"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Mar
05

Everything is in 3D now, isn’t it?

By: Fred Palowakski on 03/5/09 @ 6:22 am

Having kids, I get to partake in the reluctant time honored tradition of watching what my kids watch on TV. What this means is that I get daily doses of some of the worst writing and acting in the history of television (see: iCarly, Suite Life of Zack and Cody). Yes, yes, I understand that shows like these are written for children and I as a somewhat mature, moderately intelligent adult should think these shows insipid.

The two worst actresses in kids TV since Saved By The Bell

The two worst actresses on kids TV since Saved By The Bell

But, I am forced to watch them, so I have a right to bitch.

Recently, there has been a wave of programming and movies shot in 3D. And the hype surrounding these 3D vehicles has been immense. So immense, you’d think nothing has ever been shot or shown in 3D, it is a new invention, lock onto your parents wallets kids because this ride includes the shelling out of some dollars for this new fangled idea!

What a crock of shit.

I don’t see the fascination with all this 3D crap. I let it go when during the Super Bowl, we got to witness the over-hyped ‘whatever the fuck it was’ commercial in 3D, and it was such a disappointment that I was sure it would take a back seat.

I mean, what the hell is the point of everything now having to be in 3D? It isn’t all that great, never has been.

You get to wear stupid looking glasses that make you look like an asshole…or like Elton John on acid.

You get to sit there and stare at a screen and hope that something will look different…more different than on a normal screen or page of a magazine…or

wait for it…

wait for it…

LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE WE SEE IN OUR DAILY LIVES!

Did I mention you look like a complete an utter asshole?

3d-glasses

The last straw was when I perused an article about the literary masterpiece “Tiger Beat” printing an issue of it’s magazine entirely in 3D.

What's worse, these guys or the vast number of middle aged women in attendance?

What's worse, these guys or the people that pay for them?

And, of course, those brillo pad hair having,  chick jeans wearing, no pussy gettin’ hacks known as the Jonas Brothers were the headline of this flaming turd of a magazine, because, like Al Gore and his internet, they clearly have invented 3D.

But please, douchebag executives, stop trying to recreate things that have been done before with ideas that are just as bad, if not worse, than what we have to deal with now (Captain Eo comes to mind. Wanna see Michael Jackson fondle a boys ballsac and butthole and drink Jesus Juice in 3D?)

Chalk it up to another unoriginal idea from the clueless hacks called “Disney” created to mush the brains of stupid children in order to make a fast buck.

Maybe I’m just pissed I didn’t think of the idea first. Of course, I have a soul.

Hey, jackasses! Do you want to see the Jonas Brothers in 3D? I got a great idea…

See them in concert.

Do you want to see something coming straight at you in 3D? Stand in front of me while I go all R. Kelly and take a piss on you.

rkelly

I had to add this one…hilarious still.

So, if 3D is the biggest thing now, what is the next thing these idiots will rehash?

Chappelle Show- R. Kelly I Want to Pee on You – watch more funny videos

About the author

Fred Palowakski

Fred Palowakski is wanted for the corruption and perversion of Christian Conservative minds around West Michigan in connection with several incidents involving strippers, a sleeve of Rolo's, two Armadillos and creamed corn (allegedly). Be on the look out for a man sporting Whizzinator tucked in his stonewashed Wrangler jeans driving a busted up, rust and bondo colored 1987 Japanese version Ford Festiva, Rhode Island license plate "GIGGITY".

14 Responses to “Everything is in 3D now, isn’t it?”

  1. Chris says:

    I agree with you that the whole 3D thing being treated like it’s brand new is utterly ridiculous. I went with my significant other to see the movie “Coraline” in 3D. The movie wasn’t all that bad all things considered, I’m a pretty big fan of Tim Burton. But the thing that got me was the 2 dollar charge for the special 3D glasses. On the way out of the movie they had their ushers standing there with boxes for you to recycle the glasses. I asked them if I would get my 2 bucks back for recycling them. They said no, the money was non-refundable. I put my glasses back in my pocket and kept walking.

    At least I won’t have the pay for new glasses when I go see the Jonas Brothers.

    • At first I was going to ask you what in the hell you and you SO were doing at Coraline, but then I realized that it actually looks like it would hold my attention, too. And the fact that they charged to essentially “rent” the glasses is appalling. Rat bastards.

      But the Jonas Brothers 3d movie, would, be, like OMG, so totally awesome, *hyperventilating and weeping*, like, I don’t know what I’m gonna do!

      • Chris says:

        I knew you liked the Jonas Brothers. All the hate you spew at them is just to cover up how you truly feel.

  2. Robot Monkey says:

    Don’t forget the craptastic “Drake and Josh”. My kids like that one as well. I personally prefer frontal lobotomies. They achieve the same effect but are less painful.

    • I can’t watch that show the same anymore. Drake was here in town as part of one of our radio promotions so I got to meet him and see the weasel that he really is. He was a diva and dressed like one too.

  3. Meghan says:

    The Jonas Brothers aren’t wearing ‘chick’ jeans…those are Heroin shooting, booze swilling, punk rocker, I need them this tight so I can feel my legs when I walk jeans.

    They work for someone like Scott Weiland…but only because you normally can’t see them in the mug shot or when half his body is covered up on a stretcher. On the Jonas Bros its just pathetic.

  4. Jillian says:

    You have an excellent point about 3d.

    on that same note, did you know they’re making special tvs (with videogames in mind) that PROJECT the 3d out of the actual freaking tv in exceptionally bad quality? they’re apparantly trying to do it for WoW and some other games specifically (i believe the article is in Gameinformer, the crap magazine put out by Gamestop, if you’d like to check it out.)

    that sounds even more rediculous to me.

  5. Todd says:

    OMG! If I could get Rachel McAdam in 3D I might never leave my bedroom!

Leave a Reply

© 2009 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Social Media Answers