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Mar
19

We need to come to an agreement on Katy Perry

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/19/09 @ 7:12 am

Close to two years ago I asked your opinion on Justin Timberlake and if I should have some level of appreciation for him. Today I ask you again to help me come to a decision on Katy Perry.

In a reversal of how I usually do things I am going to lay out the negative arguments about Perry and follow them with the positive.

1) Her music is awful- Every single time I hear “I Kissed a Girl” I begin to swallow my tongue and have to be talked out of going into a full on convulsion. Raised by two Christian pastors it is like she is trying to use shocking and provocative lyrics to separate herself from her past but they aren’t really that shocking or well written. (Kind of like this blog.)

taylor-swift-miley-cyrus-and-katy-perry

2) She seems really annoying- As part of her trying to be all rebellious she does these “whacky” things. But they are whacky on the level of a junior high school kid so they aren’t really all that funny or original. I guess she is acting the age of her target audience. You can be whacky and still be entertaining… see Tracy Morgan.

katy-perry

3) I don’t know if she has a brain- When I look through gossip websites doing research for the Pop Crunch script there is always one picture of her in every photo shoot where she has this blank expression. Sure this happens to everyone but with her it is every single photo shoot. That makes me question if there is actually anyone up there.

What she has going for her

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1) She has great breasts- Her breasts are fantastic. So she has that going for her, which is nice. And really when you are young what more do you need than fantastic breasts?

katie_perrry_cake

2) She jumps in cakes- While I find most of her antics annoying the idea of jumping into a cake seems fun. Well that is until you are removing hardened frosting from your body hair.

3) She feuds with people- Besides her breasts this is probably her only saving grace. When asked to describe herself she said, “Aha, I’m like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinner version of Lily Allen!” Of course this was probably constructed by her management team so she could remain relevant and in the press.

Basically this boils down to fantastic breasts versus a massive lack of talent powered by an empty skull.

So does Pointless Banter give any respect to Katy Perry or not? You decide…

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

34 Responses to “We need to come to an agreement on Katy Perry”

  1. Meghan says:

    I happen to know a man completely obsessed with her…but that might be the breasts.

    If she jumped into my cake I would cut around her for a clean piece and then stick my fork in her…she’s done.

  2. Meghan says:

    And With that song Hot and Cold I just can’t seem to get the vision of it being a Gay Club Anthem out of my head…like a bunch of emaciated metro gay guys vogue-ing and flailing their arms.

    You know…like gay guys do.

  3. kate says:

    She makes music for gay men lol. Gay people need music too.

    I still can’t get over the fact that Travis from Gym Class Heroes dated her. I guess MC Skat Kat and whoever that chick was were right…Opposites do attract

  4. Rick says:

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure “I Kissed A Girl” is more about a gay guy not believing they would enjoy kissing one *until it totally happened.* This would jive really well with her Christian upbringing … you know, where they believe gays can be “cured” with football and Sears catalogs.

    Basically, I’d bet she’s riding a huge wave of misunderstanding all the way to the bank.

  5. Dillon says:

    I just don’t know… I kind of liked her song “Thinking of You” until the radio station played it 5 times in one driving session… it kinda makes you realize how tone-less her singing is. Then I think of her breasts and stop caring.

  6. Sgt McCorkle says:

    I think this might be slanted a bit. While reading this I can browse other pics of her and her breasts online, so naturally I want to say “yeah, give her the time of day.” . BUT then immediately after hearing her songs or watching an interview…

    I think we should just push mute and enjoy the show.

  7. gail says:

    my gay roomate had her cd right when that thing came out…and riahanna too. that shits annoying to listen to every morning.

  8. Jeremy says:

    Can’t we just talk her into porn. It’ll be easy for her.
    Vapid? Check
    Great tits? Check
    Already dives into dessert? Check
    No Talent? Check

    Sounds perfect.

  9. Lavinia says:

    Has anybody really made good music the past 3 or 4 years? Her songs are just extra lame, that’s why she’s more noticeable.

    At least she’s not worse than Lady Gaga. Has anybody here seen that bitch’s tits? I haven’t. At least Katy here, possess tremendous tits.

    lol.

  10. Justin Leon says:

    I’m shocked, she actually does this thing called “music”? I thought she was just another famous girl for no reason with great tits?

  11. Karl Rove says:

    Am I lucky, since I’ve never heard one of her songs? I know who she is, I’ve just avoided any scenario that could have me hear her music.

  12. Tits McGee says:

    Not that I’m complaining…but how come you’re the only one posting these days? Where is Slack Mistress and Matty?

    KP- I like the beat of her songs but I agree the lyrics are terrible.
    I do like how she is herself in interviews, a true pervert. I can relate. :D

    • Slackmistress only posts once a week. I don’t know where she is this week. I am sure she will turn up. Matt has been slammed with work and other things.

  13. Renee R says:

    I think she’s awesome….her music is OK…I like thinking of you a lot…but I also have serious lesbian fantasies about her….I wonder if she’d let me eat cake out of her cooch

  14. Michelle says:

    She is a waste of space. Her live performances are cringeworthy, and the last thing we need is yet another piece of talentless eye candy.

    And yes, she seems horribly annoying.

    The original I Kissed a Girl by Jill Sobule, way back in the 90’s, was far better and far less contrived and attention-seeking in nature.

    I love that everyone acted like it was SO shocking when Katy Perry did it…are you kidding me? It’s not the 1950’s. Even pre-teens aren’t shocked by girls kissing at this point.

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