”…wasn’t there a restraining order against you from your mom’s neighbor and parent of that 11 year old who you swore looked 16 ?
3.He doesn’t have relatives like you do, which downgrades you below the pirates
Everyone is below Pirates.
Except Ninjas and Space Cowboys.
i like to read the news paper as a way to tell my kids “mommy’s busy” lol so I knew of the story and you make light out of the situation LOL were all going to hell..
It was a forgone conclusion at this point.
Keep us informed if she has a penis, since it’s still CL related.
You never really know do you?
Shoot for the middle, my friend! You can do it! Well, you can do her.
Why set the bar high when you can just go after the damaged?
give me the dead transgendered look again.
Women love when you tell them that.
Your jar of jelly, some PVC pipe, and a small forrest animal desires are oddly similar to a part in the book American Psycho, I won’t go into much detail because its pretty fucked up but I think that might be a minus for you, although it is something she could be into.
I just like how it all sounds together.
I didn’t read American Psycho the book, but I did see the movie. So, with that I say this:
I think in order to win her over you need to play Phil Collins and explain why his “…But Seriously” album was as great (awful) as it was and why. I mean, assuming that PVC pipe, jelly and forest creatures are involved, you might as well talk about something.
Hey I have smoked a lot of crack. A few times with hookers and everyone left the cheap hotel with there lives if not there dignity
Bobby where were you when the craigslist events unfolded? Maybe you have moved from robbing and killing grand theft auto to real life. Plus you do have a certain spot in your heart for the hookers on craigslist. I guess the real question did you set this poor guy up?
i think we all know the answer to that question. markoff beats finstock on the river in a high stakes hold’em tournament at the foxwoods. finstock, being the “depraved loser” that he is, decides to follow markoff to his hotel room to steal the winnings. he breaks in and finds a tied up hooker. finstock, on the advice from his evil friend costanza, decides to finish markoff once and for all by setting him up for murder. oops, i’ve said too much. sorry finstock, i know you were saving this story for your book ” if finstock did it”
what’s a murder story without an oj reference.
What amazes me is that the guy looks like a perfect example of some douchebag frat boy who could get a bunch of decent-looking sorority whores. Why would he need a craigslist hooker in the first place, let alone kill one? Maybe he’s one of those guys who got a boner when he was 2 and his mom put clothespins on it. Or maybe he’s just into dead hookers. Who knows?
When I read about this story and the bloke being arrested, I immediately thought of you
Boston + Dead Hookers, should surely = Pointless Banter/Bobby/Whatsit