The Real Reason Behind Rihanna Being a Punching Bag
You know, it has been a topic since the weekend, kind of, but not really. Sure there have been articles written about it on TMZ, E! Entertainment, People…the usual gossip rags that will vilify Chris Brown for being a pansy ass jealous chick beater and will raise Rihanna up from the ashes as a person that did not deserve the beat down she allegedly received. Not one delves into the matter at hand, though, or the reasoning behind the assault.
Surely there is a reason right? Like did she use her teeth? Did she not refuse to give him a Hot Lunch? Was there a kick to the balls involved? What was it? Nothing. Zilch. We don’t know shee-it.
Oh, a text message. Whatever.
But, I have a theory nobody is talking about that might shed some light on Chris Brown’s anger that built leading up to his jab-jab-right cross-jab-left hook-right uppercut throw-down with his “Shawty”. And that theory is…
Have any of you heard Rihanna sing or ever listened to her songs lyrics? Good almighty stinky Pete, I don’t know the woman and I want to throw her out of my Lamborghini (Geo Metro) too.
Meh...same thing and you know it.
She strikes me as just a hot chick that revels in her abilities, probably has been told that she is beautiful over and again, had everything handed to her, was told she has a terrific voice and is gonna be a huge star someday. After a person hears that a little while, they believe it. It happened with Sanjaya “Gerbils Are Fun” Malakar and look at what that ten missing chromosome fucker did? He’s made hundreds of dollars since.
Which leads me to believe that Chris Brown beat her senseless for one reason…he was forced to listen to her “Album of the Year” Grammy nominated tracks all the time, because, you know she is, like, so awesome.
All I know is this. If I had to drive around town and listen to her sing the most insipid, poorly written songs ad nauseum all day long, eventually, I would have built up enough resentment and anger toward her that even I wouldn’t even think twice about it. You want some Disturbia? You got my left knuckles in your grill. And I am the most patient human being on planet earth courtesy of three ADHD kids under the age of 7 (and the pain caused by my chronically chafed penis from my masturbation addiction to Catholic School girl-type photos on Flickr).
Do you want proof that I am not making this theory up, that this is an exact science? Go and listen to her Umbrella song. If you can single out the voice track, even better. If you don’t want to strangle kittens by the end of that one a few times, more power to you. I’ve heard better Karaoke at the ‘Cougar a Go-Go Grill and Holding Pen’ on a lonely Sunday night. I’ve heard better top-of-the-ass-crack squeaky farts better than this Rihanna hack.
If you think she is so awesome, you can take your umbrella-ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh-eh-ella-ella and bum-bum-bee-dum-dum your ass outta here.
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Holy sarcasm, Batman! And this should be taken as such. Well, everything but her not having any talent. I’m serious about that. I am not condoning the abuse of women so relax. No need to throw my nuts between the bumpers of a Mack Truck and a School Bus. 3MTA3.
She is pure gold. The last great singer of our time and yet you dare mock her? There is a special place in hell for you espcially since you commit the sin of Onan to girls dressed in the uniform of the schools of the holy father.
Ok, I guess I will finish this beer and listen to my Vanilla Ice Cd.
The sin of Onan? Holy shit that’s good.
Remember, Vanilla himself said that because there was an extra “sss” in “Ice Ice Baby” that it was completely different than Queen’s “Under Pressure”. So you know.
Do try to raise the bar sometimes.
You’re an idiot. She doesn’t have half the talent of a piece of my crap. She deserved her beating for polluting the airwaves with the noise she calls music!
finally! someone else besides me that can’t stand her singing. as for her alleged beat down…its sad that it happen but there is two sides to every story. everyone is quick to jump on the “i hate chris brown for what he did” bandwagon.
Like I said, we don’t know why it happened. Maybe she received a text that called him a butthole lover and it was the 300th time it happened?
(Regardless, despite her being a horrible singer, that kind of shit shouldn’t happen for any reason, if that was what happened.)
Regardless of her music (which by the way I can’t stand). There is no excuse for beating up a woman. Regardless of the reason it happened at the end of the day if that was your mum, sister, aunt or any female relations you will not find it funny or say the same things you are saying now.
Things like this happen in home’s all over the world. Domestic violence is something that should not be rewarded because it is plain wrong! If it happened in your family, and you had to see your mother take a beaten over minor or major things, you would feel and treat this situation differently.
actually it did happen in my family. i cant tell you how many times i called the cops on my stepdad for hitting my mom and on my mom for hitting my stepdad. thats why i said there is always 2 sides to every story.
how do you know what happen? how do you know she hasnt hit him before? maybe he got fed up with her hitting on him and hit her. or maybe him witnessing his mom getting beat by her bf affected him and he shows his anger by hitting. we don’t know. we werent there. we don’t know what happens behind close doors.
like i said…its sad that it happen but unless you know the facts and were actually there. don’t point the blame at anyone.
The problem with him beating her is that its sheds a brighter light on her which means more sales of her shitty music and she becomes even more popular.
I blame the media for this kind of crap, instead of trying to educate people on not commiting violence on fellow human beings, they glorify it and make money off of it.
The last thing we need is more sales of this tarts stuff. I agree with that.
Oh, look at you, being all “don’t look at me, look over here!” But your attempt to distract the investigation with bright shiny objects has had no effect. We all KNOW the text message in question was, in fact, sent by you. “Dump the bitch, make the switch”, it read. Wacky chaos was bound to follow.
Except that Chris Brown did the remix of Umbrella. Called Cinderella-ella-ella…and it is, if possible even more annoying. And I’m pretty sure that I don’t give a flying fuck what his reason was, we don’t hit (that’s where I would slap that little shit in the back of his head.)
Eh, so she sing through her nose and looks more and more like a Bratz doll everytime I see her picture…. but she’s my country-woman damnit and I’ll not have you talk bad ’bout her… *jab jab upper cut*
(actually, if you can find a way to convince my 7 year old and her friends Ri Ri is lame so I won’t have to listen to that shit sung further off key that Ri Ri herself sneezes it…. you can say what you want about her
)
Ugh. I thought sarcasm was supposed to be funny.
Just because something is presented as humor, doesn’t make it right to say. There is already enough propensity to blame women for domestic violence, that we don’t need another voice saying it’s true…even if it is a “joke.”
Ummmmmm>>>>>>Im Jst Tryin to figure out whut da real reason iz,,,, i dnt tnk she really gve em herpes!
Wait, he was cheating on her with Sanjaya?
Chris Brown didn’t do it!!!!!!!!!!! Where is Chris Brown marks? Exactly, Rihanna didn’t fight back.
Its good idea blog,i like its and will followed you blog.
I love tasteless humor. I think you can make fun of stuff that people don’t find funny. Fr’example, I loved Bobby Finstock’s post about Banging Casey Anthony.
But this just feels like I pulled back the curtain and found Joe Francis’ Id. Yuck.
I agree. Tasteless humor is some of the hardest humor to get right. But “Finstock and the Gang”© get it spot on every time.
I’m so clueless that I have to ask…is that good or bad, slackmistress?
I wasn’t a fan of this one. But I respect your right to write it.
That said, the sentiment behind this article “her music is bad and therefore she deserves to have the crap beaten out of her” is one that’s being touted as serious across the Internet in a non sarcastic manner. People are actually that retarded.
If we got to punch in the face everyone responsible for teeny bopper crap, I’d constantly sport two black eyes.
I heard the same thing about the black eyes, but for a totally different reason.
And it may or may not have something to do with balls.
Awwwww. Rihanna probably was just sitting there and got bashed up for no reason! !
!
Remember how people were all, “It’s too soon for 9/11 jokes”?
Ahem.
Maybe now she has gotten some “life lessons” to give her some writting fotter for her next album and it will be slightly less ear splitting.
I truly appreciated this post.
Where else would I find someone who can master the art of wielding poor writing in a fashion that rivals an illiterate school of mackerel trying to write a news report for the New York Times?
Only here, evidently. And It is profoundly inspiring that at the same time, the talented writer manages to turn something as serious and personal as domestic abuse into a mockery of the victim’s career.
Because if it were the writer’s relative or friend that had been beaten senseless–I’m pretty sure he’d just crack the hell up if he were to see an article posted on how they must have gotten beaten to a pulp because their lasagna tastes life ass and socks.
Never has poor taste been so nauseatingly executed–but that’s good! It was the point I’m guessing…It must have been.
Take care, and may you be blessed by whatever you believe in.
..=]