The Hot Finger
When I graduated high school some of my friends were asked to play for a bar league softball team that was looking to stack the team with talented former baseball players. Well I wasn’t that talented and wasn’t asked to play that summer. The next summer when I came back from college I joined my friends on the team. Our softball team was sponsored by a bar and we were often were able to go out and drink with the team after the game. I was introduced that summer to Southern Comfort, going to work while still drunk the next morning, and doing physical labor while dealing with beer shits.
The team we played on was comprised of people that were all different ages and coming from all different walks of life. We had a guy that worked for a beer distributor, a lawyer, a carpenter, and a guy that I think just hung around sleeping with barely legal girls in trailer parks. Through this team I met people I might have never had a chance to meet and I wouldn’t have learned various lessons in life like the hot finger.
One night after a game we were at the bar eating chicken wings and having a few beers. Maurice, one of the elder statesmen on the team, received a phone call from a girl he was dating/hooking up with. Apparently she wanted Maurice to come over and she wanted him to come over NOW. The thing about Maurice was that he was a giant smart ass. He wasn’t ready to leave the bar yet and he started giving her a hard time. The joking escalated into something else leading us to sit there and listen to Maurice exchange some dirty talk with her on his cell phone.
Maurice hung up the phone and said something to the effect of, “She is going to get it.” He asked the bartender if they had any plastic gloves in the back. The bartender went out back and returned with a pair. Maurice told them he only needed one. Maurice dipped his fingers into the basket of hot chicken wings and then placed the plastic glove over the wing sauce glazed hand. He looked at all of us and announced that he was going to go to her place and give her “the hot finger”.
We don’t know what happened after he left the bar and were left to only hear second hand rumors. We don’t know where the hot finger was inserted or how many yeast infections it caused. But I think the world in general is a better place knowing a hot finger existed if only for that one night.
Ladies, what condiments would you like shoved in your vagina? (Wait maybe that wasn’t the question to ask here.)
That is just…yeah. Just when I thought regular old food play was ridiculous enough.
A stick of celery might have cooled things off nicely.
Only if dipped in Blue Cheese.
screw blue cheese, ranch all the way
…. that is insulting
Oh man, she was feeling the burn in the morning.
Sometimes we hurt the ones we love.
How hot were the wings? I mean, are we talking medium or flatliner here?
I grew up in Western, NY they don’t mess around… These were HOT
With the hot finger, I’m now certain Western NY does not mess around.
curiosity got the best of me. this is what urban dictionary says…
“Hot Finger – After eating hot wings and beers you come home to start finger banging your girl to try to get sex and she wakes up screaming because the hot suace from the wings is burning her vagina”
kinky
While I have no experience with vaginal sauce insertion, I have witnessed a tabasco asshole incident which lead to a fantastic story and a hilarious trip to the emergency room. Further details must be omitted to protect my sexuality and the careers of several TGI Fridays waitstaff.
Tabasco asshole incidents are the number one workplace accidents at TGI Fridays.
I have a similar story, except that whole on-purpose part.
http://www.theslackdaily.com/2008/03/psa.html
Sometimes you hurt the ones you love.
I would have literally kicked him in the throat for that. Or else just bought the hottest sauce I could find and squirted it in his ass while he slept…
I see an “Icy-Hot” dick, or maybe some itching powder in his underwear, but ONLY right before he was going to work.
That’s terrible. What condiments.. I’d say exactly none. I know a girl that played around in shrimp/mayonaisegoo. Dunno how it ended though. I think I’ll live happy without that knowledge.
I think that’s disgusting and degrading to women. COME ON BLUE!!!!
I’ll go for the obvious:
…. and that’s how the slogan “Finger Lickin’ Good” came to be.