What’s With Couples Pages?
I don’t know why the following bugs me, but it does. It’s just one of those things that irritates the living hell out of me. We all have them. I certainly do. Fruit flies in the kitchen, loud cell phone talkers, thongs on fat girls…
I’m talking about couples with Facebook pages. (Or MySpace, which is now the “once cute but now crystal methed out” version of social networking sites.)
Now, I am not referring to, “I’m in a relationship with…” parts of a persons page. I am referring to the two people that went out of there way to create, populate and maintain an entire page of them together.
Look, people. I get that you want to live in perfect harmony with each other and you are cutesy and since you are now a couple, you share everything together, you do everything together, you would like the internet world you relate to know that you two are happily fucking in the privacy of your own apartment.
Well, I say “eat my ass.” And knock it the hell off.
Is your individuality so lost in the wind now that you can’t even have a singular page, Mr. and Mrs. Missionaryposition from Rawcock, Idaho?
What posseses you, Rich-n-Judy Shitonmyface from Onceavirgin, Oregon, to remind us constantly that you are together so much that you can’t even separate virtually?
Is one of you that fucking stupid that you cannot create a page for yourself, you know, so that YOUR friends can find you and YOUR friends can see how YOU are, not the both of you?
Now, there are two kinds of people behind this nonsense. And since they are clearly in the minority of this online world, I think I’m pretty safe.
One is the uber-sanctimonious, “It should be all about ME in OUR relationship now” type.
Usually a woman, she is so insecure with her own personality that she feels much safer just adopting her husband or partners persona to mesh and make something resembling interesting, if not special. In most cases, the man has no idea the amount of work that was involved in this by his rabbit boiling, Fatal Attraction type S.O., other than she has warned him of not inviting his “former” best friend Vinny “Forty Shots” Drunkenpuken from adding them as a friend because of the way he violently vomited shellfish all over their wedding cake during their reception at the Friars Fuck Golf Club…nine years ago.
Then there is Super Jealous Guy.
The husband that lays down the law in his own house damn it! He won’t allow any wife of his (see: property) to maintain any kind of horseshit like MySpace or Facebook because there are trolls everywhere and THEY ALL want to lay the pipe to his wife!
And this is false of course, because either his wife is a). a butterface pig that has Indian Corn for teeth and a mullet or b). a disease riddled whore. Regardless, as was overheard at the 14th Annual Pancake Breakfast and Liquor Luge Race, held at the Buttplug, Alabama VFW, “She ain’t never gonna have one of them pages on that fangled interweb unless I am part of it so I can see who she’s talkin’ to. HEY WOMAN! OINK YOUR FAT ASS ON OVER AND GET ME A BEER AND A DOUBLE SHOT OF WHISKEY, MISS PIGGY!”
Regardless, 95% of us have our own social networking pages, our own personality, our own life so to speak, and that is the way those great founders wanted those pages to be like. But since the squeaky wheel gets the grease, well, all I can say is STOP!
Then again, if people in relationships would stop fucking around on their significant others, none of this would be an issue right? Meh…it still would be.
Next stop? People who have nothing but pets in their photo albums.
What say you? Do these pages drive you nuts or is it just me?
Always picking on the south. Such a hater.
I dont think the 1st pic is a thong at all. I think she is just wearing her panties from grade school. I think it is illegal to make thongs in xxxxxl.
You’re just jealous!
Well, I might change my tune if you and I create a page like that. Only can we post pictures of nothing but pets, too?
No, you have way too many cats.
Hey, I single out Idaho AND Oregon on here, too. Pretty soon I will be crushing my own state’s mulletability.
An xxxxxl thong is technically a parachute with lots of holes in it.
This was in reply to you, Counselor.
Sadly I know someone that has a page like this and what is worse is that they have included their kid as well so its like a family page. I want to berate him for it but I’m really lazy and feel that it would take to much effort.
I also know a girl that tried to make their facebook page all about her dog but it got deleted. I busted her chops about it for a couple days.
Please…punch them. Now. They must be stopped.
I wish I could, unfortunately they live in Texas and my arms just aren’t long enough to reach them. Maybe I’ll do it when I’m in Austin next month.
One of my friends started dating this super possessive guy a few months ago, and now all of her (and his) profile pictures are those cheesey, obviously taken of themselves, pictures of her and her boyfriend.
Gag.
Again. Please…punch them now. They must be stopped.
In my world I call these families “the perfects” they look alike, talk alike, dress alike and every sentence they say to each other MUST either begin or end with a “babe”. Normaly I would take the stance that they all should be shot, but today I am going with the cover up theory. These couples/families HAVE to create the perfect life on film/internet to hide what I am sure is the multitudes of abuses going on behind closed doors. No one can be that perfect, that must be slappin a bitch around a bit. You know those quiet perfect ones are always the most fucked up!
I like your theory. Only fucking nut jobs would do that to their entire page.
Seriously? If the media didn’t condone couples cheating on their significant others, the would would be a much better place. But with reality shows specifically designed to make you cheat and people WILLING to participate, with web sites designed to hook you up with other married people in secret and people WILLING to participate… what can you do except try and avoid ever talking to those kinds of people and hope that eventually their kind is weeded out?
I don’t think Facebook or MySpace is specifically designed to make people cheat, it just makes it that much easier. Face it, people on myspace and facebook can be just about whoever they want to anyone else, so it is the weakness of those involved that go out and screw around.
My point here is that there still needs to be a level of individuality in a relationship. Stifling individuality is a bad thing and breeds contempt for the other person down the road amongst other problems. Not to mention, it can potentially drive a wedge between long time friends who don’t want to have to clear the gatekeeper every time they want to speak to said individual.
Facebook and Myspace aren’t the sites I was talking about. There are websites out there like seekingadventures.com or AshleyMadison.com (who’s tag line is ‘Life is Short. Have an affair.’) that basically host discrete meetups for married people that want to hook up sexually with other married people.
I gotcha. I wrote about Ashley Madison a few months ago because I was amazed that such things were being condones even encouraged. Appalling actually.
You forgot about teenagers, who think it’s soooo cute but will then have to make new pages in a few months when they inevitably break up.
I can’t even imagine what high school would have been like if facebook had been around when I was in school.
Myspace miiiight have been around like, my senior year. But no one got into it until toward the end of college. I’m really, really glad.
Those pages are funny because we all know that 98% of all high school relationships end by October after they graduate. Sooo sad.
BWAHAHAHA!
I know two couples with pages like that, and I totally hear ya
Can you provide links to their pages? I take great pleasure in seeing them and laughing at them.
You know what? Scratch that. I don’t want to do that here. Now my direct email is…
Maybe it’s all the fugly people in the world who feel the need to prove not only to themselves, but to the world that they are lovable and desired. But alas, they are wrong.
Honestly, I’ve never seen them. But I know I will see them everywhere I’m sure. Meh, indeed. Haven’t you ever heard that ignorance is bliss??? *hates couples especially this painfully close to Singles Awareness Day*
I haven’t seen one like that, thank heavens but I am surprised how many married people share one email address. You know, and that’s all they have, one email address between them – not a yours, mine, ours situation but one email address. It’s not my place to judge, but frankly I’m baffled.
The married couples with the joint e-mail always gets me too.
Often they are the same families that send out those god-awful Christmas letters with customized stamps of their dog in a Santa hat. Reading one of those letters is the ultimate birth control.
I have one person who added me who’s wife uses his page. She doesn’t have her own. As a result I’m not sure who added me, him or the wife….. and it creeps me out a little. I’m never sure who is messaging me.
I wonder if it’s because she thinks that by using his page she’ll catch someone who “wants” him…. but she REALLY need not worry. Really.
I don’t see anything wrong when a couple uses a joint facebook or myspace account. Who the hell cares? Really.
I dont have a page, for some reason I fee like it is a huge waste of time. However I do need to say you guys on here are so damn negative. Do you hate your lives that much? Do you have nothing going on in your own world that you bash people that are just having fun.. Grow up, get a life. Turn off your computer, come up from your mothers basement and go outside! it may make you feel better. Maybe you wont be so cranky.
oh ya… Hoeanna? get a date will ya.. wow you hate the world. guess what, people are happy out there. its you that isnt. join the world, life is sooooo short, its over fast, make friends, have kids, make a change in the world.. do something besides make up stories as to why “other people” are so evil…. it might all be in your head.