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The Five Hottest Political Pundits

By: Bobby Finstock on 02/24/09 @ 7:30 am

While I don’t really talk about politics on this blog I have always been a close follower. Having my undergraduate degree in history with a minor in political science I geek out over the political process and how things work. One of the negative bi-products of this is that more and more I find myself attracted to these people. (Aka they have made it into my spank bank.)


5) Trish Regan- Alright she isn’t a pundit but Trish has been all over the place on the NBC networks recently and made an appearance in a dream I had that involved a snorkel, Smucker’s Strawberry Jam, and a Richard Nixon mask. (Note to self: Never watch “Point Break” while eating toast before going to bed.)


4) Ann Coulter- Two words: Donkey Punch (actually she probably would be into that)

If Hitler, Charles Manson, Paris Hilton, and Ann Coulter were in a burning building and I had to save one person I would be talking myself into Manson and saying, “He wasn’t that bad a guy.”

(Why in this metaphorical question am I forced to save one person? I have no idea just go with it.)


3) Chuck Todd- My obsession with Todd is not a sexual one or some lustful attraction. I honestly just want to concoct a plan to abduct him and put him in a cage so I can have geeky political discussions with him on a whim. Perhaps I should secretly hope that he is looking for a roommate and I move in. Changing my hair color, doing a little comb over look, and growing a goatee I hang around the house in a suit all day perhaps showing up on “Hardball” unannounced when he is a guest making Chuck feel really uncomfortable. (Please note: Chuck Todd isn’t actually in my spank bank, this was just a joke… okay maybe one time but I was hammered.)


2) Amy Holmes- Two conservatives on this list to keep things a little balanced and the first person of a different race. I have never slept with an African American woman before and I don’t know if Holmes would count as one. Most black people would probably disagree that Holmes is related to them but I dig that. (Outcasts are easier to bed, see drama club participants.) Personally I disagree with 78.5% of the stuff that comes out of her mouth and at times thinks she is a hateful person. Why the attraction? I think maybe her wayward lower snaggle teeth have hypnotized me.


1) Ana Marie Cox- The former wonkette and time.com editor has been on the Rachel Maddow show often and I have to say that there is something about a snarky redhead that has a shit ton of pictures of her hammered online. Sure she is married, lives in Washington, and seems to like powerful men, which makes it pretty illogical that we would ever hook up. (As opposed to rest of the list.)


However when I see pictures like these I think to myself, “Myself… you totally could get hammered with her and have a shot at an awkward make out session in a hallway leading to a restroom.” It is thoughts like these that keep me going.

What news person/political pundit are you irrationally attracted to?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

32 Responses to “The Five Hottest Political Pundits”

  1. clientsideshowbob says:

    This appeared in my RSS, but I couldn’t find it on the site…

    I have to agree with Trish Regan, but Ann Coulter! Are you f’ing crazy? She is!

    I’m sure the ladies will eventually comment with their love for Anderson Cooper or John King. Have you ever seen the morning show on CNN with Robin Meade? Def worth adding to the bank.

  2. David says:

    Virtually anyone of the females on Fox news (Outside of Greta). The top however is Megyn Kelly. I blame her for ruining may bowls of Captain Crunch!!!

  3. kate says:

    Your right…. there is an air of sexuality about Wolf Blitzer. Were you drunk when you wrote this?

  4. Karl Rove says:

    This is one blog I can get behind. Yes, I even agree about Ann Coulter, as much as it pains me to say it.

  5. natalie says:

    anderson cooper may indeed be a homosexual but that doesn’t stop me from being attracted to him

  6. E says:

    Chris Regan looks like a brunette un-fucked-up Tara Reid, and Ana Marie Cox looks like a red-haired, un-fucked-up and snaggletoothed Kiersten Dunst.

    Maybe it’s not the politics you like, it’s that you want girls who look like celebrities, only shorter on the fucked up, longer on the brains? (No, I didn’t mean that in a zombie way.) You could even kind of say that Ann Coulter looks a little like a cross between Heather Mills McCartney and Christine Taylor (Ben Stiller’s wife), only the antichrist; Chuck Todd kind of looks like a shorter, fatter Tom Green; and Amy Holmes looks like Scary Spice, minus some of the scary, plus some cute-as-a-button.

  7. bethany says:

    I have had a crush on George Stephanopoulos ever since he was on the Clinton campaign and then, when he was the press secretary.

    I have a somewhat crush on Paul Begala.

    These are totally irrational and Paul went down on my meter because he supported Hillary SOOOO much.

    And, honestly? I kind of crush on Mike Huckabee.

    Gone, but not forgotten: Tim Russert.

    And, I can see the appeal of Chuck Todd. Why?! Oh WHY?!?! Isn’t he the moderator of Meet the Press?

    But, I don’t think you’re surprised by my list.. ;o)

  8. I have to agree with David that the women on Fox News give me a boner every time that they talk about bush:)

  9. Wolf says:

    These are good (except Coulter-Ethiopian Fake Blonde), but I dare you to take on the business sector’s reporters…TONS in this lot of hotties!

    Go on with your bad self.

  10. Branwyn says:

    Simply put: The big guy himself. *sigh* If you’re going to be irrational about something, why not crush on the pres? Just for reference, my last name is not Lewinsky….lol! (they’re actually trying to find her a white house job again. Unbelievable)

  11. Meghan says:

    Ann Coulter…I love Jim Norton’s joke about wanting to bend her head backwards over a couch and mouth f^ck her. (Insert gagging sound *here*).

    He’s just a lowly NBC Reporter, but my long standing crush on Brian Williams only runs deeper now that I know how funny he is.

  12. Obama '12 says:

    Hilarious (and sexy) list. Although there are quite a few hotties you are leaving off… I can’t remember their names. The red head is delicious though. I’m not sure I’ve seen her…

  13. I’m straight. Like, wasn’t a college lesbian straight.

    At yet I’d dine at the pink cafe for Rachel Maddow.

    • I love Rachel Maddow but knowing that she doesn’t play on the same team had me exclude her from the list. Although I think I could make her switch… (most delusional thing I have ever written.)

  14. Jeff says:

    Anne Coulter is disgusting.

  15. cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    Actually your note to slef should read: Never watch “Point Break”. period.

    Ann Coulter? Seriously? There is a board in my fence with a knot hole in it. You can have it. I think you would have a better time and not have to hear here talk.

  16. mistaken/debbie says:

    I am w/o cable or the basic tv channels who in the heck is Chuch Todd?

  17. mistaken/debbie says:

    I was meanin to ask…what’s that in your mouth? or is it you pain to see us read your blog? I tease Seriously curious minds wanna know. ;}

  18. Katherine says:

    Chris Hayes!

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