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5 T-Shirts That People Regret Owning

By: Bobby Finstock on 02/17/09 @ 7:05 am

Growing up we all have encountered fashion trends that we have been less than proud of for participating in. While it is easy to pick on leg warmers, jelly shoes, and other ill-conceived fashion trends the one that gets left alone are t-shirts. Today I want to look at five different types of t-shirts that people regret owning. While I might not have owned all of these five I had “friends” that did. Here is a look back at some vintage t-shirts.

CoEd Naked- Nothing says sexy like double entendre based around a common activity. The CoEd naked shirts have covered sports, programs, and activities. The question I have is has any guy ever picked up a woman wearing one. Is there an additional degree of difficulty in doing that if you are wearing a shirt that says, ”CoEd Naked Law Enforcement: Against the wall and Spread Em”?


Hyperpcolor- Hypercolor was a line of t-shirts that changed color when you touched them with something really warm or cold. The debuted in the late 80s and were semi popular in the early 90s. My friend Jeff had one and I had to say the thing never worked. Although I am sure there were a lot of females that had their breast groped in order to see if those shirts really worked.


You know… they made shorts maybe I should invest in a pair or two.

The regrettable band shirt- Just about everyone I that I know that has been to a concert owns a regrettable band t-shirt. This is a t-shirt that you just can’t throw away because of the memories it holds but will probably never wear it again. Well unless it becomes a cool retro t-shirt to wear than you will be trying to sell it on e-bay and saying that the hole in the armpit adds to it’s authenticity.


Big Johnson T-Shirts- If you think the CoEd Naked line was tacky just wait until you see it’s competitor Big Johnson. I really think the whole creative meeting went like this.

Executive 1- We need a new t-shirt design.
Executive 2- How ‘bout a shirt with women with big ole titties and a dorky guy talking about a business but he really means his cock.
Executive 1- It is better than those happy face t-shirts we haven’t been selling since 1981. Let’s run with it.


No Fear- I am going to come clean right now and admit that I owned two No Fear T-shirts. One of them said, “Second Place is the First Loser…. NO FEAR.”


This probably explains why I didn’t have a real girlfriend until my junior year of high school.

What are some t-shirts you regret ever owning? Have you ever owned any of the above?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

74 Responses to “5 T-Shirts That People Regret Owning”

  1. cigar smoking, beer drinking lawyer says:

    Ok I have/had a big Johnson and coed shirts. the rest nope. Actually I might still have them in a box somewhere.

    • We’ve all made mistakes… I still regret my No Fear t-shirt to this day… And the reason why I didn’t own a co-naked one… My mom wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t get a “Cocks” hat either.

      • stan says:

        Hooray for your momma not sending you out on the streets looking like 49% of all the other douchebags of our time.

        A Cocks hat. Unreal. Seriously, the only guys I knew that wore those hat STILL think that Larry the Cable Guy’s material is fresh and funny as hell.

  2. Robot Monkey says:

    What’s funny is when I saw the entry title, I immediately thought, “I wonder if they’ll have Big Johnson or No Fear.” And sure enough…

    I can happily say I’ve never owned any of these or any in the line of shirts. Interesting personal note: back around 1999, a friend of one of my friends who I knew and sometimes hung out with, had a T-shirt idea he wanted me to design and help him promote. His idea was make it up and go to major Spring Break venues and sell these things? The idea: “Phat Cock”. Kinda in the same vein as the “Big Johnson” thing full of double entendres and visual jokes all with a cartoony rooster. I’m sure this was a million dollar idea that I passed on but I figured there was enough evil in the world with murder, Nazis (Godwinized!) and No Fear shirts.

  3. Meghan says:

    I’m sticking with my ‘Drink Apple Juice, Because OJ Will Kill You.’ – Picture of a White Bronco. T shirt from your post yesterday.

  4. Alexis says:

    I was such a cool kid in the 10th grade with my “See Dick Drink, See Dick Drive, See Dick Die” tshirt…

  5. Tori says:

    I WISH I had a Journey t-shirt. Damn. But no, even when I was a kid, I thought that No Fear was retarded, and Big Johnson was a) ugly and b) tacky. as. fuck. Not that I was stylin or anything – I sure was rocking the stretch pants and giant Mickey Mouse t-shirts.

  6. LightGrenade says:

    I remember hypercolor, lol. I guess I was a little behind some of this stuff, but when I started shopping at Big and Tall stores, I immediately bought every “Big Daddy” shirt they had. My favorite? “Big All Over”. It was the year I discovered self deprecating humor!

    • Think I could borrow that shirt?

    • Guysohigh says:

      I had a ton of Big Daddy shirts. So much so, it became my nickname in high school. Luckily enough, never did get a Big Johnson shirt, but I did have a No Fear shirts I would wear under my uniform for football. Oh well, can’t win em all

  7. Robot Monkey says:

    A shirt I wore proudly at the time of these shirts heyday was a Seinfeld shirt that just simply said “Master of my domain”.

    I love good witty T-shirts. Here’s a couple I own:

    “Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.”
    “New Mexico–cleaner than regular Mexico”
    “Fat kids are harder to kidnap”
    “South Korea has Seoul”
    “Meat Is Murder. Tasty, tasty murder.”

  8. E says:

    After I read first paragraph and before the rest, I said to myself “Hypercolor, Big Johnson, No Fear.” Seriously. My other choice would be the “Big Dog” T-shirts. And Tie-Dye T-shirts. Although I have a tie-dye Jim Morrison T-shirt that I won’t get rid of. For girls, any T-shirt with shoulder pads is gross. Or the ones with puffy paint designs on them. And I detest men (usually fat and nerdy ones) who wear black T-shirts with elaborate paintings of wildlife on them (usually wolves.) What the hell is that?

    • E says:

      And I would like to include adults who wear Disney clothing. I don’t care who you are, it’s not cute. It’s fine when you’re actually IN Disneyland with your kids, I guess, but not ever outside the park. Eww. Or any adult who wears clothes with cartoons. Why is it always big fat women with no teeth who have a huge tweety bird T-shirt that’s all stretched out of shape and a matching tweety tattoo on their boob that’s all stretched out of shape too?

      • A) I totally forgot about the Big Dog Line… that should be included
        B) You are totally correct about Adult’s wearing Disney clothing. It should be outlawed.

  9. Thomas says:

    There was a line of counter-marketed shirts called “fear nothing” that was mostly for high-school kids that didn’t play sports.

    I had one for marching band that said, “If you walk to the beat of a different drummer then you’re probably out of step.”

    I take pride in my geekdom, fucker.

  10. Melissa says:

    My dad bought me a complete set of Bear Whiz Beer shirts when I was in high school. Not so bad if you were a guy, but a girl?! No way was I wearing those in public. I had to keep telling him that I didn’t want to ruin them since he bought them for me. Big Johnson was a little after my time, more my younger brother’s scene.

    I do love my band shirts, but since I like bands that don’t suck neither do the shirts :P ~

  11. Hoeanna says:

    Are you talking shit about my Ratt concert tee from 1989?? I love that shirt! I have a tee that is written likr the Trix ceral writting and it says “silly fagot dixs are for chix”…does that count??

  12. Hoeanna says:


  13. When I was in school (which is around the time Dr. Ruth was relevant) it was all Panama Jack and FRANKIE SAYS RELAX.

    My guess is Frankie would have relaxed allll over that Panama Jack.

  14. Taylor Blue says:

    I had a hypercolor tshirt…and yes on the days I wore it I was mighty popular. I should have had one for every day of the week.

  15. Sutton says:

    How about the slogan Tshirts that were popular around 1999ish? Dr. Pecker and Mount and Do are 2 that come to mind.

  16. matt says:

    good post. my favorite was my D.A.R.E. shirt (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), probably a local thing for SE Michigan, but i remember all the druggies were wearing them later in life in irony.

    ironic t-shirts aren’t funny anymore, though. :/

  17. Too embarrassed to say says:

    I am still embarrassed I bought an And How’s Your Bush/Buttweiser t-shirt at Venice beach once.

  18. PitterPatterPat says:

    I agree that anything Disney is a nightmare, especially when worn by adults. I cannot stand FBI- Female Body Inspector t-shirts. Also, matching air-brushed t-shirts with names on it are awful.

  19. TDubb says:

    I always remembered my “Religions of the World” shirt with all the different religions saying shit happens.

    Or my “Orgasm Donor” shirt

  20. Trevor says:

    “see it’s competitor” –> “see its competitor”
    “to it’s authenticity” –> “to its authenticity”

  21. Christian Felina-Peart says:

    The guy on the big johnshon shirt looks like the children’s tv show character Arthur.

  22. Trisha says:

    I have never seen any of those; well except the Journey one. I had a KISS one once but I ended up cutting it up and using it as rags to clean house.

    I did have one that said “I’m trying to find myself, have you seen me lately?”.

    My busty Jewish girlfriend always has a couple of funny ones- on Christmas hers said “Jew Lo” and another time she had an apple on each breast and it said “How Ya Like These Apples”.

    The worst was my almost father-in-law; he got one in Hawaii with a university looking crest that said
    “Comeoniwannaleiu”. Eeewww That is one of the top 5 reasons I called off the engagement.

  23. Steve says:

    In the 90’s everyone on this side of the pond seemed to own either a “Tricky Dicky’s Surf Shack”, “Fat Fanny’s Surf Shack” or “Big Willy’s Surf Shack” T-Shirt. I think they’re from Newquay. Oh, and fanny doesn’t mean what it means in the US, it means the front bottom…

  24. Geebs says:

    I had a hypercolor shirt, and every girl I went to school with just had to touch it. Do I regret owning one? What do you think?

  25. Chaz says:

    I come from the times of Big Johnson, Hypercolor, etc…I did have those shorts btw…my friends and I worked at a sporting goods store and we made our own (what we thought were) witty shirts out of the letters you iron onto kids soccer jerseys. My crowning achievement…”Support White Rappers”. I wore that in public exactly one time.

  26. Help me out! says:

    What was that shirt popular around 1989 that had some city, France on it??? The city started with a “V” and all it was were different graphical representations of the V and France…help!!!

  27. Ryan says:

    gus macker and/or 3 on 3 basketball t shirts.
    free t-shirts from signing credit card applications at school, sports events, etc.

  28. nathank says:

    Where’s the Chit Rodriguez shirts?

    I golf like Chit
    I drive like Chit

  29. Help me out! says:

    Vernet, France shirts…was Wisconsin the only place this was popular in ‘88-89?

  30. TM says:

    A couple I thought of:
    The Looney Tunes as gangstas shirts.
    Big Dogs.
    I had at least one of each.

  31. FPM says:

    I used to be a homeless rodeo clown but now I am a world class magician !

  32. Steave says:

    good post. my favorite was my D.A.R.E. shirt (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), probably a local thing for SE Michigan, but i remember all the druggies were wearing them later in life in irony.

    ironic t-shirts aren’t funny anymore, though. :)

  33. LightGrenade says:

    Another of my favorites from high school was black and just said “FUCKING FUCK” in big white block letters. that shirt was awesome.

  34. Lounsey says:

    My boyfriend has a t-shirt that is yellow and has a box of cornflakes on the front…but the wording is altered so it says “Pornflakes”. It is the most embarassing item of clothing I have ever seen.

  35. James says:

    Any one remember Cross Colours?

    Those 4x shirts they marketed towards generation x. Remember “Clothing Without Prejudice” ? The whole gimmick was that people shouldn’t be racist and that Cross Colors was the first brand for black people AND white people.

    I owned one, wore it once. Decided I looked ridiculous.

    Karl Kani designed for them before he became a fashionista douchenozzle.

  36. gunshotglitter says:

    Spuds McKenzie anyone?

  37. Sebasta says:

    I used to be a homeless rodeo clown but now I am a world class magician !

  38. zadanu says:

    My boyfriend has a t-shirt that is yellow and has a box of cornflakes on the front…but the wording is altered so it says “Pornflakes”. It is the most embarassing item of clothing I have ever seen.

  39. [...] T-Shirts We All Have Regretted Owning [...]

  40. Simba says:

    I had a CHOOSE LIFE tee, white in neon green Helvetica condensed. WHAM. Thought I was cool as hell. Didn’t know at the time what it meant but it was cool cuz George Michael was wearing one in a friggin’ WHAM video. Wow.

  41. Simba says:

    My fave is my NEW YORK F_N CITY.

  42. Simba says:

    Those “V shirts” were for Vuarnet France, a Sunglasses company that sold high end glacier glasses for Skiers and Surfers alike. They were considered cool in Vermont. Meant you had money and appreciated the finer material things in life like nice shades.

  43. J says:

    I had a shirt from graduation beach week, in the style of a Dunkin Donuts sign that said Fuckin Gonuts

  44. kasia says:

    Any Ed Hardy piece of clothing looks ridiculous.

  45. molly says:

    The worst were “You Might Be A Redneck If…” shirts…

  46. Ferrari Guy says:

    you might be a redneck shirts are definitely the worst

  47. Geek Shirts says:

    Being the geeky type I remember feeling if there was something wrong with me since I really disliked those Big Johnson shirts, even though everyone in my country high school was wearing them. Looking back I see there wasn’t something wrong with me, but there was definitely something wrong with them.

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