I’m back on the Match.com dating wagon again. Last week I went on a date with a woman that is training to do a MMA fight. Basically she probably could snap my neck whenever she felt like it, which is kind of hot.
This time around I wanted to make sure that I go on high quality dates and really filter things out so I don’t end up with the body size liars or mutants. I thought about redoing my profile so I wanted to see the guys I was up against.
While I write almost daily on here I know that my posts aren’t always grammatically correct or well constructed. But when compared to the guys on match I sound like Ernest Fucking Hemingway. I went through ten pages of profiles and came up with a few theories the first one I am going to share with you today.
Theory one: If you have a picture without your shirt on you are either a prick or don’t know how to use spell check
Headline: Take a number ladies
Profile: I new that headline would get your attention. Thanks for checking me out, now here’s what’s up. I’m a fun and out going guy that is looking to go out and have some fun and maybe find someone that makes life a little sweeter along the way. I’m not looking for any high pressure situations, lets take it easy. I’m a positive person, friendly, and real. Shoot me a message if your interested in hanging out and we’ll figure everything else out later. You’ll be happier with me than you will be on the couch starring at your computer so shoot me a message and lets go out and have some fun.
My response: Does that tell you anything about him except that he “new” that headline would grab your attention? If I was a woman I would be happier with my vibrator and laptop screen than interacting with him in any type of way.
Headline: We can start slow and them get close, im not in a hurry i want to get to know you better…
Profile: This is the worsh part, you better know me in person, im not that good describing my self. im kind of romantic and i would like the same in my future match. respect is always the basic, comunication is the ABC… ant trust is a . My friends said im a keeper. are you???, so, i would like to meet someone who know what she want, someone that is interested in no head games, i dont care if you have children, i love kidds, and i get alone w/ them. i want someone who want to be w/ a MAN, thanks for your time. : )
My response: Holy freaking crap Microsoft Word just blew up. Why do people not run what they are posting online that is supposed to impress the opposite sex through a spell check? The “worsh” part of his profile his this line, “…i love kids, and i get alone w/ them.” HE WANTS TO LOVE YOUR KIDS ALONE!!!!!!
Women is this really what your choices are out there?