Last Requests You Don’t Make
Death sucks. What makes death even worse is when people do things to “honor your spirit” even though you never asked for it. I wonder if there is an afterlife and you have to watch all of this. Is it totally embarrassing to watch your family do stupid shit in your name? Do other people in this afterlife give you shit about it? “They named a tennis court after you. You don’t even LIKE tennis.” “Fuck you Lou Gehrig you have a disease named after you.”
I get the whole idea of honoring someone’s last wishes concept. Maybe you want to have your ashes spread in the ocean or have a scholarship set up in your name. But when someone goes and does something selfish and plays the “they would have wanted it that way” card it can lead to some disturbing shit.
Take for example a mother in Dallas whose son died in a tragic car accident. She has decided to have his sperm harvested, which done through a removal of part of his testicles by a specialist so his gunk can be used at a later date. The reasoning behind it is that his mom said he always wanted a kid.
Now I don’t know about you but I think there is a pretty large leap from “hey I want kids one day” to “if I die early scrape my balls and remove some of my love juice so I can knock someone up artificially”. I’m sure there will be no ill effects when you try to explain to your child that their dad was dead five years before they were even born.
So the reason I write this is to let you all know and to document that you should prevent anyone from doing anything in my name that doesn’t make sense. I’m not planning the kick the bucket anytime soon but you can’t be too careful.
Please don’t let anyone embalm me and have my corpse tour the countryside unless it is in a remake of “Weekend at Bernie’s”. Additionally please do not let anyone create a program for other people in my name; I’m really not that charitable. I want everything I have ever bought and earned to be buried with me like the Egyptians. (Including my wife, I can’t have her having sex with men after I am gone.)
However ladies if you want my sperm to carry on my legacy I am planning to auction it off on EBay. Please note that you can only use this sperm upon my death, I don’t want to pay any child support.
Harvesting sperm, a distraught parent’s right or something horribly disturbing?
There is another alternative…coarpse sex…and no awkward phone calls, second dates and chance meetings after the deed
There is a joke about marriage in there somewhere. I am just too tired to find it.
Will and I didn’t discuss finances or kids before getting married…but we did discuss coma sex.
“if I die early scrape my balls and remove some of my love juice so I can knock someone up artificially”
ooooh hahahahhaha
just what I needed this morning.
I don’t ever comment but I read all your blogs and they always make me laugh, so thanks!
Well thanks for reading…. And glad I gave you something you needed this morning. (That sounded dirty.)
oooh … you give it to me late at night too. And sometimes in the middle of the afternoon.
It would be seriously fucked up if she impregnated herself with her sons sperm so that she could have a grandchild. I wouldn’t be surpirsed if she did. Anyone that is willing to have their son’s testicle removed so that his dream of having a kid can be fulfilled has got to be an inbred, crazy person.
That’s just weird… but I WAS wondering what woman would want to have this guys kid – seeing as he was dead and all.
If it was his wife that requested his sperm, I could almost understand that, but him mom? Creepy!
Hmm, corpse sperm. Just what I would want injected into my womb!
lol!
I, too, want to be buried with all of my belongings. WTF is the point of having them if you can’t horde them when you’re gone?!
Harvesting sperm, a distraught parent’s right or something horribly disturbing? You can always make such serious things into something comedic.
I do have mixed feelings about this situation, a griving mother, she lost her son, and maybe he really did want kids, and she’s dying for a grandchild that she will never get unless the procedure is done..
But at the same time, how old is MAMA/Grandma is she going to be to old to take care of this kid untill he/she is grown? is she going to collect social security checks for the child due to the fathers death, is that her motive? no one knows for sure…
and whats the going bid on e-bay for your sperm, im trying to get my boyfriend to dump me and having a baby without his DNA would surly do it LOL j/k
Yeah, this is seriously fucked up. I can’t even believe it’s legal?!?! Postmortem mutilation and harvesting of his testicles…and what woman is going sign up for THAT?
Wait, this is Texas…they have Carnies.
Corpse Sperm! It came from beyoooooooond!
Definitely something horribly disturbing. I’m sure this woman went off the deep end after losing her son, and this is probably some last ditch effort to carry on her family name and/or get a redo at being a mom. Honestly, the second option is what I think is going on. If she’s crazy enough to do some shit like this, there is no telling what kind of special hell she put her son through when he was alive.