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Turkey Baster Babies

By: Bobby Finstock on 02/13/09 @ 6:30 am

I know a lot of blogs have been written on this site about women. Sometimes women have been the brunt of jokes, sometimes they have been the victors over pigheaded men, and sometimes they have just been flat out confusing. In the end I am a big supporter of women so that is why I feel it is my duty to speak about an issue that has come up twice this week, turkey baster babies.

The first story is the one we all know about Nadya Suleman who had 8 children via in vitro fertilization.  I can’t even rationally talk about this story because there are so many things that are morally and ethically wrong with it. Basically I will sum up my thoughts with the idea that if you are on public assistance and half of the six kids you already have are specials needs you probably shouldn’t be allowed to pay for a really costly procedure intended to give you MORE kids. The fact that your gene pool isn’t exactly strong and your financially can’t afford it should be a tell tale sign that it is time to shut down the baby making factory. (Oh if you want to donate to help her out she setup a website… ugh.)

I look at it this way. If I say I am going to bake you a couple of dozen cookies for you to take to work and I screw up half of the first dozen then ask you to go buy the ingredients to have me make more would you do it? Probably not, you would probably tell me that you wouldn’t want to waste the money. I guess what I am trying to say is… I have no idea, that we shouldn’t let her cook or something.

Personally though this isn’t the turkey baster story that was the most annoying to me this week.

Doctor this can't be right

Doctor this can't be right

My friend sent me an article from last March’s The Atlantic where Lori Gottlieb states that when a female reaches a certain age they should settle. (This has been written about ad nauseum but I didn’t see it until now.) At some point just having someone that intellectually stimulates you, has a sense of humor, and is kind to you is the way to go instead of holding out for true love. The thing is the reason why she is still single is right in the first paragraph:

My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.

To the author she looks at having a test tube baby as being self empowered. She couldn’t find the right guy and she pulled up her bootstraps and did what it took to get her what she wanted. On the flip side though to any guy that reads that we see a selfish, controlling, and demanding person that would be miserable to live with for the rest of our natural lives. All I can think about when I read this article is that Tracy Flick wrote an article. No guy wants to marry Tracy Flick.


Tracy Flick is the type of person that would tell her significant other how to dress. She would plan out what they were doing together for months in advance. Flick doesn’t have a sense of humor, a mindless ambition, and is completely lacking any self-awareness. Who wants to live with that?

The author goes on stating:

After all, wouldn’t it have been wiser to settle for a higher caliber of “not Mr. Right” while my marital value was at its peak?

Did she ever think that maybe she created standards that were out of whack for herself?

Settling for a person because they fit into your life’s plan is horrific. I can’t imagine living my life with the goal of simply being content because it allows me to achieve my other goals of having a family and a kid. What a miserable existence. To make matters worse when you are thinking about this idea because your personality, world view, and existence made compatibility impossible there might be an issue.

What is the lesson in all this? Women if you are without a man or yearning for a child consider getting a puppy.

There is enough to bitch about in here that I am not even going to pose a question.

Today is the last day where you can enter for your chance to win a $350 Patagonia Gif Card.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

38 Responses to “Turkey Baster Babies”

  1. Chris says:

    I agree completely. You think that at some point common sense would have kicked her in the ass and told her what’s what.

    On a side note, you should take the link to her website down. No one should be donating to her, she made her own bed. It’s the principle of the thing.

    • Alejandro says:

      Chris, common sense is the least common sense…
      i was looking at the webpage, she could have done a bit more…
      just a donate link and a feedback link???
      at least post multiple picture of your babies, and what you buy with the donations…
      People think they are entitled to leech from other people. Why should i work my ass off to have that red mx5 miata, i can put up a page and ask for donations…

  2. stan says:

    Marital value? Nice to know she considers herself and potential mates commodities. Maybe we can get them traded on an exchange?

    “The price of Brent Crude dropped today to $38.98 a barrel, while the marital value of Lori Gottlieb reached a peak of 94, expect a consistent decline from here…”

  3. Meghan says:

    There is so much to get pissed off about here that I feel like a cartoon character with my head steaming on both sides. Whether it’s the Suleman woman or the Evangelical couple on TLC working on #19…YOU’RE NOT JUST HAVING BABIES! YOU’RE CREATING PEOPLE! WTF is wrong with you?!

    I’m a gal who’s always wanted marriage and children; but I’m also someone who has been proposed to after a long term relationship and broke it off because I had the good sense to know it wasn’t the right choice…and I wasn’t going to settle just to meet a benchmark to appease the people around me. I could be with the house and child right now…and I probably would have been miserable.

    I’m going to shut up now…what’s with you and Friday posts!? Last week it was teary eyed pound puppies and retards crossing finish lines! Dammit, Coach!

  4. pinup cutie says:

    I totally agree. I thought about invitro at one point but thought “I won’t give up just becasue Mr. Right isn’t here RIGHT NOW!”.

    I recenlty went to a 20 year reunion were I was terrified to go simply because I wasn’t married with my 2.5 children to brag about.

    What I found was that while these other women all married their high school sweet hearts or college boyfiends they were all miserable!

    All of them told me stories of how unhappy they were that they wished they had my life of traveling, shooting concerts for various publications and still living as though I was 22!

    So I am glad I opted for my dog over a child I can not afford given the state of this economy and recent lay off from my real job of being an executive assistant.

  5. Trisha says:

    I can’t even think about that Suleman whore without my blood pressure boiling.

    Since being on public assistance and workers compensation since 2001, how was she able to afford in vitro? It’s very expensive and they don’t take food stamps. Did she promise the doctors future payment out of the millions she will get because she turned her uterus into a clown car?

    As a resident of the almost bankrupt state of California, do I get visitation rights to these children since I and the other taxpayers will have the financial burden of paying for them? She was already getting $490 a month just for food stamps. She gets SSI because some of the previous 6 are special needs, she gets workers comp as well.

    It makes my head spin.

    And is it just me, but does she seem to have an Angelina obsession- dyed black hair, siliconed lips? And the whole baby thing. The difference, bitch- is that Ms. Jolie can afford her children.

    As to the other- my mantra has ALWAYS been “never settle”. I’ve walked away from great guys because the timing or chemistry was wrong. It took me til I was 39 to find the right mix- but so far so good and it was worth the wait. If we don’t make it, I still won’t settle on less than what I deserve. It’s not fair to the guy either. He deserves to have someone who is crazy about him, not just about his baby batter being in the right place, right time.

    • She got a settlement from getting hurt in the mental institution she worked at that paid for the procedures. The thought that she is on public assistance but took that money so she could have more kids and used it for that is mind blowing to me.

      I just watched something on CNN.com about her obsession. A plastic surgeon said she had her nose and lips done. Also representatives from Jolie said they have gotten letters from her.

      This chick is a whack job and shouldn’t be breeding.

  6. LightGrenade says:

    I agree with most points here, except for one, crucial, extremely important one…

    I’d totally put it down on Tracy Flick. She’d probably be crazy in the sack.

  7. Marcie says:

    the question i pose is what the fuck was/is she thinking????

  8. kate says:

    they need to sterilize the bitch. i feel sorry for those kids because they didn’t ask to be born to a stupid ass bitch. her parents need to slap some sense into her.

  9. cio says:

    it seems like that nadya woman has some actual mental problems. probably should get that checked out.

  10. Katie says:

    I’m guessing she worked at that mental institution because she got an employee discount. Either that or she caught Crazy from one of the patients.

  11. gie says:

    what is she taking anyway?.. God..

  12. My husband said to me last night:

    “That Nadya chick isn’t bad looking, I’m sure she could have found a dude to have sex with her fourteen times.”

    Some women would be horrified. This is why I married him.

    Both sides have totally unrealistic expectations, but there’s something that seems to be ingrained in most women which is the I WILL HAVE A BABY AND IT WILL LOVE ME gene.

    I do not have this.

    (I imagine most of the women who read this site don’t, either.)

    • He needs to look at the pictures before her plastic surgery. She just has the eyes of a crazy women in them. She has that blank clueless look on her face that most people that boil rabbits on stoves have.

      Actually who am I kidding she is female and has a pulse there is without a doubt a guy that will have sex with her 14 times.

  13. Tori says:

    I’d totally settle but mostly out of boredom, not fear. I hate dating. But no babies. Yuck.

  14. Branwyn says:

    This is good stuff. I like to start my day with this post and my cup of coffee…LOL! I agree with what is already written, but I have to ask: What are you feelings on the transgender ass who’s getting all the publicity for having children. Uh, you WERE a woman with a uterus and now that you’re a man you want us to be thrilled that you have a child? Why?
    Or how about the ever famous: “Jon and Kate plus 8″? I cannot stand that family. Kate’s a bitch, Jon is whipped, and they’re profitting off their kids. Another in vitro issue with money coming in from the masses…

    • Isha says:

      lol I watch that show, I’m waiting for the day Jon boxes Kate. He always looks like he’s holding his temper…one day….one day….Hate that chick and the kids are brats.

  15. Selena says:

    Awesome post!

  16. Hoeanna says:

    Maybe the bitch writting the article had a skewed impression of her “marital value”…maybe it wasn’t as high as she thinks. Hmmmm something to ponder.

  17. Isha says:

    That Suleman chick seems like she’s insane and should have been mentally evaluated before they even was “basted” with the baby juice. Who in their right mind wants to live with their parents and have 14 without a father. That’s nuts. I have two kids and I’m pregnant with my last and I have a man around and I still feel like I’m insane for having another kid. I just wanna close up shop after this. Then she wants to ask for donations. Fuck her, she should have thought about the cost of having 14 kids before she did this to herself. She should get nothing that greedy bitch. Its all for attention I say.

  18. Leoril says:

    Joke’s on her, it looks like… and everyone who has a massive litter and hopes for freebies from here on out. Companies are looking for every and any excuse to cut back on expenses, and the expectation of donations from baby-supply companies for having a huge litter, to look good to the public, has now violently shifted with the massive public condemnation of this woman. Companies will be using this as a reason to turn away the beggars in the future. “Socially irresponsible”, “bad for the stockholders”, “in today’s economy”, and all that.

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