"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Going to the Post Office is horribly depressing

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/11/09 @ 7:12 am

I didn’t realize until the other day when I actually HAD to go to the post office how horribly depressing of an event it had become. Growing up and through most of my life the post office had always been a hub of activity for the town. You would run into a neighbor or someone you knew and the people working there would know you overall it was a very social exercise. Now due to the rise of other shipping companies, the internet, and online banking there is very little reason to go to the post office. Each time I set foot into my local one I am the only person in there besides the other workers. (I think I have been three times in the last year.)

It has become so depressing that I actually felt bad for postal workers. Not only do these people have the most repetitive jobs on the face of the earth, so much so that it makes them snap and go on shooting sprees but now they are faced with complete and utter emptiness. So I have thought of a few ideas to make the post office fun again.

You're freaking me out man

You're freaking me out man

1) Laced stamps- Get rid of the adhesive stamps and go back to the old ones that you had to lick. Now instead of that glue that tastes like my ass lace it with something…. LSD… whatever. At least going to the post office will now be an “experience”.

Ew I opened a box with a crack whore

Ew I opened a box with a crack whore

2) Be allowed to actually ship people- How awesome would it be if you could package up a friend and send them to a random city? Imagine the fun of getting wrapped in a box and the next time you open it you could be anywhere in the world! What a fun little game to play with you and your friends.

“Shit… Indiana again?”

3) Raffles for unclaimed or lost mail- I read somewhere that mind boggling amounts of mail go each year unclaimed or unable to be mailed. What better way to put that mail to use than to raffle it off when you go to the post office? Imagine the fun you would have hoping to get a misaddressed birthday card full of cash or a package with something fun in it? Of course you could always lose out and get stuck with a letter to Santa or a Publisher’s Clearing House packet.

“What did you get?’

“Dammit… a BMG CD of the month, the Jonas Brothers. You?”

“Naked pictures of a chick that a girl is sending to her boyfriend in the Army!”



4) Spin the wheel and make a deal- Well pretty much know what we are going to pay for postage before we go. Why not make it interesting and create a wheel that we spin that will determine the postage by chance? Throw in some prizes like Victoria Secret catalogs and other random things on the wheel and now you take the routine and make it utterly sublime. I’d find a reason to mail something everyday if I knew there was a game of chance mixed with prizes. Who wouldn’t?

What would you do to make the post office more fun?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

10 Responses to “Going to the Post Office is horribly depressing”

  1. Meghan says:

    I got kicked out of a post office for trying to pass the time in line playing sword fight with the cardboard mailing tubes like you do on X-mas morning with the old wrapping paper tubes. Assholes. I was 27, but still.

    I think the lines should just be set up like corrals. Bell goes off and first one to the counter gets to be serviced. I’m tired of waiting behind people who just stand there while the workers say ‘next’ 17 times.

    • Jeremy says:

      That’s why baby Jesus invented a quick jab to the kidney. It alerts them to move and is just subtle enough to get the stupid peoples attention.

  2. David says:

    You’ve lived a charmed life and I’m so envious.

    My post office has always been a trip through hell to deal with demons behind the counter and evil wraiths in the lobby.

  3. Hire rival girl scout troops to hawk cookies while you wait in line. Eat cookies and place bets on the knife fight that’s bound to break out between the rival moms.

  4. Robot Monkey says:

    How about instead of a line or queue to wait in, there’s an obstacle course to get through? With paintball! You get shot, you have to go back to the beginning. Course, you’d probably have some pricks camping the counter and shooting people right as they exit.

  5. debbie/mistaken says:

    I like the one where ya send people…I know a few Id like to send and hoped theyd end up in the lost mail but never to be claimed. :}

  6. Bill says:

    Post Office! Oh…I thought this was gonna be some kissing game.

    My favorite line game is to not move up all the time. I’m maybe ten back in line and I let the next two or three go to the counter but I don’t move up. I can feel the line behind me scrunching closer and closer to each other like cattle as the panic starts to set in (sorry for the redundancy). They can see someone went to the counter and they are damm well going to move up. They’ll never get served if they don’t MOVE. It’s not the seven people still ahead that are delaying them, it’s that extra two feet they lost. Lost. How will they ever make that up?! Get closer! Now! NOW!

    Someday I hope the line bursts in the middle, cartoon style.


    ps: US postal rates go up May 11. Go now and avoid my, I mean, the…line.

  7. chris says:

    I know an awesome post office game that the workers could play: Try to speak english!

    Oh yeah they already do that.

    It could be worse i guess. It could be the dmv.

  8. George says:

    Postal workers are the biggest bag of assholes there are. You feel sorry for them because their job is repetative – give me a break – they should be thankful that they have a job, but they are not – they act as if it is the biggest pain in the ass in the world to put a letter in your mailbox. I’m glad that they pull out their guns and kill each other.

© 2009 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound