Five TV Shows That Should Be Movies
Hollywood has been scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas for years. Last week it was announced that L. Ron’s Favorite Son and Pointless Banter favorite Tom Cruise wants to redo the classic Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid with John Travolta.
Just what the world needs: a Scientology buddy comedy.
The movie-making machine is pooping out remakes, sequels, and my favorite: movies based on TV shows. My favorite part about turning TV shows into movies is that you hear executives tell you that you need to “put a fresh spin” on it and “revitalize the source material.” This is also known as “putting lipstick on a pig.” It’s the “twist” that will make people realize that it’s more than a TV show. The Brady Bunch? Take their groovy 70s family and place them in contemporary times! The Honeymooners? What if they’re…black?
With that in mind, I’d like to share with you my five TV shows that should be movies, with my Awesome Story Spin (ASS).
1. Show: B.J. & the Bear
Premise: B.J. and his pet chimpanzee bear travel the country in his semi. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.
ASS: Golfer Vijay Singh
New Premise: V.J. & the Bear!
A world-famous golfer loses and bet and has to travel from tourney to tourney in a semi with a chimpanzee who will now act as his caddy. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.
2. Show: Cop Rock
Premise: Police drama + Musical = Proof that in the early 90s, Steven Bochco could get anything made.
ASS: Zac Efron
New Premise: Mall Cop Rock!
After graduating from High School, Zac Efron discovers there’s not a huge demand for shaggy-haired guys who break into song and dance numbers, so he gets a job as a Mall Cop…where he breaks into song and dance numbers.
3. Show: Thunder in Paradise
Premise: Two ex-NAVY seals become mercenaries in Florida, along with their super-boat Thunder.
ASS: Thundarr the Barbarian
New Premise: Thunderr in Paradise
Thundarr, Princess Ariel and Ookla the Mok travel retire to Florida, giving up that whole “saving the Universe” business, only to discover that the Universe isn’t quite done with them yet.
4. Show: Manimal
Premise: From the opening credits:
Dr. Jonathan Chase… wealthy, young, handsome. A man with the brightest of futures. A man with the darkest of pasts. From Africa’s deepest recesses, to the rarefied peaks of Tibet, heir to his father’s legacy and the world’s darkest mysteries. Jonathan Chase, master of the secrets that divide man from animal, animal from man… Manimal!
ASS: Tim Gunn
New Premise: Garanimal
Tim Gunn is a shape-shifter who trasnforms from man to animal when he spies bad fashion.
5. Show: Charles in Charge
Premise: Scott Baio is a live-in nanny.
ASS: Karl Rove
New Premise: Karl’s in Charge.
In order to avoid testifying to Congress, Karl Rove takes a job as a live-in nanny for a family of liberals in the Pacific Northwest.
Holy crap, that last one doesn’t suck too bad.
Or maybe I’ve been working in Hollywood a little too long…
What TV show is begging to be made into a movie?
Now that you’ve put the ideas out there, let’s see how long it takes for a studio exec to greenlight that craziness!
I have convinced myself that “Karl’s in Charge” is going to end up on ABC Family.
“Karl’s in Charge” won’t be ABC; that’s got Fox written all over it.
Can’t decide if I like Mall Cop Rock or Garanimal better. No worries though, because as soon as Ben Silverman sees this column, both will become part of NBC’s fall lineup.
Also: I suck at Photoshop, so your jobs are safe.
I’m Pro-Monkey so V.J. & the Bear has to happen. I can’t support Karl’s in Charge unless he dies in the first episode.
Actual TV shows being made into movies:
Ripleys Believe It Or Not. IMDB synopsis: “Believe It or Not picks up with Ripley at the time when he gained celebrity status through a “Believe it or Not” column that chronicled his search for the greatest oddities in the world. Along the way, he starts to respect his unusual human discoveries as more than mere conquests to be documented.” At one time, Tim Burton was helming this; now it is being directed by Chris Columbus and starring Jim Carrey
The Hardy Men. IMDB synopsis: An updated version of “The Hardy Boys,” “The Hardy Men” would have these perpetual teenagers finally grown up, but up to their old tricks once more. Classified as a comedy and starring Ben Stiller (How’s that for an ASS?)
This is fucking hilarious…and Karl’s In Charge thrills me to no end!
And the Butch Cassidy remake!? I guess I don’t remember the original as well as I thought – I don’t remember the scene where they blew one another down by the creek.
Damn deleted scenes.
All of your ideas are brilliant. Demented, but brilliant. What I want to know is why no one has thought of turning “The News” into a movie…yet.
I like Karl’s in Charge. Pitch it to Fox and I’ll do it.
You’re my hero for the Thundarr ASS!