(From the notebook: I have been crafting some different bits for stand up and other things. This was a bit that just went too long for stand up with very little payoff but thought there were some funny things in here worth sharing. And then a random joke at the end that I will probably never use. Instead of subjecting a live audience to it you guys get stuck with it.)
We all have that one friend that takes things inexcusably too far. You know when you are little and have a water fight it starts with some squirt guns, water balloons, and then maybe it graduates to a hose. But then that one friend elevates it to a new level by pissing in a water balloon.
As soon as he throws it and it breaks everyone gives him that what the fuck look? The “what the fuck look” comes around for a couple of reasons:
First because he threw the balloon ruining everyone’s time and the second is that you don’t know how he filled a water balloon with piss.
Did he put it on his dick? Was there a funnel involved?
So everyone is giving them the “what the fuck look” and they are hopping around with a laugh that sounds like a hyena on meth. These friends always ruin everything.
We have a friend like this named Kyle. Nobody ever wants to invite Kyle to anything because we all think he is going to ruin it.
For a while my friends and I were exchanging disgusting things we found on the internet. A hot chick with armpit hair…got to send it to my friends. A girl hiking a nerf football out of her vagina… got to send to my friends.
It became a game a fun little game were all playing until Kyle got involved. Kyle didn’t just wade into the game his first launch was two girls one cup. Of course we were all grossed out. At that point I decided to bow out of this little game.My one friend Mark was bound and determined to not let Kyle ruin this and destroy this fun thing for all of us. I know the next video had something to do with a horse that I am pretty sure is illegal to watch in most states.
So Kyle fired back with a video. A video so heinous that my friend Mark called me at 2 in the morning saying that he was having a nightmare over what Kyle sent. All he said about the video as that it was Japanese and it was entitled, I bet you can’t watch all four minutes.
Needless to say Mark did and he will forever wish he hadn’t.
Anything that makes Two Girls One Cup look like a Disney movie is something that I don’t want to see.
Do you think Mormons are happy that the Scientologists are around because now they have the second craziest religion in America?
They believe that were dumped in Volcanoes!
Dude your magic underwear is showing.