Yahoo and Glamour magazine teamed up to write an article about the six guys you shouldn’t date. Once again they totally missed the mark with their assessment. This isn’t the first time I have caught Yahoo lying about relationships: Ladies Don’t Listen to Yahoo For Relationship Advice (the blog where I got taken to task for making a slutty single mom joke)
Here are the six guys that they have listed:
1. Rebound Guy- Desperate
2. Disappearing Guy- Cheater
3. Slick Guy- Jerk
4. Rude Guy- Bigger Jerk
5. Grabby Guy- Rapist
6. Last Year’s Guy- Oh snap, you don’t need to go back to that trash
I love that in the end they get to throw in that self help bullshit about not returning to an ex. They gave five examples and then the final one is a “you go girl” moment. Because nothing says pick yourself up off the ground like slamming an ex-boyfriend and telling you to stay away from them. Anyway I think this is a heaping pile of crap. There are so many worse types of guys than this that women need to avoid.
I talk about myself in the third person guy- Anybody that talks about themselves in the third person is automatically a jerk. Except if they are a professional athlete or rapper then they are just a jerk with a boatload of money. Really the last thing you want is some guy on top of you saying, “Tony thinks you are hot. Tony is totally about to fill you up with Tony’s special baby batter.”
“I indentify with Buffalo Bill” guy- When talking about the movie the Silence of the Lambs you can use the character Buffalo Bill as a litmus test you need to get up and run if he says anything like, “I kind of identify with Buffalo Bill.” That is the one character in any movie that you are only able to make fun of and feel no empathy for. Just because of this:
(Note the last 4 second is really NSFW and will probably emotionally scar you.)
You should be extra concerned if you are overweight because he is probably planning on making a dress out of your skin.
I brag about how much I read guy- I guess a couple of women out there want to date an intelligent guy. But when a guy crosses the line from being intelligent to showing off that they read a lot they are a fish you need to throw back into the sea. If they routinely quote books or start sentences off with, “I read this in a book one time” you need to run. This is a sign of a know it all and they will make the rest of your life hell.
“Dear… According to this one book I read you shouldn’t have the chicken in longer than 17 and a half minutes.”
“Honey, I read in a Kinsey book that you should be twisting counter clockwise.”
“Babe I read on time that when you aim a gun at someone you should aim towards their chest cavi….”
Anyone that appreciate the work of Ashton Kutcher- The other day I was in line at an ATM and a guy was talking to a coworker about how he always tried to make it home to watch That 70s Show on FX. They were commenting on how funny it was and that they always catch the reruns. I decided that as soon as those words came out of their mouths I was a better human being than them. I pray that they don’t breed. Reruns of that show should never be appointment viewing. I get enjoying it every once and awhile but making an effort to watching anything with Ashton Kutcher in it proves that you are either a sociopath or an idiot.
Anyone that is constantly planning for the Rapture- Anyone that is planning for the end of days is kind of a constant bummer. The last thing you want is a guy that is basically telling you that all your friends and family are going to die a painful and horrible death because they do not believe the same thing that he does.
You: I really like Jenny she is such a sweet friend. That was really nice of her to bring over this basket of muffins.
Him: Too bad that she is going to be covered in bees and screaming in pain in the year 2012 because she is a non-believer. Oh I want an apple cinnamon one.
What other guys should they have added to the list?
Don’t forget to enter the contest to win a $350 gift card to Patagonia. The competition isn’t that stiff, one person has entered.