If you are going to use sex toys don’t be cheap
Whatever happened to just having sex? With the advancement of modern technology some people are incapable of having sex without using a swing, glow in the dark lubricant, and an array of mechanical devices including power tools.
Of course some people see these tools, toys, and gadgets and don’t want to spend the money. Instead of buying that tube of Astroglide they decide that they can roll the dice by buying some PAM off the shelf. Instead of buying that dildo they look for phallic looking shampoo bottles.
And instead of using a high powered dildo attached to a power saw (without a saw blade) they decide to just put the saw blade into a dildo and cut their partners nether regions like these idiots:
LEXINGTON PARK, Md. – Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.
Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George’s County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office.
The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.
Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff’s office said.
Now I am not a construction guy, I don’t own a lot of power tools, but I can grasp the basic concept of how a saw works and could right off the bat tell you that this probably wasn’t a good idea. Haven’t these idiots ever cut a roll before? If you hold the roll and insert a knife into said roll then move the knife back forth you will probably cut through the roll.
Instead of a hand holding the roll in this case you have a vagina, instead of a roll you have a rubber cock, and instead of a knife you have a saber saw blade. The general principles still apply. The blade will cut through.
I guess there is a silver lining to this. The genital mutilation that occurred will probably stop them from breeding, which is really a good thing.
Now excuse me while I go fuck my fleshlight hooked up to a jackhammer.
Are you just convinced at this point that 95% of the population is functionally retarded?
Um yes. Yes I am. When they told this story on the radio the other day, I attempted to curl myself around my vagina to protect it. Since I was driving, my armadillo tactics failed. But sweet baby jesus WHY?!
Why? Two words: thumb dick
I don’t care WHAT kind of dick it is, there is no reason for that. If they really wanted to use power tools, what about using a drill? I mean, they already make machines that are basically just that. Or, like you said, REMOVING THE BLADE.
If you’ll excuse me, I have to go check my vibrator for violent intentions.
Somehow I imagine this genius that put this together had a chainsaw in his hand, fired it up, and then thought for about 3 minutes before shutting it off, putting it down, and moving on.
::looks down at the chainsaw::
::looks at dick::
“Nah, too intimidating.”
::spies saber saw hanging on the corkboard::
I forgot I heard about this! Yeah, how completely ignorant where those 2? I’m sure she was quoting Oprah, “My va jay-jay be painin’!”
I heard this the other day and thought which of the two mensa members dreamed it up and how hard was it to get the other to go along with it.
Now we need to come up with an urban dictionary name for it.
I know… How did that conversation go down?
Well urbandictionary already has sawdomize, which isn’t bad, even though it wasn’t actually sodomy.
Whatever happened to old fashioned doing it on the washing machine during the spin cycle.
Simpler times… simpler times.
they couldn’t just order one online?
Why wait when they could do it themselves.
This idea doesn’t seem original. Wasn’t it part of the movie “Seven”? Some john was forced to fuck a hooker with a saw blade or something? Maybe they’re just Brad Pitt fans.
Yeah it was some sort of strap on device. I tried to get one online for my friend as an engagement gift but no such luck.
I have been convinced for quite some time that 95% of the population is functionally retarded. I knew people from Maryland were stupid but I didn’t think it was this bad.
I never had an opinion on Maryland people until now.
If only you had to pass an IQ test before you could breed. I’m not saying you need to be a genius, just above whatever they consider average.
But if one half IS a genius they can have a kid with a retarded person as long as they sign a contrat saying the idiot will have no influence on raising their kid.
I think there should be IQ tests for people to do any of the following:
Breed
Vote
Own a gun
Operate a vehicle of any type
I am sure there are tons more but I think these are the most important.
I once looked around and thought 95% of people were functionally retarded.
Turned out I had passed out drunk at a high school football game and woke up during the next day’s Special Olympics.
lol that just made my day.
it’s nice to see you back around these parts
I don’t get what’s wrong with having good, old-fashioned sex either. I don’t mind a toy when I’m by myself, mostly because toys are faster and I’m not looking to “make love” to myself; I’m looking to get off. If my husband is there and willing, I’ll take the plain old man, every time, with no toys, no swings, and sure as shit no saws on sticks.
I don’t like the sounds coming out of me as I read this…weeping and horror. Nope…don’t like these sounds one bit.
You know what would drown those sounds out? A saber saw.
wow….just…wow…
Jesus, I know the economy sucks, but this is ridiculous. If the guy can’t get her off and they can’t afford a vibrator then the simple answer is: find a different guy!
i like the idea. this guy should be working on solutions to fix the economy. he knows how to use whatever the fuck is laying around doing nothing to get the job done instead of wasteful spending.
would that be the oral b sonic or the crest spin brush?
Jesus three comments in two days…. how bored are you?
Except for the fact that he leaves the situation much worse than when he started.
Motherfucker! Let’s try this one more time then I give up.
This reminded me of two different things:
1) The movie Seven where the guy fucks a girl to death. Gross.
2) Real Sex series on HBO where some strrrrange men invented some even more strange concoctions of the cock.
Having said all that, I have used the following (with a condom slipped over it):
electric toothbrush
handle of hair brush
banana (not peeled and not with the pokey stem side)
*cheap cookies*
If this posts twice, I might need to kick you in the balls.
Can he still get a high five for “tearing that shit up,” or no?
I will say the same thing I said when I read about this last week or so: Whenever sex gets boring enough that you have to introduce hardcore power tools, it’s time to back up on the hedonism, Caligulia.
People are so weird. I would say that I hope it took her reproducing skills in the “accident” on the pure grounds of stupidity, but I don’t wish that on anyone really. I’m so bad at being mean. One of the most stupid things I have ever heard so far anyways.