Yesterday I read that Octo-Mom was offered a deal where she would be paid one million dollars to do a porn movie. If she signed a multi-picture deal the company would also give her health benefits for her 1.5 million children. I was mortified when I read that, not because it was degrading but because I have no interest in seeing her naked.
If she is out for a quick buck here are some suggestions for her:
Grand Canyon- After squeezing out so many kids her vagina is no longer like throwing a hot dog down a hallway it is like throwing a golf pencil into the Grand Canyon. So why not let people hike down the sides of her vagina and camp out in the floor of it? Donkey rides should also be an option.
Son: Look dad I found her sanity.
Dad: No son that is her vulva.
Horrible Angelina Jolie Look Alike- On MTV there is a show called True Life that documents the lives of various people. A few years back there was a woman that was an Anna Nicole Smith impersonator. The thing was she looked nothing like her except for being blonde, overweight, and having massive boobs. It was the equivalent of me saying I am a Colin Farrell impersonator because we are both white, have dark hair, and fuck our lives up all the time. The crazy thing was there were people dumb enough to pay her money. Nadya Suleman should just start going around on the celebrity impersonation circuit; she looks like a transgendered Angelina Jolie and who doesn’t want that at their car show?
Surrogate Mother for the Machines in the Matrix- The one thing I never got about the Matrix is where they kept getting the humans from to feed off of? I am sure they had some complex sperm milking and in vitro fertilization process. Why not just have the machines pull the kids out of her every 9 months? I mean it is obvious she likes being pregnant she can hold more than one at a time and with their complex technology I am sure she can jam another 6 or 7 in there.
Milk Supplier for Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream- Remember last year when PETA wanted Ben and Jerry’s to use human breast milk? Let’s hook her up to a few machines and drain her. Of course the side effects of using her milk will probably make the population insane, drugged up, and baby crazy. I guess it won’t be that bad it would be like any woman over 30 on an internet dating site.
Do you have any job suggestions for her?