Living alone and working at home has given me a lot of solitary time to myself. It allows me to ponder my existence. Ask the important questions. Do a little self-inspection. (Not the searching for testicular cancer kind but I do that as well.)
A few months ago I was watching something on the news and just started crying. It wasn’t one of those “I have issues and this triggered it” type of cry. Nor was it an “I am lonely” cry. There was something on that truly emotionally touched me. (I would like to say that yes… my vagina is shaved.)
Ever since then every 4-6 weeks something kind of hits me the wrong/right way and I turn into a weepy wreck. Of course being the documenter of pop culture and society I kept a little note each time I broke down which revealed a pattern to me. So what triggered these events? Murder? Boring. Genocide? Meh. Old people? Nah. Horrible human suffering? Pass the Cheetos.
There are two reoccurring themes that make we cry like someone shot a nail through my foot.
1) Anything with retarded people overcoming something.
There is something that just destroys me about some kid that doesn’t know any better. The kid that has this plucky spirit and overcomes so much to do something we take for granted. I swear it could be some story on Good Morning America about Johnny the retarded kid with one arm that finally learned to wipe his ass after 7 years of crapping himself and I would cry for a good ten minutes. While I am slobbering to myself I will recount the story and just keep repeating, “He doesn’t have to use his hand anymore.”
2) Anything with children getting abandoned or being mistreated.
I should be clear about this. It isn’t like sexual abuse or something truly horrible. It is more like kids losing out on their family or being mistreated by society in general. (Wedgies and purple nurples don’t count.) I just watched this horrible heaping pile of shit called “The Martian Child”. I never have heard about the movie but John Cusack was in it so it made it watchable. Well anyway this kids is adopted, thinks he is from Mars, has all these abandonment issues because he was given up for adoption. So we get towards the end and he thinks that he is going to be taken away from his adoptive father played by Cusack and then his dog died… And I just lost it like a large black man raped me in my prison cell. I actually had to get tissues and blow my nose, wipe the tears away, and turn it to college basketball to regain my cool.
Go ahead… call me a pussy. Ask me if I have a vagina. I am not ashamed.
Now I am going to go watch Lifetime and paint my nails.
What is something that just triggers you to cry? (Please no horrible psychotherapy issues like, “Father’s Day reminds that time that….”)