This Is Just Like Having Herpes. Or Worse.
Just like Herpes, when you think that it’s gone for a long time, up pop’s the entertainment industries version of a pus-oozing face-shanker. And this time, there is no Valtrex to rescue you. (Valtrex: “I have herpes…and she doesn’t…so I’m gonna take Valtrex for a while, drop some Man-onaisse in her fish hole and presto! No herpes! Even if it does cause my anus to leak! See how happy we are?”)
High School Musical 4 is back. This time, with a whole new set of characters to love and exploit for their gayness!
And I mean, why not? Sequels with entirely different casts always work, don’t they? Of course they do. Take a look at such wildly successful, box office smashing films such as:
Grease 2.
Adrian Zmed…’nuff said. Plus, anything with Christopher McDonald in it sucks donkey balls…with the exception of Happy Gilmore.
Blair Witch Two: Book of Shadows.
Never saw it, but if it was shot in the same format as the first one, I’d rather end up with the full fledged Vertigo complete with projectile vomiting and green apple splatter at the same time than see it.
2 Fast 2 Furious.
Actually, in their defense, they ALL sucked. See? I can be fair.
Jaws 3D.
American Pie Presents: Unrealistic Teenage Sex Scenarios.
Poor Eugene Levy. He goes from SCTV to Splash! to this. This guy’s agent should be shit canned. Even his son Jim, you know, the pie fucking, glued hands to the cock, two pump chump is embarrassed.
Breakin’ Two: Electric Bugaloo.
Let’s see. Two black guys (or is one of them just a dirty white guy?) that would last all of three seconds on the real streets? Check. White girl with a fat ass that would be ostracized for hanging with said black dudes (cue the “Once you go black” jokes…). Check. Recipe for success? Eh…
Poltergeist Two: The Other Side.
Okay. Relatively the same cast, sure. But, let me say this. You cannot make a horror flick sequel based upon a movie that was supposedly based on a true story. End of story. You mean to tell me that the same family moved elsewhere, and still got fucked by another mini-vans worth of horrific shit?
So, clearly you see it will work like a charm. And why not? In these times of economic disparity, unemployment, our government handing out cash to everyone that DOESN’T matter, we all could use a little more cheer in our lives. And nothing says, “Hey, it isnt all that bad” than a bunch of coddled, dancing, unathletic nancy boys and nude picture texting divas acting like High School is the single most important event in the life of everyone, am I right or am I right?
Is my sarcasm font working? Hello? Anybody there? Echo…echo…
Good Lord. I’ll have to watch this HSM4 happy crap too, when packing my asshole with a Roman Candle and sitting on a lit Weber grill sounds like heaven in comparison.
Thanks kids.
You can kill me now.
C’mon. I know some of you have much better ideas for sequels than these asshats do. What are they?
Ew. Ew. Ew. God damn it, EW! My SON is asking about this horse shit now. I think the little girl he likes talks about these shit storms. I’m not having it. And I’d like to choke lil girl’s parents.
Sequels…. Yeah, I got nothin. I hate sequels. -Excellent rant, Matty boy:)
In the Blair Witch 2’s defense, I saw the sequel not the first one. The second one was nothing like the first one, I’ve tried to watch it but I can’t get over all that camera movement. (Dare I say the sequel was better than the orginal?)
I don’t have anything good for you…but I ain’t buying High School Musical 4. It just won’t be the same.
They are making a 4th fast and furious and it has the original cast. I am assuming that Vin Diesl and Paul Walker need some cash fast, although they could just use cash4gold.
Also when I got this in my email this morning there was an advertisement for a herpes hotline in DC. I thought it was pretty funny.
Awwww mmmmaaannnnn you mean there is going to be another one? I might as well flush 20 bucks and 2 hours of my life down the toilet.
I agree with your premise…EXCEPT that Breakin’ 2 is CLEARLY the superior movie.
please let transformers 2 be good.
I gotta go with Slackmistress on Breakin’ 2…
Other than that, I enjoyed watching Adrian Zmed on Confessions of a Teen Idol hang to the bottom rung with all those OTHER dudes that weren’t really teen idols. Eric Nies and Bill Hufsey…really VH1?
I think they should take three of the worst pop-culture movies of all time and then make awesome sequels to them. It would keep people guessing, instead of (for example) just assuming that Saw V isn’t even worth renting. Let’s get on board for Waterworld 2, but start it off 20 years later (after Kevin Costner’s character choked on a puffer fish and his son–played by Christian Bale–becomes the leader of the human resistance against evil schools of great white sharks/terminators).
Ideas like these are why I should be a high-powered Hollywood player.
I like your idea Dillon, but instead of sharks/terminators I think it should be ill tempered sea bass with freaking laser beams.
Start the slow moving dipping mechanism!
Sometimes the “Ads by Google” that appear on this site are just too funny. Here’s one on this article right now:
Herpes Dating
Meet Singles with Herpes. You’re Not Alone. Join Now Free!
http://www.Singlesnet.com
Sign Me Up!!