Which Guy Freaks You Out More?
The interweb is a wonderful place full of information, entertainment, sports scores, porn, and really creepy people. I present before you for your judgment, ridicule, and entertainment two such people.
First up is my favorite eBay auction ever titled: Experience Your Fear of Clowns. Here is the auction description:
Afraid of Clowns? Ever see a movie with a creepy clown and get scared to death? Believe it or not, there are people out there who like to be scared. This idea came to me when a friend mentioned they love scary movies and the thrill it gives them. This auction is for a 3 day thrill ride through your greatest fear! ~CLOWNS~!!!! I will dress up as a clown and scare you for 3 days STRAIGHT, everywhere you go, I will follow, dressed as a clown. When you least expect it – BOOM!!! There I’ll be to creeper you out! This is something you will only want to experience once. LIVE your SCARIEST MOVIE SCENES! Included in this auction, is my travel expenses to wherever you live to give you 3 days of creepy, clowny excitement! BID NOW AND EXPERIENCE this once in a lifetime Thrill…. Are you Brave Enough? *This is meant for entertainment purposes only, no harm will come to you from this, just scariest thrill of a lifetime! Live a haunted house come to life for 3 entire days.
While that description is awesome the questions are really where the main selling points are:
Q: Would you wear a strap on dildo and dry hump my homophobic clown haiting friend? Provided I get that waver signed for you??? LOL…
A: Sure!
Q: The only clowns that scare me are drunk clowns. Would you be willing to get hammered and follow me around?
A: Only if you buy!
This guy really is a service provider. But if you really want to talk about service you have to talk about the guy over at LouisvilleFreeFace.com. Ladies if you ever were sitting around at home in the Louisville area and wanted a complete stranger to lick your holiest of spots well this is the service for you!
This site was brought to my attention months ago before it kind of made its way around the Internet and I promised not to blog about it. (Don’t ask.) While I am convinced it is a joke I secretly hope that this dude really exists. My favorite part of the site besides the application and the about me section which includes his love of medieval weaponry and IQ score are the terms of service.
You must be a woman of legal age to utilize this service. This makes complete sense. He wouldn’t want to do anymore jail time than he already as.
You must be clean. You must be disease free. Nobody wants moldy vagina.
You must be single or in an open type of relationship. He doesn’t want to be a home wrecker. Some women could possibly get addicted to this service. I am surprised he doesn’t warn that you shouldn’t try this service if you are pregnant.
I must think you are cute. My mom always used to say, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” When you start a site on the internet in order to get girls to let you lick their vagina I think you fall into the beggar category.
You must be nude. This is for all you uptight women that want to keep your shirt on.
You should let your friends know about your experience if you have a good time. This intrigues and frightens me all at the same time. Does he envision a bunch of women sitting around drinking appletinis and sharing their personal stories about LouisvilleFreeFace.com? Or is it more like this:
Woman A: I haven’t had my stink ditch munched on in months.
Woman B: Oh I have a guy for that, let me give you his card.
If you enjoy your experience, please let me have some type of referral that I can put on my site. “I was so desperate for oral pleasure that I found this freaky guy on the internet. Risking my health, personal safety, and sanity I decided to reach out and let him stick is tongue in my slip and slide. It was the best experience of my life, so much so I am writing this recommendation for everyone in this small city to see.”
Which guy is creepier? And ladies who wants their own local free face franchise?
What is wrong with moldy vagina? Guy Ritchie and half of the Soho district of London has been dealing with that for years with Madonna.
“Stink ditch”. That’s good stuff right there.
Stink Ditch is just a classy term.
Totally classy. I especially love the animated tongues on that guy’s page. It really offers an aspect of professionalism in his line of work. Awesome.
And the tongues just show off pure web design skill.
And the learning continues “Stink Ditch”
I think I know that dude. Yeah I do. Isn’t he on every episode of Cops wearing a wife beater? Or was that beach Force poeeing on the cop?
he does look like every guy they chase out of a meth trailer on cops… except that he has like a vampire costume or something.
Personally, I find “pudding hatch” to be a more socially accepted term.
I believe this is a trick question. I think it’s the same guy, so the answer is “both”. What would be creepy is he morphed the two together and became creepy clown guy who orally pleasures the ladies.
It would be like on Spiderman where she removes his mask to kiss him. Except it is a creepy clown mask and his tongue won’t be going in Kirsten Dunst’s mouth.
Yikes, there’s an image. And probably already out there on the internet.
Are you sure they aren’t the same guy? Without even putting the pics side-by-side, I can see, and feel, the resemblance.
I’m thinking twins separated at birth, one raised by badgers and the other sold to the circus. DNA testing is in order, in fact it’s screamed for in these 2 cases.
DNA DNA DNA! Having them in a national database is just smart.
All I know is this: ColumbiaFreeFace will be onling in a matter of minutes.
Also, online.
I hope he shows up.
Free Face guys is creepier but by the slimmest of margins and only because he kinda looks like Kid Rock.
Does that make him creepier or dirtier?
Both. I mean looking like a redneck is kinda dirty and creepy, but being a Kid Rock look a like takes it to another level.
Maybe this guys real reason for doing this is because some girl gave him the gift that keeps on giving (herpes) and he is using this site to get back at all the females of the world by giving them herpes starting with Louisville.
Yeah, all we need is Kid Rock advertising D-TownFreeFace.com”…
It’s all starting to come together.
Louisville wins the Match!
Modest of him to admit ‘I have been out of practice for awhile…’, could that be because he was incarcerated? In the pic it looks like he is leaving a courthouse…my guess is he has a manila envelope in his hand with his possessions still in tact from County.
Or maybe he has just been too busy collecting his transformer toys, medieval weaponry and pursuing his goth church hobbies to lick any quality snatch.
I’d love to see the list of REJECTED Applications.
I would like to see one application period.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…. stinkditch.
Yours is roses of course.
Probably the best blog in a while.
And I’d say the second guy is more creepier. He looks like he’s been visited by the PedoBear a few times.
Probably hang out together.
Ahhh, “slip and slide” — can I use that if I pay royalties?
Also, just to clarify, are we voting on all three guys pictured above the Related Posts section?
In his about me section, the third pic on the right is SO funny.
I want to see testimonials about the guy! Obviously not ’cause I’m interested. I think he’s real… I looked at his myspace page (I figured I could squeeze a few extra laughs out of this).
Oh you are interested… liar.
This is interesting. The first guy, not so creepy, I mean yeah he dresses as a clown and follows you around for cash. THE ECONOMY SUCKS gotta do what you gotta do for some extra crack money. But a guy offering oral sex…to anyone, he’s a walking herpee ready to explode rape and kill his clients ect ect.
Herpes is just a disease created by the government to scare people from having sex. Or so I read.
LOL I’d love to read that artical, because if thats the case Im moving to Louisville LOL j/k, that dude, I wouldnt give him the time of day Im too cute for him…even if it is free oral
No, no, no. The rightmost picture of him is the best advertisement.
Well, that and this line in his bio:
“Collections: Transformers (the toys), Swords & Medieval weaponry (temporarily out of my possession)”
@< : )