Sorry I have been behind in getting this up. Here are the entrants for the Dentyne “Take Back Valentine’s Contest”
Entry One From Michelle:
I have a fake fern in my office (I stole it from our accounting group) and decorated it with heartwarming Valentine\’s day garb, like signs that say “it’s not me, it’s you”, dead cupid, “screw Valentines day, I ’m waiting for the discount chocolate on the 15th” and the like. We’re having a food/alcohol day at the office on the 13th, I’m participating in order to celebrate Friday the 13th, not Valentines day. Not that I won’t miss Valentines day, I will miss getting a big box of chocolates that I don’t even like from my ex (how many times do you have to say ’pixies are gross, please don’t buy those again’?). Sorry, disgusting chocolates don’t get you laid.
Valentine’s day evening is usually spent with a bunch of my friends at my house watching tv and celebrating being single by drinking until they think the broom standing in the corner is really hot, and could I introduce them? Or we go spend the evening at the pool hall with everyone else who is enjoying their singularity, or who have somehow conned their significant others into spending the evening at a pool hall instead of in bed. I really do appreciate their effort.
Entry Two from star commenter Karl Rove:
To be honest, I’ve never been much of a Valentine’s Day kind of guy. Sure, in years past I’ve enjoyed buying you nice gifts, just to see your face light up on February 14th. But I’ve come to realize that your face doesn’t light up. Instead you say things like “A 1/100 carat diamond ring? I didn’t even know they made them that small,” and “Why did you buy me a box of condoms?” Maybe it’s because I have needs too. Did you ever think of that?
That’s why instead of Valentine’s Day this year I will be celebrating “Get Your Own Damn Money” Day. I can understand why some people wouldn’t “get” my holiday. I know it’s high concept. But people (particularly a certain wife) need to figure out that it’s my damn money! Maybe when you stop taking care of the freakin’ kids for a minute you can get a job and make your own damn money! The kids will be fine. The dog will watch them.
At this point I guess I should explain a little about what we do on “Get Your Own Damn Money” Day. First of all, we sleep in late. It’s a Saturday and I work 6-hour shifts at Denny’s the rest of the week. I need my rest. Secondly, we don’t go out to a fancy restaurant to eat. In fact, we don’t go to any restaurant, or even a grocery store. We eat whatever is in the house. I know we haven’t gone shopping in a while, so we’re running low on food, but I’ve heard that peanut butter and baked bean sandwiches were delicious. The dog seemed to like them.
What I’m getting at is, we don’t spend any money on “Get Your Own Damn Money” Day. Unless it’s something I really want.
Look, I do feel bad that you won’t be getting flowers or condoms this year (believe me, I feel really bad about the condoms) but “Get Your Own Damn Money” Day means a lot to me. As my wife, you should understand that. I don’t tease you about your made-up holidays, like Hanukkah. I mean seriously, what the hell is a Maccabee?
Your Loving Husband
P.S. For the record, I do still expect you to help me celebrate Steak and a Blowjob Day. Thanks!
Here are the posts that were written on other sites:
From Blogger Newbie: What Has Become of Valentine’s Day
From Cooper: An Alternative Valentine’s Day
From Amy: Wanna Get Your Heart On
From James Warren: A Valentine’s Day Alternative
From Franca: To All the Anti-Valentine’s Day People Out There
From Mark Jabo: It’s Valentine’s Day Whoo-Hooo
And the winner of the $350 Patagonia Gift Card: Cooper.
Thanks to everyone who participated and I thanks to Dentyne for sponsoring the contenst.