I can no longer watch the news anymore because each time I do I have to contemplate sticking my head in the oven, fortunately my large melon doesn’t fit in a toaster oven. Watching the first twenty minutes of it has gotten to be such a depressing experience that it ruins my day. At this point everything is doom and gloom, which is why I decided to take the time and write only positive new updates today from my personal life.
News Item 1- I ended a massive shit and finished the article I was reading in Rolling Stone at the same time. Sometimes the little things in life are enough to keep you going. Usually I have the awkward thing where I am not done with the article so I have to choose to sit there or come back later. (Once the magazine is in the bathroom it doesn’t come out.) This has led to my leg falling asleep and me crashing into the wall.
News Item 2- I made out with a girl without having to pay for it or slipping her any type of drugs. (And as far as I know she wasn’t a transvestite.)
News Item 3- There is no soap scum in my bathtub. Apparently if you use dryer sheets to clean your tub if there is any soap scum build up it comes right off. You could easily eat off of my tub if you ignore the body hair build up towards the drain.
News Item 4- Hup and Steph are getting married. Long time readers might remember the event where I was virtually stalked by Hup when he added me to every social networking profile on the face of the earth. I ended up having an obsession with Hup’s hot girlfriend Steph. (Why am I telling you all this you can just read the blog.)
I ended up meeting Hup at a conference in Las Vegas and the guy is totally legit. Really nice, knows his shit professionally, funny as hell, and he was wearing a tux t-shirt. In other words he was my kind of dude. (Like to have a beer with not to have an elicit affair and watch Broadway musicals together… Not that there is anything wrong with that.) Recently they have gotten engaged and I just wanted to congratulate them. Here are some of their engagement photos:
News Item 5- The economy is in a death spiral where it hasn’t hit rock bottom, the auto industry is done, baseball is crooked, there are no jobs, we are going to have such a massive debt that we will never repay it, we are all going to die from eating/drinking everything, and Limp Bizkit has reunited. Nooooooooooo. I don’t know how this slipped in there.
Share some good news in your life or talk about how hot Steph is…