Five Songs You Know You’ve F***ed To
Today I give you a list. Because I have been away for a little while, busy and shit with shit and shit, I just jotted a few things down in between feedings. But I think you’ll enjoy this one, because it involves sex and memories…which can be good or bad I guess. One that will jog your memories a bit, maybe get you ladies a little sloppy on the bottom…I don’t know.
Five Songs That My Generation Have more than likely conceived their own children to, if you have them. If not, you’ve certainly played “Hide the Hoagie” to them.
5. Nine Inch Nails “Closer”
No need to get technical on this one, although it doesn’t fit the rest of the bunch musically. Any song that is played simultaneously at strip joints, parties, dorm rooms and beat up 1986 Dodge Aries K-Cars with 89X stickers in the windows, blaring the words, “I want to fuck you like an animal…” deserves to be on this list.
Nothing speaks to the unbridled, uninhibited sex machine than this song. Of course, this song also created a rash of herpes and syphilis to the magnitude that this planet, or Michigan State University, has never seen.
The Good: The words. Period.
The Bad: For you guys, you need to have some excellent stamina and pay attention, as the music to this one doesn’t allow you to concentrate on the task at hand. Consider this a conception song for those with Adult ADD. Or for a grudge fuck.
Conceivability Score: 4…but since no protection was EVER used during this song…9
4. U2 “With Or Without You”
This one goes back to one of the greatest albums of all time, 1987’s The Joshua Tree. The song itself was revitalized thanks to the “Friends” Ross and Rachel “We were on a break” craze that gripped all of the crazy loser dorks that followed that nauseating crap during that fall. But, it is a great song, with excellent melody and gets even the coldest of fish out there a little twinge.
The Good: It got some of the coldest fish to “warm up” a bit. What else can I say? Hell, I was dating one of those fish at the time, so it was all good.
The Bad: Too many people said I looked like Ross.
Conceivability Score: 7…wait one of my own might have been created to this one…9
3. Trisha Yearwood “How Do I Live”
The reason this one is high on the list is for the simple fact that it is in the Guinness Book of World Records for holding the record for the most consecutive weddings played…at a stunning 13.2 million weddings between 1997 and 2006. (Alright, I made that up. The real record is Celebration by Kool and the Gang. Hell, I made that one up, too.) But, How Do I Live was played at every wedding I ever went to, including my own, during that time. So, what song speaks better for getting your new bride knocked up that this one? Hell, after the garter toss, most newlywed couples were on their way to the bathroom to take care of business!
The Good: Its so damn sweet and sappy that it is perhaps the easiest song to almost assuredly get those damn clothes off! Just listen to it! Unless you are now divorced and then it makes you want to kick the neighbors dog.
The Bad: I just kicked my neighbors dog.
Conceivability Score: 8… but not if you are “Mile High Clubbing” it on your way to Puerto Rico to catch a cruise ship for your honeymoon… The altitude screws things up a bit. So, then it’s a 7
2. Journey “Open Arms” OR “Faithfully”
Yeahhhh, you know what I’m talking about. Journey was perhaps the last quarter century’s “King’s Of Poonani” with their monster ballads and creative lyrics gently caressing the inner psyche of all people with mullets and back hair inscriptions. “Faithfully” HAD to be the wedding song of the 80’s, which is quite ironic since 75% of those marriages ended due to infidelity and cocaine addiction. No, really. I actually own the greatest hits of these guys, and I don’t have a mullet (anymore) or back hair. But then again, who doesn’t own these songs? If you appreciate what it takes to make it happen in the sack…these two songs are staples. Its especially easy if you’re with someone that thinks that Steve Perry is hot or they want to look just like him. Because we all look better than Steve Perry
Even “Sloth” from The Goonies.
The Good: Sappy, emotionally driven lyrics. Me thinks that Steve Perry got screwed over a lot with the ladies, despite his fame, which in and of itself is an anomaly.
The Bad: Once these songs are over, then “Separate Ways” comes on and you MUST air guitar to that song to pay homage to the Journey video to “Separate Ways”. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go and find it. Its retarded.
Conceivability Score: 9, but since there are two songs here…18.
1. Aerosmith “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”
Nobody in my generation can ever get away from this one. This song is like my generations end of World War Two in terms of sexual activity and procreation. If you think I am kidding, well, I am not. Of course, it is extra special sappy because it was the theme song to Steven Tyler’s daughter Liv Tyler’s biggest movie to date (Lord Of The Rings doesn’t count…nor does Empire Records). And, I hate it.
The Good: I Picture Liv Tyler. Yeah
The Bad: I then realize she’s going to look like this in 25 years. BOOO
Conceivability Score: 10
Honorable mention: None.
I need to go buy me a hooker.
I’ll admit I’ve foked to “closer,” but the rest of those songs suck.
(best sex ever)
Just cause the song sucks doesn’t mean it didn’t make her want to suck.
Finally!! A list with an R. Kelly song on it.
NIN – Closer is the best song on that list. It made playing hiding the hoagie quite fun.
suppose to say “without”
You forgot the best screwing song of all time:
Jimmy Buffett “Let’s Get Drunk and Screw”
It’s apropos to your post.
RDJ
Well, maybe #2, but you did start this out by restricting it to your generation. The list for MY generation would include Free Bird, When the Levee Breaks, and Slow Ride.
Now I feel really old.
Yep, you are….
I’m 24 but I’d TOTALLY get down to Slow Ride.
What about “Oh Yeah” from yellow. Oh you know Sloan and Ferris got it on to this one, over and over and over.
Closer, absolutely. That song is pure sex and I believe it was actually co-written by a vagina Trent had his penis in at the time.
However, if you’re screwing to anything by Journey, I’m pretty sure it means you’re having gay sex.
[...] time” to some weird music. But it’s tough to say you haven’t done it to one of these five songs. sr_adspace_id = 7354607; sr_adspace_width = 300; sr_adspace_height = 250; sr_ad_new_window [...]
This is of course a variation of Matt’s PERSONAL list which contains Kung Fu Fighting, Another One Bites the Dust, Its Raining Men, Safety Dance and Tip Toe Through the Tulips.
No @ 5, 3, and 2
Wow, I’m either less of a slut than I thought or I hate music.
I’m shocked that “In Your Eyes” wasn’t in there for every girl with a Lloyd Dobler fetish.
The original list was nice songs, and that one was on it. It was the last to get cut actually. If I kept the remaining four, this blog would have been just short of a novella.
I meant “nine” songs.
Did someone say Lloyd Dobler?!?!
My God if any of my ex’es had cranked up any of those songs save for NIN – I’d have left screaming from the room.
Bad, bad, bad!! No nookie for you!
I can honestly say that I have never had sex to any of these songs, in spite of the fact that Closer makes me WANT to have sex. I can’t really have sex with music on though. I have to focus.
Ha great list!
Not my musical selections, but 5 comes the closest to one I fondly remember (and still own) Animal by Wasp.
I once pee’d on a girl listening to a Hannah Montana song. It wasn’t my choice that’s just what she was listening too when I busted in the room.
How about Sadeness by Enigma? With the monks chanting and someone speaking French and then in the middle part where the female is breathing hard? That shit is like a self contained porno. Or Hungry Like The Wolf by Duran Duran?
Out of all the awesome songs that Aerosmith put out only that fucking mess went to #1. Crap.
In the movie “The Sweetest Thing” they used the song “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” in an out of the ordinary way.
Funiest moment in the movie.
Isn’t closer actually about smack?
Ok, I’ll give you number 5, because really, it’s a given. I absolutely HATE numbers 4 and 3 *dry heaves*. There is one Al B Sure song that does it for me everytime for some reason. But…. there is absolutely nothing like a slow dance to “let’s get it on” followed by…. well…. getting it on :-p
Although, conceivability is zilch on all of them til the right guy comes around and doesn’t, say, move….
Well, I am obviously older than many of you, but how about a couple from Barry White…
Can’t Get Enough
I Want To Do It Good To You
Or Marvin Gaye:
Let’s Get It On
Sexual Healing
TV On The Radio – Staring At The Sun.
This song is money. and great for making babies to.
C’mon, worst Aerosmith song ever. What about “Love in an Elevator”?
duh, how about the entire album Undertow by Tool?? Not sayin I’ve made it all the way through, but I tried
It’s a very sexy album…
No marvyn gay’s “lets get it on?”
that song is the very essence of sex itself!