Normally we don’t do movie reviews around here. I kind of find it pompous to tell you what I think about a movie, like it is going to have any sort of impact on if you are going to enjoy it or not. It is arrogant to presume that my taste in a film is worthy enough that you need to take note. Of course I will mock you endlessly if you don’t like something I do… Ah the sweet smell of hypocrisy.
Yesterday I decided to take the afternoon off of working and go see the Watchmen at noon. Growing up I really wasn’t a comic book kid. I owned baseball cards which made me 25% cooler than a kid with comic books. Of course I lose that advantage as soon as I admit to playing a board game centered on the baseball cards and kept stats for it. My friend and I played so many games it filled two three ring binders of loose-leaf paper. (Which explains a lot about me and finding girlfriends when I was young.)
As an adult though I have purchased two graphic novels. (Comic books for adults that are too snobby to call them comic books.) One was a Batman graphic novel that was recommended to me and the other book was the Watchmen. The Watchmen is consistently listed as not only one of the best graphic novels of the last 25 years but as one of the best pieces of literature. I was pretty excited to see the movie although the circumstances around my viewing left a little to be desired. Being in a movie theater at noon with 15 other males, all there alone except for two pairs of friends, made me feel like I should be wearing a trench coat and prepared to rub one out with my feet sticking to the floor. From there it only declined for one single reason.
A whole lot of blue CGI cock.
I shouldn’t have been surprised because in the comic they show Dr. Manhattan’s bits and pieces but there is a whole lot of difference between seeing poorly illustrated cock to swinging dick.
Every guy has drawn a penis at one point in his life, usually on the face of a friend that passed out early when drinking. So drawn flesh monsters are not shocking. But seeing a swinging CGI penis flailing about was a bit much to take especially in a theatre filled with other guys.
For half of the movie I was left comparing my junk to that of a CGI Billy Crudup. Then openly questioned if Penny Lane would be into my trouser snake as compared to his. I am still wondering if I could have laid the wood to her.
Oh yeah… The movie wasn’t bad.
Have you watched or do you even have a desire to watch Watchmen?